Mind the gap

Hi,

Last time I mentioned the phrase “a sting of dysphoria”. Sometimes the feeling of not being right with how you look can pounce on you. It’s not like such feelings sneak up, and if you look carefully, they’re lurking in the bushes or pretending to suddenly examine the contents of a shop window. No, these, for me at least, lurk unseen, biding their time for some type of trigger event. A gap between support meetings, or being stuck in a suit for work. I once had a trigger event while a lady waited to set off from the junction in her car. Her hair flicked as she looked both ways, and my negative inner voice said: “You’ll never do that.” Thanks, that’s really helping 😀

No, this is, at least for me, a sting or stab, and off we go. Off we go around the familiar ghost-train moans of Why Not; She Looks Great, I don’t; and F*** This For A Lark. I push against these inner demons with thoughts of You’re Doing Your Best, This Won’t Get Anywhere, and Stay Cool, It’s Only a Few More Days, etc. Magic mantras and techniques to try and keep out of the distant Dark Woods, the Black Dog that howls from within. Thing is, I know I have to stay away from that area, by not giving such negative thoughts air time. The knack is walking the talk. 🙂

But, this is not an easy battle. Once the miserable metronome starts a ticking, I’m into coping strategies: searching for the right shoes/lippy/top/etc, which can distract; or avoiding anything too transition positive. Those articles, a bit like the reality TV transformations, I need to keep at arm’s length. I’m happy for the person living their life and I try not to be jealous or compare myself to them. After all, I’m not them, that’s not my life, and I’ve a family I love dearly. Comparing yourself to others, ah, there’s a good beat yourself up exercise 🙂

No, it’s the fantasy that I could be like that, that I have to slay. That’s my Dream Demon: not one that thrives on my fear, but one that lives for the lies it tells and my inner want for it to be oh so easy. But then, who wouldn’t want the dream? There’s no piper to pay in the dream world, no responsibility….

I know as a adult that that’s not how things work. Plus, if I ignore those lies and expose them to the proverbial light of day, they fall apart like so much smoke and mist.

So, if there’s a point to this ramble, beware of false fantasys, What Ifs or If Onlys. Instead, and I may well have yet to learn this myself, think on what you do have, be thankful for that, and don’t stop striving to make the best of the situation you’re in.

 Take care,
Lynn

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