Good weekend? I hope so. It’s been a bit rainy, but hey, at least the lawn won’t have karked it eh?
How much do you hold back? I don’t mean biting your tongue or leaving out life’s minutae; more… self censorship. There’s been a couple of occasions with this blog, although it happens more on comments I leave with others, where I’ll re-read what I’ve put, re-do it, only then to delete that too. Is it a lack of confidence, not wanting to offend or just that one’s own jokes frequently look rather flat? I’m just not sure.
I also tend to find myself rambling (Ed: No sh**!) where a person’s post will filter through my mind, pinging off new thoughts as I’m typing a reply. If I don’t get what I want to say down early, my reply starts to make less and less sense – especially if I start to diliberate over it.
I guess it goes back to something I feel I’ve posted before: that sometimes there’s so much going on in my head – like a riot of butterflies – that it’s difficult to nail down any one particular thought and go with that.
Then there are the posts you don’t make. Intimate and personal things that are best left between partners and friends. Not so much dirty laundry, but stuff you don’t want to share. The latter could sound sappy or exclude people outside that cicrle and I’m not big on cliques.
I did the censorship thing the other night. Stephanie had posted her feelings and a number of us had responded: messages containing questions and/or support. After reading her response to those, I had a creative burst and blogged about that.
But… it just didn’t feel right. I don’t know if it was too invasive (I’d copied text from Stephanie’s blog); too personal (you don’t want to accidentally put your foot in it) or just too me-me-me. Yeah, I know this is a blog where the key theme is me, but if I’m honest, I’d rather talk about matters that promote discussion. Ironically, I don’t post very frequently to the trans forums.
Now I’ve re-written what I’ve put down and tweaked the odd word here and there. Having re-read it, I now look at it and wonder ‘why am I posting this? What am I trying to say?’ The delete button hovers to the right of my little finger, yet I hold off, stuck in contemplation. I’ll put this in draft for now. It’s good to have a bit of filler to fall back on eh? 🙂
[ Update, well, it’s made it out of draft 🙂 Also, Google have updated their Analytics system. The new one’s rather impressive. ]
[ Update 2: Seeing as I seem to post using another’s words, credit is in order. Today’s title comes from Pearl Jam’s Even Flow. Two Hornby points if you got it! 🙂 ]