2022: a look back

Hi,

How was Christmas? Hopefully relaxed and not too stressful. With the end of the holiday year and company shutdown, Mrs J and I have had nearly a full week off together. It’s been great not having to rush anywhere and be able to take things easy. Happy holidays indeed. Plus, there’s a few days left before it’s back to work in the new year.

So, new year huh? It seems traditional to start one after the end of December 😉 So, 2022? I was going to write that it felt like a hangover from 2021. But that feels somewhat negative, even if the years previous have cast a long shadow. Yes, there’s been some awful events this year and some that could’ve gone better. But, I am not going to list the bad stuff because -ahem- newspapers will cover those in-depth. Instead, please get comfy and settle in with a drink of your choice, and let’s plough through another year at YATGB 🍸

Good stuff? I mean, Can’t Truss My Judgement and The Convict are gone for a start 😋 Political jibes aside, we’ve seen progress in Scotland around the Gender Recognition Act (please see Miss Twist’s views and also Clare Flourish’s on this). I am hopeful that the legislation is updated and as we experience the effects, additional changes are made to improve it further.

Allies – who are awesome! 🌟 – have stepped up and spoken out against the nonsense that’s been said about trans folk. They’ve started their experiences, challenged certain narratives, and been open about their shift in understanding (see Charlotte Church’s change here). Dare I say it’s okay not to understand what it is to be trans and it’s okay to say you’ve misunderstood, reconsidered, or even apologise if you feel you need to. Hell, I get stuff wrong as well, so I’m in no place to judge someone who’s also trying to improve.

While it’s been a tough year for Mermaids, many people have come out in support of the vital work and support the charity does. Personally, each time a certain newspaper had tried gunning for them, I’ve donated money. Perhaps not too dissimilar to the upswing in donations to the Royal National Lifeboat Institution. Sometimes, it’s just about saving lives and politics be damned. 💜 Oh, if you’ve not been listening to the Mermaids podcast, She Said, They Said, please give it a listen. It’s funny, informative, and great to hear news from the community.

Some organisations have stepped up to be more inclusive and, if I may ask one favour, the following should get a Gandalf nod of approval. Halifax for their work on pronoun badges (and this “If you disagree with our values, you’re welcome to close your account”). Virgin Atlantic’s improved dress code for cabin staff – oh, which saw a boom in applicants to join the team. Readers of a certain age may wish to update the classic film reference if you build it, they will come. 🏳️‍🌈

Hits

I had a look through YATGB’s stats and by far the most popular page is the Blogs one. Four times the traffic of nearly any other post. I’m not complaining, just observing.

In terms of posts, this year’s big hitters are:

• Xmas Party 2023 (boosted up by Stana’s kind feature of an old Christmas photo). Oh, and a shout-out to Steph for reminding me of Stana’s kind words on this post: “Reading her en femme adventures inspired me to start writing my own blog” (source).
• Pictures put in your head – the one about marketing, mindflips, and nudges.
• Trapdoor – what happens when you go digging into your past. I mean, it’s not perfect – but then what is? – and while my history must shape who I am, I don’t think it defines me completely. My anxiety levels are better than they were than in the middle of this year, so I’m hoping things settle somewhat and maybe going part-time week help with that. You can only try, I guess.
• Neshinistas – yes, I do feel the cold and yes, a good pair of tights warm the body & the soul. Oddly, I found a repost of my image on Pinterest just recently.
• What works for you – body image, yo.
• Shoes, meetings, shouty people, and lived experience – also known as Lynn Couldn’t Think of a Title 😋 and this one is about a topic that’s rolled on too long: the attack on our rights.
• Respair – when things get better
• Wax on, wax off – goodbye hair, hello me. Oh, this was such a wish list / bucket list thing. I was lucky enough to find a LGBTQ+ friendly salon and the lady who runs it is brilliant.

That’s the items that seemed to get the most hits. Is that a way to understand what folk find interesting? 🤔 Personally, I usually gauge interest via the comments people are kind enough to make.

Calie featured a number of thought provoking posts from trans bloggers over on T-Central. Those and a few from yours truly, as well:

• Warnings, coping, and surviving – learning to spot the warning signs around my health and how to try to be kind to myself. Gah, I feel a twit writing that, but that’s the truth of it. We do need to take care of ourselves.

• The Strange Lens – a It Gets Better post and that’s not to do it down. Sometimes, pausing the enjoy the moment can be the best medicine.

• Family – AKA so your child is trans? More on that below and Child 2.0 continues to live as they need to be. I’ve put a page under Resources on this as well.

• Not Safe to be Me – before The Convict got the boot by his own party, the LGBTQ hostile ‘Nasty Party’ – can you tell I’m not a fan of this current bunch? 😋 – burned their bridges on this one. A number of prominent LGBTQ community organisations quit on the government’s Safe To Be Me celebration. How far the administration have slipped since May’s promises on reform. Oddly, this ‘War on Woke’ does not chime with the bulk of the electorate, not indeed with many Conservative voters. Sowing hate and division: how could that possibly backfire into a rise in hate crime and a mental health crisis in the young? 🙄 But maybe I’m just overly sensitive.

• Ghosts of the Past – figurative ghosts at least, rather than the spooky type. “Leave that bloomin’ potter’s wheel alone, Demi” 😉 This one, week I guess it’s about nostalgia and that looking back at happy memories may not be a bad thing. Yes, I guess if only looked back, that may not be good. But remembering the happy events and knowing that good things happen every day – little victories, as Norman Stanley Fletcher said – are worth hanging on to.

Family

This year saw Wee Man move out into a shared house with his friends. I have missed him and it was great to have him stay over for a while at Christmas. It’s also been amazing to see him develop as a person, growing in confidence and while he’s older, he’s as kind and warm-hearted as before. His studies are going well and he’s keeping on top of things.

Child 2.0 joined a number of after-school clubs. I say this as a big thing, given their anxiety issues. There’s the art group – perhaps not surprising given their natural talent in this – and also archery plus a book club. They continue to be who they need to be and their friends have fully accepted turn too. We just need legislation needs to catch up with ‘the youth of today’. Things are starting to go in the right direction with the progress in. Scotland, interest in Northern Ireland, and other European countries. I’ve popped a page up about our experiences as a family. Yes, it will feel scary and yes, you may feel alone in this, but please know there’s a lot of families with trans teens out there. To partially quote a certain writer “Help will always be given… …to those who ask for it.” 😉

The Ever Lovely Mrs J has had a mixed year about her health. Yes, things could be better, but they could be a lot worse. It’s a chronic illness so not one that will be fixed easily. The good news is she’s on a treatment course that’s helped slow any further deterioration, but that just delays things. As a couple, we’re shuffling activities around – how we work, look after the household, have guests, but most importantly, how we spend time together. It’s… difficult to put into words how a serious condition changes someone, their partner, and the relationship. I absolutely do not mean for the worse, but that you pause and rethink what’s important.

Personal note

Looking at the good things: I’ve had time to be all of me, a trip out & about, the contentment of having my body look more like it should (legs waxed and toenails painted), and the group continues to flourish. I find it interesting that having smooth pins really helps me. No, it’s not a panacea switching me to ‘default happy’ – I’m not sure it’s possible to be happy all the time, nor indeed good for you. However, it’s like not having mild toothache or other such minor pain. When it’s not there, you feel better about yourself, and when it is, it wears you down.

In terms of Chams, I feel we weathered the storm around COVID19. We’ve had help from Nottingham Womens’ Centre (thank you!) and we’ve switched web site hosting as well. A few members have been kind enough to sing the praises of the group, and that’s helped bring in new folk.

There’s also this gem of kind feedback from an interview on the CrossYass podcast: “.. the organiser – although she always fights the label organiser – she thinks it’s everybody’s group and everything – but she is the heart and soul of it… They they were just brilliant really. I’ve heard it said on the podcast already, like I found my tribe…“. That’s really generous of you A 💜 and I was both moved and pleasantly amused by your comment. I’m (still) going to say the group belongs to the members 🙂 I’m just helping out along with Val and others.

There’s been a few research projects looking into the Trans experience and also some media stuff as well. Unusually, that’s been positive where folk have been asking about my experiences, how things could be better, and what can organisations do to make things better for trans and gender nonconforming people.

I have struggled this year with feelings of anxiety over the summer, a run in with darker thoughts in the start of ’21, and more than once, my body has -ahem- reminded me that when I’m tired, it’s time to switch off for a bit.

I think I can safely say that I’ve been pushing myself too hard and I struggle to write that. Struggle as in I’m not convinced I do enough, but if a friend asked me about their work/life balance, I’d give a different answer. Hello again self care shortcomings. 🙂

With the above in mind, I am going to try and reduce my working hours this coming year. Yes, it’ll hit the finances a little, but I had some good luck on that. I am hoping that more regular gaps in the working week will help me.

Photos

Would it be an end of year wrap up on a trans blog without photos? 😉 Hopefully the gallery below will let you swipe been images.

1. Rose dress – one from January and the dress is something that cheers me up when I wear it. Having something in your wardrobe that helps you feel pretty – even on Shrek days – is a good thing in my book.
2. Butterfly – a skirt I can’t get quite right with homemade pads, so perhaps it’s time for a rerun with the new padded shorts I bought this year. Really happy with finding those.
3. Flowers & jeans – the benefits of corsetry and padding to add shape. What I’d like to call a day out outfit, although maybe with easier heels or cute boots.
4. Queenie – given it was the Queen’s jubilee this year, the Centre had put a throne and some crowns out for photo ops for visitors. Well, it seemed rude not to make the most of the opportunity.
5. Birthday girl – the multi colored dress was a gift from the Ever Lovely Mrs J many years ago. Like the rose print, an item that makes me feel fancy (why am struggling to write pretty, when that’s really the word? 🤔) and reminds me of my dear wife’s kindness. I also turned fifty. Yeah, it was a tough paper round…. in Mordor 😋
6. Red – I felt quite officey in this and I love a fancy pattern. The latter is true for both my wardrobes. Perhaps a change in outlook and self acceptance, as back in my 30s, I’d never have dared wear a print as a bloke. Yay for genderfluidity 💖
7. Outside – pretty much the only time I managed to get out & about this year, and it’s something I’ve missed. As I said in the post, it’s a complex, uhh, thing. Part of it is I just find it easier shopping & trying on things in the right gender. There’s a chunk of something about visibility – not about me being visible, but a trans person being OTT in the world and interacting with folk. Maybe a sort of flying the flag perhaps? That’s also the feeling of this being both self care and somewhat of a luxury too. Also, when the public are cool with it, I think it helps push back against the negativity written about us.
8. Halloween – if you can’t goth up at this time, when can you? Okay, _all_ the time if you’re OG (originally gothic 😁). It’s also a chance to remix and rewear fancier items that usually only appear at Christmas or other fancy dos.
9. Tea dress – temperatures dropping and yes, I’m in barely there heels and a spring/summer dress. This item I fell on in a sale and I was sooo pleased with it. A beautiful colour and pattern, plus a wrap dress feels really flattering too.
10. Xmas – I’d planned on hiring a dress this year. Partly down to not wanting to buy something, but also for the experience and seeing how that might work. Due to bad planning, I missed the shipping date, so it was very good luck I stumbled on this party piece in the sale. A thank you to Andie on tipping me off about that. The heels, despite looking very similar to the nude barely there ones from New Look (a find in the sales pre pandemic) where -ahem- somewhat ouchy. No wonder women pop their heels off on some nights out.

I should add a thank you to Val for her kindness in helping take my photo. 💜

In closing…

If you’ve made it this far, well done 😁 It’s been quite a post and a lot of lists.

Last time I wrote about Christmas Wishes and I think they’ll certainly stand for this New Year as well. I think we – trans folk, partners, and allies – could do with some good luck in the coming year. I am hopeful that 2022 was seen as a call to arms and now good folk are working to protect, help, and support.

I’m surprised that in 2022 we’ve had such a backlash and threat to equal rights for LGBTQ+ people. I know the road to equality is not a smooth one, but this year gone seemed particularly unpleasant. I guess a case of be wary of those offering simple solutions to complex situations. Populism plus Dunning-Kruger? 🤔

Last year aside, I’d like to thank those of you who take the time to comment and share your thoughts. Likewise to those of you who contact me and ask questions, or tell me how you’re getting on. For to those of you who write your own blog, please keep them going: you’re doing a grand job and I do enjoy reading what you get to to.

Here’s hoping the next year is kind to you and yours.

Stay fabulous and take care,
Lynn x