#NotSafeToBeMe

Hi, I’ve been trans since I was a child in the 80s. I learned early on, that little boys shouldn’t be sensitive or, kind; but should play rough, not care for their appearance or for the feelings of others. Anything ‘weak’, feminine, or ‘other’ was to be mocked or punished. It seemed the worst thing you could be was girly, or, heaven forfend, gay. You learn to hide who you are, never being who you need to be. When you swim through that toxicity, it gets in your eyes, your ears, your throat. It’s hard not to swallow some of it, those burning lies. If you can’t keep your head above, you might go under, and for a time, it […]

Read more

Toxic

Hi, I’ve got a lot running around in my head at the moment. Thoughts jump in and out of focus, so I’m doing what I usually do in this situation: just write…. Or more accurately, when I can’t grab what I need to say, I tailspin into going off topic and I delete things. 🙄 I think this is attempt number four… The bad I… I don’t want to write about the bad things: the loss of womens’ rights in the US; the UK MP’s private letter sent to schools in South Yorkshire about a ‘push back’ to trans teens; and the creeping of fascism of our politics, etc. I am aghast that I’m writing that last line without irony, […]

Read more

Crack the lens

Hi, By all that’s fabulous, it is far too hot today. A global uptick in heat waves and extreme weather, but hey, let’s count the money from burning fossil fuels in our air conditioned mansions. 😋 A few weeks back I happened to go to a professional ‘do’ and photos were taken: group shots on the fly and posed ones too. Luckily I managed to avoid most, but not all. I found myself looking at the smiles and laughter, thinking that folk had enjoyed themselves (which is great). There, in the background, was what looked like an egg with a pair of glasses drawn on it, balanced on a shirt and tie. Yes, that would be me. I clicked by […]

Read more

Script: Make the skies grey again

Dear Fictional Newspaper, I feel it’s time to be truly honest about the causes of my transgender nature. For years I’ve been reading scholarly articles, following researchers including psychologists, geneticists, and other health professionals, hoping that they may find an explanation as to why some of us are straight, gay, cisgender, or transgender in nature. Having both an interest in the above and living as a trans person, well, this does not make me an expert. Perhaps, at best, maybe well read on the science. Certainly the strongest contenders seem to be either a genetic propensity towards sexuality and/or gender; or how hormones affect – or not – as we develop in the womb. For readers of the Newspaper That […]

Read more

Four days

Hi, This week saw the start of an experiment in a number of UK organisations: the four day working week. The important bit is folk are still paid for five days. That and it’s not where you do five days of hours in four. Been there, it was awful 😋 As someone who struggles to balance home commitments with work, and occasional bouts of, well, just feeling burned out by late Thursday, I could really fancy this approach of a shorter week. I read last year where Microsoft had tried it in one of their offices in Japan. Part of the deal was to stay off social media at work and try to cut down on lengthy meetings. The outcome […]

Read more

You can’t say anything these days

Hi, It also seems I haven’t quite understood how to publish a post on the right date. How embarrassing 🙂 This week I happened to stumble upon an article about two comedians. One American, one British, both very well off, and both known for anti trans ‘jokes’. I thought I’d put that last word in quotes, just in case there’s any confusion. I mean, a joke is supposed to make you laugh, right? Sometimes, all I hear is hate and ignorance slithered out with the thin veneer of irony or “just sayin’”. The funny thing about humour – if you pardon the clumsy language there – is humour is both very personal and it changes. The knowing look and modern […]

Read more