Small mercies


Ooo, it’s the magic of a Friday night. The whole weekend stretched out before you in a seemingly endless swathe of possibilities. Well, maybe not actually endless, we are socially distancing still and lots of things are still closed 🙂

Midweek, the good folk who run the Community Centre where Chams meets got in touch. It send that as the government start to relax lockdown – I think I’m with the scientists on this – the Centre is preparing to reopen. That certainly stressed the word preparing and so will I.

As much as I would love to see everyone again, be outside in the beautiful Spring sunshine, and being pretty once again, I think we may have a few more weeks yet. Luckily, the Centre is pretty spacious, so keeping a good gap between should be doable. Plus, if the weather holds, maybe we could sit outside.

The lack of dressing has been quite confusing for me. On the upside, having next to no pressure towards wanting to, has meant that I’ve not been climbing the walls or had any mental anguish over it. Small mercies indeed.

Conversely, not dressing at all did make me doubt my trans nature, but in my head, I still feel somewhere in the middle. Perhaps it’s the thought – and possibly an incorrect one – that in order to identify, you must do. Can a person be a cyclist if they don’t have bike? Or is it like musicianship: if you can play, sing, or keep a song in your heart, that goes with wherever? Whatever it is, I think what’s helped me keep my calm on this, had been dressing – or more accurately – feeling that my clothes are more neutral. Less him and more meh 😉

Sure, my masc clothes are not as fitted as my Lynn wardrobe. Mind you, if I’m not careful with the snacks, everything will soon be 😉

The clothing narrative in my head

Where was I? Oh yes: walking in long shorts has the feel of some of my skirts. For a guy who wears jeans 99.9% of the time, feeling the air on my feet brings memories of Thursdays and days out in Lynn mode.

So while I’m not cross dressing, somehow I’m ticking the boxes to make me feel I’m okay with what I have.

Again, small mercies.

L x

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