Hi,
I think I’m going to just dive in and waffle my way out of stumbling around this post 🙂 I know: what’s new! 😉
It’s not been an easy week and certainly one of highs and lows. The bad news is the awful treatment of helpline volunteers at Mermaids and this resulted in the charity closing the line for a time. There’s not much I can do (I doubt my MP will listen), so I’ve donated to help top up the funds. At least that feels like doing something.
In more positive news, I’ve been trying to focus on the moment rather than being such in my head. I stumbled upon a phrase – I am not my thoughts – which I keep coming back to when my mind takes a turn to less pleasant areas. I also had a fantastic conversation with two trans friends on Thursday evening. An hour or more of laughter, family news, trans stuff, and ask the good things in a friendship. Thank you both! 💋
So there’s that… and….
Meanwhile, sometime earlier
The last time I’d been out in the world was six months before the pandemic. That feels like a very long time ago. With what’s going on in my head and my heart, I wanted to push myself, push back against the nerves, and prove to myself I could get out again. That and try to find some self-care by doing something for me.
All of that and I think there’s something about being visible and present in public is important. It’s not about being me being seen, but about others meeting a Trans person. Call it representation if you want. But, maybe that’s just my hangups. 🙂
As with other thoughts burbling around the current What’s Trending? brain riot, I tried my best to not overthink. Instead, to hope that it may come to pass and to be ready to say maybe another day, if outside factors scuppered things.
Getting ready
Despite having a fairly fixed view of the daytime outfit (office chic) in my head, the business of finding things and the frequent trips up & down stairs, well, it took me nearly two hours to get ready 🤦♀️Perhaps this explains the bag packing I do for Chams: it’s all good to go. Anyway, I managed a quick photo in the hall just in case things went sideways later.
I decided to forgo the corset and stay with sightly more flexible shapewear. This was in case I wanted to try act shoes on or suchlike. I was surprised at not noticing a big difference, given what I was wearing. Maybe it’s a case of saving the hard steel for when it’s really needed? 🤔
Usually, I would head to Leicester, but the travel time, last month’s violence in the city and knowing my old changing spot was closed, put me off. So, it was time to go loco. Sorry, local. 🙂
Lessons learned
Now, when it comes to buying certain products – cosmetics, shoes, clothes, underwear, etc – it’s easier when you’re presenting as the gender in question. There’s also a level of practicality around being dressed appropriately – padding, hosery, etc – that helps in this too. I’ve learned the hard way that trying on a dress without my curves on… Well, there’s disappointment because it underlines just how blokey I look in drab mode. The item, no matter how well cut, just hangs off me. So knickers to repeating that experience! 🙂
Despite the progress around non-binary acceptance, my experience is still a lean towards… unease from some vendors… when buying femme items in bloke mode. In fairness, that’s mostly around cosmetics and the like, but it’s still waaay better than it was ten or five years ago. For trying on clothes, I follow the store’s guidance of using the facilities that match how I look.
Back to the day itself
Once I was parked in the underground car park, I found the lift and that took me to the ground floor of the shopping centre. I was slightly delayed, having paused to try and find a useful “you’re in the orange zone, row blah“, but there was nothing! I didn’t see any lost tribes wandering in the smart lighting induced gloom 😉, so maybe this is a new thing? 🤔 I made a mental note (yes, even my side memoires are mental 😉) which shop the lift was near.
Despite not being alone in the lift, there was a slight disturbance in the Force 🙂 as the doors slid open and the hustle-and-bustle noise of hundreds of people washed over me. Still, it’s easier to be lost in a crowd! Time to draw on my Big Girl pants’ magic powers and step out.
I did clock up about five thousand steps and while my newly stretched heels where comfy (thanks for the recommendation, Andie 👍), there’s only so much calf muscle exercise a lady of near middling years can take 🙂
So, how did I get on? Well, I wanted to get some new foundation for me and some skincare products for the Ever Lovely Mrs J. I fancied a look for an office style shirt/blouse or a ditsy print skirt as well. I also had my eye out for some shapewear knickers and a shorter underskirt as well. I had to, uhh, trim my previous one to make it okay with my on the knee skirt.
No luck on the shapewear, skirt, or blouse front, but it felt good to take my time and gently work my way through new stock and charity shop offerings. I did pop into Roman Originals and the store did not give the same vibe as their online presence. The staff were lovely, but nothing caught my eye.
I checked out both New Looks – okay, there shoe collections 🙂 – but nothing caught my eye. I wondered about a pair of barely there heels in black, but I have a pair in nude that I feel would work just as well. So, pennies saved.
M&S had just the slip I wanted, but nowhere seemed to have the shapewear knickers I wanted. Most were flimsy feeling sports material, which I’m not sure would give the right, ahem, tuck. I must have been lucky when I bought this set at Debenhams all those years ago.
I did manage to get my foundation and also a test pot of a lighter shade. I mentioned I was concerned I might be struggling to blend between face and neck. However, the Clinique specialist (MUA?) said that she couldn’t see said concern, but would give me a tester pot to try at home. Given my blusher had fragmented in to fabulous pink shrapnel, that was another purchase. Mrs J’s moisturiser was a choice between a regular pot or a regular pot with extra gift items. Even Missy No Maths can work that out. All in, it meant I qualified for some free gifts, so – mascara aside – that’s more for Mrs J.
Having walked from the upper part of town and back, I headed back to the car, and drove off to Chams HQ to get changed. It was then a case of getting through the traffic and home.
While my feet and legs are certainly feeling it, overall I’m glad of the luck to get time out as me. It was all too last minute to arrange to meet anyone and my planned visit to TrendCo was off the cards due to then being busy elsewhere. Maybe something for another time.
L x
I’m delighted to hear you got out and about again and enjoyed your adventures in the shops. You’re looking very smart, too. And your getting-ready observations are practical advice for anyone, frankly. So I hope this little trip really recharged your trans batteries and I hope you’ll get plenty more.
Sorry to hear about Mermaids. You’d have thought that with all the very serious problems in the world right now people would have bigger fish to fry, but then I forget how petty a lot of people are.
Sue xx
Thanks Sue. The getting ready thing is a bit odd I guess. I mean, in bloke mode is a case of a wash, maybe a buzz with the razor, and pop my togs on. While ‘Lynn mode’ might require a bit more prep, maybe next time I should try to at least stay on one floor! Still, good exercise 🙂
The trip out did indeed recharge the old batteries 🙂 There’s something about being out as oneself that’s somehow validating and almost a feeling of being able to breathe, if that last bit makes sense.
Yes, poor Mermaids have had a tough run of late. I think the bigots have been gunning for them. First, there was an infiltration by a Torygraph journalist and then Mermaids found out a board member had been involved in some type of apologist stance on abusers. I think I’m right in saying that person quit before Mermaids could sack them, but that’s fuel to the fire being fanned by anti-trans folk. Funny, there’s a lot of guff about ‘protecting children’ written by those who don’t understand or who are, frankly, ignorant about the issues young trans people face. There’s a difference between now knowing and wilful ignorance, IMO. The former is something a lot of us fall into, the latter I feel and be avoided. I can only hope allies and donations help Mermaids weather the storm and we must survive this. I think if I’d had the help of Mermaids as a teen, I might not have felt so alone, wrong, or had thoughts of suicide. As a parent with a trans teen, Child 2.0 needed support too and I’ve heard from other parents with trans kids, how much help – just from being listened to and respected – Mermaids have been.
Yay for getting out and having some self-care time! Loving your outfit choices. Sounds like a great day, as you say, just being an example and bringing a little more acceptance into the world of honest ordinary folk.
It goes without saying, but I shall say it anyway: you look amazing. 🙂
Self care batteries functioning at 100%, Captain 🖖😁
Thanks for the kind words about the outfit. I felt quite professional rather than my usual scruffy bloke self 😁
Fabulous new on getting out and about again and giving the smooth pins a public airing. A local shopping trip is something we wouldn’t think twice about or even regard as a necessary chore in bloke mode but it makes all the difference to do it as our true self.
You’re right, Susie. It may well have been just another set of things to do in bloke mode. But by making more of a day of it, it felt a lot better.
Re: pins, it’s a bit like not wearing the wrong clothes. What I mean is, I feel more like me when they are not -ahem- fully carpeted. So to speak! 🙂 It’s like when your health is just right, or your weight; it’s about a sort of body contentment, if you will
Good that you’re out and about again 🙂
I didn’t do either of the things I was thinking about in my own post. Instead, I went out in my skirt yesterday morning. A random woman in Waterstones said “great skirt” and that was it.
Incidentally, re parking: I use level 2 which is nearly always near empty. You can park by the lifts and don’t have to think at all about where you left the car. You can thank me later 😉
A compliment in Waterstones means it’s one from a well read person, so it’s 78.61% better 😉 Props to you for rocking that in public and for the kindness of the other person 🏳️🌈
“You can thank me later…” 😁 That did make my chuckle and I’ll keep that advice fort next time. It may also help me get out of the car park more quickly too
Glad to hear you have been out and about ! and I hope you won’t have to leave it so long the next time.
Love the outfit, you can’t beat a mirror selfie, although lift ones are very popular too 🙂
In a strange coincidence I also purchased an M&S slip in black yesterday for a dress that was a little too sheer.
Sorry to hear you will have to keep your existing big girl pants for the time being, as you couldn’t find replacements.
Intrested to know your enchantment process to bestow the magical powers on shapeware.
Thanks Isobel. Yes, nearly three years is a little too long. I don’t get out very much – maybe twice a year? – but it certainly helps if I get the chance.
Using the lift mirror is a good idea. Each time I was in one, there was someone with me, so I didn’t feel okay taking a quick snap. Next time, I’ll keep an eye out for the option.
I hope your slip fixes the sheerness issue. It did for me with the navy skirt I had on.
Maybe I need to find somewhere that does some Spanks or clones thereof. 🤔 Still, not urgent at the mo
Hey Lynn,
Great to read that you’ve finally been able to get out and about, that’s really good.
Love your mirror selfie and nice outfit too but I never expect less from you with regards to your choice of clothing.
Ah Romans Originals, I’ve walked past one of their stores nearby my workplace a few times and there always seems to be some nice stuff on display. I must check out there website as I’ve never visited it before.
Glad you were able to get your slip from M&S. Shame about the shapewear but it sounds like you got some makeup essentials which is good and some stuff for Mrs J too which is good also.
Shame about Mermaids, sad times.
Take care, speak soon
Lotte x
You could bung Mermaids a tenner (or whatever you can afford) 🙂 Mermaids do an amazing job and I’ve heard a lot of good things from parents who’ve approached them for help. Again, it’s the same old sh***y moral panic guff that was aimed at gay men in the 80s. As back then, it’ll be the younger generation who’ll suffer for that, and that is not okay. Being a teen is not easy. Being a LGBTQ+ teen is even less easy. Been there myself and as the parent of a trans teen, I’m seeing a different view. F### bigotry ✊
Ahem 🤭 Back to being out 🙂 Thanks for the kind words about the outfit. If you do pop into RO, I hope your local store shows their clothes off better than the one I visited. It was so dim. I’d be interested to know what you make of the styles sold online.
No luck on the shapewear, so I’ve tried Esty and fingers crossed that’s a good fit. I’d read online this particular shop was very good and the reviews were very positive. Hopefully I’ve picked the right size for Little Miss Big Pants 😁