Hi,
How’s things with you, dear reader? This week has been – unfortunately a full give days, but moving on! – moments of enlightening “oh, that makes sense now”.
For anyone thinking, Ah, Lynn’s about to come out and finally transition. As the rather good film stated: “A good guess, but actually no.” 😁
Let’s rev back the clock and kick off with a tale of a three folk sat around the kitchen table. Today’s visualisation exercise will feature Child 2.0, the Ever Lovely Mrs J, and Yours Truly in Bloke Mode.
As Child 2.0 is reaching their middle point of teenage years, so conversation broadens and crosses into culture, people, etc. In a passing comment about neurodiversity in schools and later life diagnosis, conversation drifted into how we talk more openly – and without shame – around mental illness. For the record, neurodiversity is not mental illness, and yet, one might influence the other.
As we chatted I looked up ADHD and just for fun, I looked at one of those online tests you can do. As I read out the questions, well, you can probably guess the sound of (loving) laughter and “that is so you!”
At this point of the exercise, those of a surrealist leaning may wish to imagine Morpheus tapping on the window: “Do ye nae remember taekin’ tha red pill, ya gret Ned?”. No, I don’t know why he’s a Weegie either. I did say it was surreal.
As a friend who went to Chams used to say: “Oh,” and nod sagely in realisation. Yes, that.
Readme.txt
So, I’ve had a look on-line at a few articles and… deep sigh… Yes, I have looked at it through a trans lens.
BTW, if you’re curious what a trans lens is, it’s a regular lens that’s banned from bathrooms, sports, and while is statistically more likely to be murdered; oddly they’re classed as the risk. Okay, I’ll get off soap box now 🤪
I’ve had a look at a few articles on ADHD in trans people and also how it affects women. bUt yOoVe a wNIKy! yoO aer a mAnn! Thank you inner Twatasphere for your insightful comment. 🙄 Gender is complex, nuanced, and not a binary. It may – or may not – match the birth sex of the person in question.
Reading the old school research where specialists spoke around hyperactivity, aggression, acting up in school, etc; none of these really gelled. It was as I hit this:
…this diagnosis gap happens partly because it’s a condition that was traditionally thought to affect mostly men, but also because women tend to have less obvious or socially disruptive symptoms than men
VeryWellMind
Okay, so if a person may lean more towards being trans femme then…?
Well, let’s get the scorecard up.
- chronic disorganization – yes, I am lost without Planner, a piece of paper, notes, or Google Keep.
- difficulty starting or completing tasks – yes, being overwhelmed, not knowing where to start, excessive worrying, putting it off, etc
- absent-mindedness – I get lost in my thoughts and there’s times when I switch off to the outside would. I’d call that ‘gone time’ because, well, I’m just gone and so has the time. I’m often late because of this.
- distractibility – with a dozen plus butterfly thoughts on my head or seeing something that needs doing – email, SMS, put that in the washing up, etc. Noises like a ticking clock or the dog licking something.
- forgetfulness – it’s either the New Important Thing is lost in the swirl of ideas or, if I’ve failed to write it down, it’s out of sight, out of mind.
- difficulty with focus and organization – again, dear old Tumble Drier Full of Bricks. I use technology as a second and steady brain to remind me of things.
- trouble listening – I can hear… it’s that I get distracted by my thoughts or other noises and what’s said doesn’t go in.
- challenges following directions – my sense of direction is terrible and if the instructions are long, my brain looks for shortcuts.
It’s like a checklist of self description and personal failings…. ( Further reading here ). I would add that I’m not a total ditz, but that I really struggle in certain locations and situations. I guess it’s a case of Know Thyself and work to… umm… work around known clashes.
Update: I’ll pop this video in and there’s a short series of them. I felt the existing things better than I have.
Reading up on feelings of being overwhelmed in loud spaces (Eff you, open plan offices), but being able to hyperfocus in quiet areas on a task (hello home working & scripting/programming, blogging, gaming, etc). Paper all over the place, overspending (yes – ooo, shiny!) and I struggle to hear. On the latter – and more accurately – my hearing (yes, I had it tested) is okay. It’s the bit between my ears that’s the issue.
What next?
So…. Where does this take me? Well, to the GP to seek a referral and a test. I am… trying to understand it and my reason for seeking a diagnosis, is for reasonable adjustments at work.
At an emotional level, it’s a bit of a mix. I feel like I have a pattern of things that explain why I do what I do, and why certain conditions work best for me. I am loud, but I like the quiet to work in. I’ve built up systems and hacks to keep mostly organised, but it’s a struggle.
Fingers crossed for a quick turnaround.
L x
Help! Your little list is my little list too. Because I can’t remember the detail I tend to work things out for myself.
Fortunately, it hasn’t stopped me from learning how to put a dozen plus cosmetics on my face with half a dozen brushes. The benefits of trial and error I suppose.
Penny from Edinburgh.
I may not have explained things very well, so my apologies. For me, the lack of focus is like a mind that’s a firework show. Yeah, there are interludes of quiet, but a lot of time, it’s a barrage of pops, whooshes, screeches, and flash bangs of thoughts and ideas. Then there’s the hyperfocusing on an interest, which I used to put down as geeking out.
Congrats on the success with cosmetics. It seems there’s a lot of things where you just have to put the hours in.
Interesting list of conditions they could cover things such as dyslexia, early stage dementia, a total lack of lack of confidence etc, but I am not sure where or if the trans issue comes in to that list.
The only trans people I have ever meet normal have their minds firing on all cylinders
Yeah, the trans stuff doesn’t come into the list, it’s completely separate. Yet, there is an influence.
What I was trying to get across, is that my behaviours – if I do have ADHD – lean more towards the patterns seen in females who have the condition. I am male, yet my interests/hobbies/outlook is generally not in that camp. See emotional, empathetic, caring, dislike of rough play as a kid, “we thought he was gay” (yeah, cos all gay men are feminine, FFS 🙄).
Looking through the online articles, one researcher points out that neurodiversity seems to be generally higher in the trans community. They postulated that when a person is atypical and they question how the world works, they may also question the gender binary too.
For me, not being cisgender and feeling like an outsider, it’s influenced my acceptance of other minority communities. In the 80s, during the AIDS crisis and Gay Rights, when many around me where unaccepting of lesbian, gay, and bi folk; my instinct was more “but why can’t a person love who they love?”.
I would kindly pick up on the word ‘normal’ and say that I don’t think anyone is. We’re all slightly quirky, coping with what life had thrown at us, or the cards Fate dealt.
A very fair point only you gets to define what ‘normal’ and its usually an image of yourself.
As for the 80’s thats when I went to uni and actually meet some lesbian, gay, and bi folk for the first time. I could not understand what all the fuss was about and how they could be a threat, they just seem to want to get on with life
Yes, empathy may help with thinking about other people. Some folk have that with ability, some may not, and some may decide to ignore it.
In terms of learning about people, here’s a quote from Grayson Perry from the TV show, Full English:
“The problem for a lot of people in this country, is that they live in places like here, where they don’t meet people from different backgrounds, and so they don’t humanise them.”
As with your experience on meeting new people, it’s when we find people are more like us than not, that things improve.
I think the above may be the undoing of the politics of hate. At least, so long as people come out, and their family, friends, and peers find them not to be the villains they’re made out to be, it erodes the rhetoric.
The catch here, of course, is it is safe to come out? But for some, it’s not a choice.
I was listening to a psychiatrist talking about this on the radio earlier in the week.
Be very way about self-diagnosis from a quiz on the internet. ADHD is very specific and the H is important. Hyperactivity: restlessness, disruptiveness, attention seeking. And if I remember correctly, almost always starting in childhood/early adolescence. Suddenly finding that you are ADHD in adulthood is very dubious.
What you list sounds more like my normal mode of disinterest and procrastination for tasks that don’t interest or engage me.
Yes, I’m very wary that a quiz of ten questions is a diagnosis. That’s why I’m going to ask for an appointment with a specialist.
Looking into it, the condition does manifest differently in men and women, and yet there’s some commonality that explain why those affected struggle with certain tasks and behaviours.
On talking with Mrs J, of a few of her female friends who’ve had a diagnosis around Autism, or seems the condition is often missed because they build coping mechanisms that help mask it.
I would say that as a person who suffered from depression, not everyone who has that, has the same experience or symptoms. Yeah, there’s some commonality, but how you may react, how I may, will be different. So that may also be true with ADHD: masking or coping mechanisms, social conditioning, etc.
My experiences around people is that we’re not hard divisions of categories. We’re much more of a blend of difference characteristics. Looking at just sexuality, the change in acceptance we’re seeing, it’s much more nuanced. Likewise with mental health and neurodiversity: it’s not normal or abnormal. It’s a sliding scale of intensity, IMO.
Hope that the GP visit is useful and get referred quickly – I assume it will be a lot quicker to see someone about that than the trans stuff at least !
Do trans lenses have any useful features, if not I don’t think they will sell too well – do they look more fabulous than standard lenses at least ?
I will be spending today hyperfocusing on my car 🙂
I’m hopeful the referral is quite quick. Well, add much as it can with the lack of investment in the NHS.
I think there’s new lens out to celebrate the stealing of the rainbow by the trans and the gays. 😉 Of course, it’s important to wear sunglasses when wearing a trans lens, because the light might refract and the resulting rainbow laser could have people on the turn. It’s important to protect the super straights. They’re such delicate little snowflakes 😁
I did note the recent BBC investigation into the disparity in ADHD consultation between NHS and private. Colour me surprised to find private routes had a stark uptick in false positives and the selling on of medicines. Who would’ve thought an organisation designed to turn a profit would behave in that manner. I’m shook 🙄
I hope the car work goes well – careful with your nails. I think it’s good to get lost in a hobby when you can.
If you have not already, might I humbly suggest Yo Samdy Sam as a late diagnosed ADD and ASD woman.
When I went for an ASD diagnosis I had to wait 30 months for an appointment. Be wary also, the pressure is on the NHS to find reasons NOT to diagnose at the moment.
Thanks for the suggestion. I’d heard of Sam’s name, but not looked further than the interviews I’d bumbled upon.
The NHS things does not surprise me. The service has been gutted of mental health professionals by cuts and government negligence. We really struggled to get help for Child 2.0 and I dare say this may be another long haul.
You know I have purged so many times.
Yes, it can be a difficult cycle to break out of. However, it is possible. Sometimes by persistence, mindfulness even, and there’s no shame in seeking professional help either.
I’m going through this now. ADHD had never crossed my mind. I’d always assumed my issues were down to stress, anxiety and depression, but a month ago a tiktok video came across my Instagram account and it was like a firework display going off in my mind – their issues mirrored mine. It was uncanny. GP has arranged a referral (12-18 months, with a private contractor to the NHS. 4yrs if referred directly to the NHS). Then last week never having had an anxiety attack before (to my knowedge, anyway) I had one a day for 3 days at work – not nice! Now on a month’s sick leave and going for a talking therapies session on Thursday. Would be interesting to compare notes – maybe I’ll get along to a Chams meeting soon. Good luck with your journey, Lynn.
Hi Alex. I hope you’ve been keeping well and sorry to hear about the anxiety attack – they’re awful.
I’m with you about the firework metaphor and good luck with the talking therapy.
Be good to catch up at Chams if you’re about.