Hello dear reader. How are things with you? I hope things are going well or moving towards getting there.
Despite a slight sprinkling of grumpy dust earlier in the week – tiredness? over work? just being a d*ck? – this week has gone surprisingly well. Okay, apart from getting drenched while taking the dogs for a walk. It seems waterproofs are only proof for so much. Luckily, there’s towels and tumble dryers 🌟
Today’s title is from the ever educating Susie Dent. A word that I found over on Positive.News here and then I stumbled on this, which made me chuckle. So, yeah, as Susie explains Respair is fresh hope; a recovery from despair. I’ll take that. Perhaps the confelicity of last night’s visit to Chams as well.
Lucky finds
With it coming up to the festive season, my eye starts to pick up on ideas for party clothes. I had planned – and might still do, just for the craic – to hire a dress for the Chams Xmas Do.
I happened to be browsing the web, after Andie tipped me off to ASOS sales being good for those of us with natural snow shoes – sorry, wide feet. Cue a pair of strappy heels (see snap). Apologies for the grainy image, that’s from a quick try on and it’s taken in the spare mirror at Chams. They are a little tall, but one must strive:! Go high or go home 😋
On a different day, I happened to spot a party dress in the sales from last year: down to £14 and in my size. I thought it would be worth a punt, as even with postage, it’s still less than the hire option.
On another site, another day, a rather pretty red polka dot wrap dress caught my eye. Down to £20 and I spent more on snacks & coffee for Child 2.0 and the Ever Lovely Mrs J last weekend. Gah, inflation eh?
Midweek makeover
Okay, not quite the full works with advice and time from an expert, but a chance to try on the new goods at least.
Now, we’ve only just put the heating on in parts of the house (kitchen, Mrs J’s room, Child 2.0), so some areas are somewhat brisk, but thankfully not breathtaking. The hall has the long mirror, so it was a case of getting ready quickly and trying things on.
I *loved* the new red dress and it made me feel, well, pretty, happy, grateful. It’s probably about as close as I can get to the word squee which feels far too modern for me. Hell, I’m still using emojis 😋
There are somethings in my wardrobe – a cool shirt, certain jewelry, and two dresses that boost my mood. This is one of them.
The shoes (above) had arrived some days prior and that was a positive in that they fitted. I did have to study the original photo as you have to cross the straps a certain way to do them up. I may not understand the offside rule, but I felt good in figuring out the footwear complexity 👍
Likewise, the Xmas Do dress fits, goes well with the shoes, and that’s another win.
I also took some time while waiting for some code to complete, to try beach waves using my hair straighteners on the human hair wig. I think I need more practice, but it mostly worked and I think getting the hair into a more sleeker look worked too. It is somewhat odd, but also awesome, to be a gent balding gradually, yet stood using hair straighteners. Even if sans makeup, I looked like a more stubbly, knackered version of Snape. 😁
Shared terms
This week I watched the TV documentary Jews Don’t Count and it was hosted by the author, David Baddiel. I’ve enjoyed David’s programmes on social media and his comedy as well. Okay, except for the occasional problematic stuff and this programme addresses the latter. Some of the show is heartbreaking; specifically his visit to a local primary school for Jewish children and filming is interrupted by a safety drill. An exercise in which the children must make themselves safe because an attacker has entered the building. Just let those words sink in.
There’s interviews throughout and it’s thought provoking stuff. On that note, there’s a number of moments in which terms like passing, outing, and the idea of stealth are covered and how they apply to the interviewee’s experience. There’s anecdotes about how people can’t be their true identity, as it’ll hold them back. There’s the media (mis)representation of Jewish people and the question of authenticity within casting. There’s some progress on this for trans folk, but it seems we’ve a way to go yet.
It wasn’t so much that those words and concepts are so known and familiar to me, but seeing it in others and hearing their experiences. I’ve no real idea what it’s like to be Jewish and, going back to the idea of passing, so long as my body is covered up, I get to pass for a middle class, straight, cisgender white man and all the safety plus privilege that gives.
But, as with those who shared their stories in the programme, even if I’m not visible, I see and hear the microaggressions, lies, fake fear, and stereotypes that target the trans community. Yeah, maybe I’m banging on about this and maybe I’m preaching to the choir. Or, just maybe, there’s other minority communities out there who have similar experiences. Perhaps we need to come together and push back collectively – allyship? – when we can.
So, to go full circle, I don’t despair. I hope that by people sharing their experiences and by others listening, we find the common good and the shared experiences. Maybe we can work to put discrimination in the bin.
Thursday
Let’s end on some happy news. On buying some new nail varnish (Essie) from Boots and a new liquid lipstick, I gained a selection of goodies. I’m okay for finishing spray, the lippy wasn’t really me, and I’m fine for mascara too. So, I kept the wee bag for my brushes and pencils, which helps reduce rummaging in my makeup bag. The other items I offered to the group and if they wanted to put a few quid in the kitty (or not as times are hard) that’s cool.
There was much shared laughter and varied conversation on Thursday as well. Going there, it helps: helps me make friends, feel safe, and be with people like me. There’s a lot to be said about the joy of finding your tribe 💜
L x
I did wonder if that was a typo. But respair is a nice coinage.
I do like the strappy sandals. Perhaps not for walking the doggies in this weather. Roll on spring, though.
Likewise the spotty red dress. A nice find.
I watched the Baddiel program. Food for thought, even if some of the people he interviewed (also Jewish) didn’t agree with all of his points, and I thought it was good of him to show that. But it does remind you that allies may not always see things the way you see them and you shouldn’t take your own feelings of otherness (or of being othered) as representative.
What is it about the Christmas party season in which thinner tights and more summery shoes than the weather dictates? Perhaps a good thing to break from opaques and boots just for the variety. I’m not sure the heels – or my feet – would survive a dog walk! 😁 The black heels are lovely and I felt the nude heels went with the red dress a little more.
Yes, the disagreement was interesting, thanks for jogging my memory on that. Perhaps we don’t need to fully agree, but if we’re all mostly going in the right direction, is that better than no progress?
As to terms and otherness, again yes; very important to hear the story and the experience behind it. It might be the same wordage, but not the same take or direction.
Thought-provoking post as always, thank you.
I forgot it was Chams last night, but I am very much looking forward to being with the tribe again! I think your photos are lovely but suspect even that a pale imitation of the reality!
Thanks Joanna. There was a lot to get out of my head this time around. Still, plenty to point at and comment on should anyone wish.
The lighting is not the best, but I’m not sure we have time to set up a lamp rig and backdrop. Maybe we should put that on our list for Santa. 😉 Last night there was a short queue of two other folk after Val. A photo to capture the memory and maybe help look back and enjoy the recollection.
Fingers crossed you’ll make the next meeting 🤞
Respair, craic and squee, three new words I’d never heard of until reading your post, I feel educated now, thanks Lynn.
Hurray for strappy heels, they look nice. I love the red polka dot dress too, very nice. I know what you mean about footwear complexity, I’ve had a couple of pairs of strappy heels that required lots of brain processing to work out. Always worth it in the end though, especially with silky smooth legs.
I’m intrigued about your Xmas Party Dress as your not giving anything anyway. I look forward to seeing what it looks like. I’m sure it’s going to be lovely as you always pick little gems and I’m sure this will be too.
I’m chuckling reading the line about a knackered looking Snape lol. I bought straightners a while ago but I’ve not been brave enough to use them yet for fear of damaging my hair. My daughter recommended I get some heat protection spray as most girls tend to use it in conjunction with their straightners.
Thought provoking section on the David Baddiel programme. I’d not seen it but you’ve summed up it’s content well. Sad world we live in that children have to rehearse such safety drills just in case and even sadder that people can’t live normal lives for fear of others.
Essie nail polish, what colour did you get then Lynn? Tell me more about that finishing spray too, I’ve never used that myself.
Good to read that you’re happy going to Chams, it really does sound like a safe and friendly place and I look forward to being able to attend in the New Year.
Take care Lynn.
Best Wishes
Lotte x
I’m afraid I have a love of accents, dialects, and language. Perhaps I should be reading more of Susie Dent’s posts and books. I’m quite wary of using any ‘yoof speak’ given my middle age dad position. Well, unless it’s used ironically then it’s lit, fam 😉 Aside from English, I think there’s fun (joy?) to be had in finding words from other languages where’s there isn’t one in our tongue. Someone told me about komorebi, which I think is Japanese for sunlight through forest leaves. Wee Man told me about krankenwagen. There’s then phrases such as “a lot of people on the balcony” when showing a lot of, umm, one’s decolletage (or ‘norgs out’ 😁).
Thanks for the kind words about the outfit and fingers crossed the party dress works. I was so pleased with the dotty number! It really made my day (and night).
Oh, the Essie varnish is Colour 30: bachelorette bash. The finishing spray seems to help set your makeup. Yes, powder helps with that anyway, but a quick spritz can help with a matte or dewy look. I use the Nyx brand given the reviews, but I think it’s about picking the one for your needs and skin type. Likewise with the heat protector for your locks. Good luck if you chance your luck on straightening your hair. You can put that down to going to another Placebo gig 😉
The documentary is well worth a watch, IMO. The school thing… yeah, that’s upsetting and thinking on it, it’s reminded me of Mrs J saying her friend’s school had a panic button (this was in the 90s) because of some of the parents. I don’t know if you’ve noticed schools building fences in the last few decades as well.
If you can make it to Chams, it would be lovely to see you. I feel really lucky to have the group in my life. They’re a lovely lot and I guess we all try to be there for each other. As members have often pointed out, there’s plenty of folk who don’t like who we are. Having a place where we can leave that behind and feel accepted, valid, and okay; well, you can’t put a price on that…. other than the attendance fee 😉
What a lovely dress … and the girl in it is not bad either! Are those bare legs you’ve got? Very smooth if so – those waxing sessions are really paying off.
I’m glad you had a good time with your tribe. It’s obviously a real tonic.
Have a nice weekend.
Sue x
Just the tonic indeed, Sue , thank you🍸
The waxing is paying off, yes, and certainly psychologically too. As with last time’s post, it’s a reduction in wrongness. I feel more as I should when my pins (rolling pins? 😁) are smooth.
Mind you, light denier tights certainly help. Makeup for the legs, I guess.
Makeup for the legs, absolutely. Was this a slogan for one of the hosiery firms many years ago? Your tights are excellent. Sue’s Legwear Bible would like to know the brand.
Also, Nurse Sue recommends feminising rituals and meetups with likeminded people on a regular basis for optimum trans health!
Sue x
I’m not sure if the phrase was an ad line or just advice I read, Sue. The tights are likely to be Gipsy Open Toe Better Than Bare.. I’ve also got some Pretty Polly ones as well. Both come with a sort of loop that goes between your big toe and your other pinkies to hide under a shoe’s strap.
Oh, and please do report that Nurse Sue can have a promotion to Doctor given her excellent advice and care over the years 💜
The dotty dress was lovely, I am very keen on dots. Dotty tights are on the list of things I haven’t done yet.
I haven’t tried the fixing spray yet, but perhaps tomorrow.
Can’t wait to see your party dress
Thank you, Izzy. The dress did make me feel very pretty which was certainly good for my feelings. There’s a range of colours available and I’m trying to avoid buying another. Maybe in the new year!
I remember dotty tights from the 80s and maybe they’re worth a revisit just for fun. Maybe not the shoulder pads. Well, unless used on the hips. 😉
Good luck with the spray and I hope it helps. I find it helps keep my makeup matte.
I am hoping the party dress works on the night. I’ll no doubt pack a backup outfit in case I have last minute jitters. I have at least tried it on, so at least I know it fits. Fingers crossed 🤞 Have you got your outfit planned?
I can’t reply to your reply on my reply as the system seems to offer just two dialogues per set, like a jobsworth jailer. Bad system, naughty system!
A promotion? Excellent! That means I can now prescribe more holidays, shorter hours, prettier frocks and all the hormones you can eat! (Pity about the NHS salary, though!)
Thanks for the info on the tights. A good choice of style. I did wonder if you had any on as your peepie toes are wiggling in the open air. I rate Gypsy highly.
Sue xx
Sorry about the limit on replies. They look fine on the desktop version of WordPress. But on mobile, if you get three comments in, you can end up with the next being crunched into three to four characters and that makes it hard to read.
I’m not confident enough to go bare faced nor bare legged: some of us need all the help we can get 😁
Enjoy the promotion and please don’t forget the ice baths for any pests. 😉
PS congrats on being featured on T Central
Thank you, Lynn. I’ve always found TCentral a top-rate trans resource and it’s nice to be part of it in some small way.
I never go bare legged either. It’s quite improper!
Ice baths, eh? Now there’s something I’d forgotten about a hospital armoury! I learnt my nursing techniques entirely from the Carry-On films and I am sure the old ways are best (-“Cold baths every hour, Matron” – “Yes, Dr Tinkle”)
Sue xx
For some younger, fancier folk; I’m sure bare pins it’s completely fine. For those of us who need a little more help, there’s a wealth of hosiery and other tweaks.
The other day, Mrs J was saying how some folk are taking up cold water swimming or ice baths, as apparently they can help with conditions affected by inflammation.