The Tide

Hi,

Ah, what to write about today eh, dear reader?

Well, it’s not going to be the news because I’m still not reading it. 😐

Apparently there’s been some sports thing involving lots of running about and a ball. I know that doesn’t narrow things down because a lot of sport seems to do with one or both of those requirements.

Okay, except archery or shooting, but I find it wise not to rib folk who can assassinate you at a distance. 😉

Umm, not that anyone who excels at such a sport would do such a thing. They’re very lovely people! 😁

Okay, so flippancy aside… Oh, and I was going to call this ratcheting, but apparently that – like a lot of words – has a different meaning to different folk.

By turns of the handle

With the warmth of the sun and the end of the school term, so it falls that I spend most of my time in Bloke Mode. Previously – and one of the advantages of working from home – is the option to mix & match a little. It seems that wee trick was helping more than I had thought.

So it was that by the start of this week, I was feeling the inner stresses begin to click-click-click. I could sense there was Something Rotten in the State of Lynnmark as I was feeling tired, distracted, and – ultimately – more than a little frustrated by things. I should add, this is no-one’s fault. Well, except perhaps mine.

There are times when I go long periods in ‘him mode’ and it’s a non-issue. Then, as just recently, I feel like I’m not quite in my own skin. Almost like I could turn around in it because of some undispellable disturbance.

I’m not quite sure how to name such a thing, but the feelings are there and I do what I can to avoid them or distract myself from them.

Body care can help, I find: moisturise my skin, remember my pins & arms look okay as they are. I wear earrings or paint my nails with a shiny protective coat. Like small charms of magic, they alleviate a little; buying me time.

Of time, I tell myself that I am not locked in this forever. Patience and a little fortitude perhaps may see me through. That Chams will come around and I will shed this bloke’s blanket, free to enjoy unweighted breath, and stretch… to feel all of who I need to be.

All of these may draw back the tide, but the waves still lap at the boat: pulling, buffeting. It is wearing and I am tired of it. It is the one part of being trans-something-or-other that I dislike the most.

I share this in case any of you are similar or if any of you are newly arrived, and are looking for answers. I’m not sure I can help on the latter, but maybe reader wisdom will come from the former.

Chams

Thankfully it was both Chams and it wasn’t boiling hot. The wrong side of warm, yes, but you can’t have it all 😉

I overpacked because I wasn’t quite sure Chams HQ would be while I was getting changed. I took two pairs of heeled sandals – one thanks to the Ever Lovely Mrs J 💖- and a strappy top, two skirts, and a maxi dress.

The top, in truth, was a fall back in case it was very warm. Now, thankfully it wasn’t too bad, but still a little glowy 🫠 That and I dared to dream that may the top + maxi skirt might make it out next week. The weather forecast suggests not, but back to better news!

I think I’m getting the hang of using Bare Minerals for my summer make-up. Yes, I need to get my head around my under eyes – hello mid 50s winkles! – but that will come with time. You can always wear sunglasses to cover up the evidence! 😉 I thought I’d try a quick selfie just in case my make-up didn’t survive the night as things warmed up.

As to the evening itself, it was a little quieter than last time. Not in a bad way, just different. Val was unable to attend due to work commitments and Pat had health issues, bless her.

We did have two new – okay, new-ish – folk pop back. JJ who had been many years ago and wanted to see how the group was getting on. As well as her, a lady from last time – Haley? Anna? – came for her second visit and was looking suitable glam.

Rosalind and I spent some time grappling with the Chams Forum software, and I’m not 100% sure it is sorted out. I can get email alerts from the admin and test systems. I can get them when my test user and my account message each other. I am hoping things will be sorted for Rosalind, in time. Computers eh? Best not to! 😁

[ Diversion: It’s Nottingham Pride this weekend and in truth, I’m not sure if I have the energy right now. I am hoping a good night’s kip and a gentle Friday afternoon might recharge the batteries. We shall see. ]

Debbie had brought birthday cakes, bless her, so we didn’t go without as I put the tea & coffee on.

I had a few catch-up chats with folk as the evening got on, and there was time for some photos once Rosalind & I had sorted the washing up.

I think my lippy had survived the night and I was glad of the coolness of the dress. I don’t usually do really long numbers like this, so it was a pleasant change.

Oh, and I had decided to make a small hack to some anti-chafing shorts from Snag. A small snip in the – shall we say? – cooling panel, means you don’t have to take everything off, if you need to spend a penny.

I must say, it did feel a little odd putting my knickers on the outside, but it all seemed to work! My hip pads (mostly) stayed put, and that I didn’t need to worry about popping to the loo helped as well. Ah, the joys of being in your mid 50s eh! 😉

I had managed to paint my toenails at home and thanks to some barely-there socks and some cut Converse low tops, that all went undetected. It’s been a while since I’d done them and I was surprised how much they lifted my mood. Things to be thankful for eh!

The dress is by Unfolded and they are what I’d call an ‘on demand’ creator. Unlike fast fashion, you put your order in and then we’re back to the classic Please allow 28 days for delivery. Well, so we used to read in the 70s and 80s!

This isn’t because they are slow – and perhaps, like good food – the wait is worth it. The finish is excellent and I think I’ve yet to have anything that didn’t feel right material wise. All that and the factor – based in India – get a fair wage (so I’m told), and money goes to help local children read as well. Ah, that’s pressing the kindness buttons for me, so that’s a good thing 💖

As fashions change, I may have a think about asking the local alterations service to change the length and/or alter the sleeves. But that is years away and I am rather liking this style.

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That’s me done for the week. Good luck for the weekend and week ahead.

L x