The Formula of You

Hi,

It’s been a bit of an odd week this time around. Some good, some could-be-better, some WTAF?!, and a few tears along the way.

My, that does sound dramatic that last bit! But it’s nothing serious or life threatening. I guess things build up and the eyeball sprinklers go into test mode 😉 Readers of a more fabulous nature may prefer the phrase mascara bothering egress 😁 but I wouldn’t know anything about that (Ted 😉).

Could-be-better

You might have picked up on an earlier link about Highly Sensitive People. Do please click the link if you’re curious. I’ve since read – and I can’t find the link – that the word sensitive comes with extra cultural baggage. E.g.: ‘stop being so sensitive!’.

The point I’m making is the high level of empathy associated with HSPs is both a gift and a curse.

Take for example this week, where I read a wonderfully written blog – Stained Glass Woman – via this post, What Does All This Trans Stuff Mean?

I read on, interested in Can I Offer You An Egg In These Trying Times? (no, I don’t watch the show). FYI, an ‘egg’ can be sometime who doesn’t realise they are trans. Something happens to ‘crack the egg’ and out they come. I’ll say now, this is not turning someone 🙄 As with finding you might be bi or similar, that was always within you. You just weren’t exposed to the right language, situation, or – perhaps trigger – to let you make the mental leap of 2+2=you.

What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

Morpheus, The Matrix

Anyway! I hit this: “…and an existential depression that will not lift is one of the most common symptoms of gender dysphoria there is….”

Deep sigh…. Well, sh**.

I felt the above hit like the proverbial hammer. As someone who’s struggled with depression in the past and keeping dysphoria away often feels more like bailing out than fixing the boat or getting to shore, well, yeah. 😔

There’s the worry that that particular curse – or more accurately, curses plural – are wrapped up and…. can one escape dysphoria if you don’t transition? I really do not want to lift the lid on that trapdoor. Heck, I’ve seen Evil Dead 2 😁

I’m not a fan of binary choices. The reductionist thinking is more often a ploy to entrap someone into agreeing against a basic straw man arguement. So, no. I don’t think it’s a case of depression + dysphoria – transition = inner peace.

It’s very crap Maths today isn’t it? 🤔

Maybe for some folk, to go full time – in whatever way works for them – absolutely is the direction of travel they need. I just don’t think it’s for me.

Okay, big girl pants on. Let’s move on….

Godwin

Every now and then, the mood – or the Muse? 🤔 – takes me and I rattle off one of those script things. I’ll treat them as satire because that doesn’t have to be funny. That’s my excuse to not being witty enough and I’m sticking to it 😜

Some months back, and it’s still lost in mists of the Drafts section, I penned the starting of a skit. It featured a series of animals discussing behaviour within the stone age camp and it culminates with a faction of them wanting to invite wolves in. The enemy of my enemy and all that.

But, I held off posting it. Despite the MO being let’s dial this up to eleven and see where it goes comedically, the idea of siding with actual Nazis seemed, well, frankly insane and unkind. I know HSPs, right? 🙂

Then there was the debacle in Australia with actual Nazis present at an anti-trans event. WTAF.

Look, you can be left, you can be in the middle, you can be on the right, you can throw in an extra axis of authoritarian or libertarian; but the last time hate groups like that got organised in the 1930s, it would be an understatement to say ‘it did not end well’.

Perhaps, things do need to go up to the wire and then non-trans folk will start to see the true threat.

Closing on better times

If you’re still here after wading through the swamp, well done. Thursday meant it was time for Chams and despite some “what should I be wearing?” self doubt vibes, things went well.

I had massively overpacked – the carry bag, not my bra. Shame on you! 😉 – and I seem to be wobbling a little fashion wise, with the shift from Winter to Spring, mixed with Hello 50, and a sprinkle of Goodbye Smooth Pins.

But, at least I was happy with my slap and my fallback outfit (a much loved wrap dress from back in the day) certainly helped my mood. Also, some new earrings because why not. Sometimes it’s the little things 💜

That and I decided to go somewhat retro and team my (new to me) heels with leggings. Oh, and as per feedback, you should now be able to click said image if it’s too small on your phone.

We had a new person come along and some returning new folk too (great to see, IMHO). The group certainly made people feel welcome which is just how we like to do things. 💜

Conversation was quite mixed, with folk talking in pairs or trios, and then we ask seemed to merge into a single discussion midway through. It was as Joanna, Debbie, and I were talking about – let’s call it what it is – bigotry and where that may be being driven from. I should add from a cultural and historic sense, not the Tin Foil Hat kind 🙂 Others chipped in with ideas and comments, and I know I learned a few things. Eventually, the topic shifted slightly and we fragmented again.

With Val being caught up with work, bless her, Isobel kindly stepped to to assist with the photography (thanks missus!) and with a busy night, there was a queue for Hollywood Corner. Hopefully everyone got a turn and memories were caught for the night.

Quite a busy night and equally, very enjoyable too.

L x