Breaking the spell

Hi,

Shall we have a positive post to break things up a bit? It’s been a bit of tricky few weeks of late, so hopefully this will help break the cycle.

( Perhaps it would’ve been quicker to ask a level 6 friend to cast Remove Curse, but that may be a geek reference too far 🤓 Then again, could someone cast it across the UK? I feel we need help 😉 ).

Moving on…

Background

At the risk of sounding like a character from The Fast Show – oddly, something I didn’t really watch – this week I have mostly been acting as a house husband. No, not married to a house (cue hOUses dEm4nd maRridge rigHts – iTs pOlitiKal cORectnses gNe mAdd! hate farming 🙂).

Sorry. Moving on. Again… 🙂

…but when both parents are employed – a common, but not universal experience – sometimes the Ever Lovely Mrs J goes away on business. That leaves Muggins here in the momentary world of parent alone and – now, I know I say this a lot – walking in someone else’s shoes – typically teaches me something new. For example, the unwritten rule that men start work just before nine and are there until something past five. That was my experience until we started a family. There’s still this societal hangover and reaction in certain quarters of “so you’re doing both school runs?” which is something the Ever Lovely Mrs J didn’t get. I guess, with her being the lady of the house, it’s assumed she’ll pick up. Umm, no…? TBH, I enjoy seeing more of my son and the mid afternoon break (hello shorter lunch time) gets me up and about. Anyone had similar experiences?

As much as travel can be a mixed blessing and not many places are as comfy as your own bed, sometimes I think it’s nice to break up the routine and stay elsewhere…. particularly if it’s on the company budget 😁

With Wee Man being away at Uni, this meant it was pretty much myself and Child 2.0. He’s a lovely lad and quite easy to look after. I feel quite blessed that our two teens aren’t tearaways. Yes, they’ve both got issues around their mental health, but who doesn’t these days? So, yeah, a few days of slightly more Dad work, but that’s not a bad thing in my book!

A slight change

Usually a day out takes a lot of planning and the need to either rush home before the afternoon school run, or get changed elsewhere *and* then rush back. The latter certainly adds to travel time and that eats into your time out.

I felt that an afternoon trip would be cut quite short, so it was a rain check on meeting up with Val, unfortunately 😔 Sadly diaries and time conspired against it! Sorry, missus! 💜

Getting ready

In previous times out, I’d lost time on getting my clothes sorted out. Given the clue is in the title of ‘Lessons Learned’, I planned in advance, putting one outfit on the proverbial hanger, and not experimenting on the day.

If you’re reading this and thinking “just put some jeans on and a nice top, and get out there“, allow me to elucidate 😉

I’m a (recently) 50 year old bloke, who’s balding, with a straight-up-and-down physique. Well, I do have a curve at the rear…. and slightly at the front (tummy), but nothing in the hip department. If there’s a way to redistribute fat into the right lumps and bumps, I’ve not unlocked that secret power. 😁

When I use video calling for work or when I clean my teeth, I often see my mug looking back at me. Slight stubble, dark circles under the eyes, droopy eyelids, retreated hairline, and the rest. I am not feminine in appearance – yes, make your own jokes and ‘get oot o’ my swamp‘ 😁 – so there’s quite a lot of prep work to get ready. Padding, taping, shaving, moisturising, and that’s before any slap goes on. Or, as a good friend said, do wait for the Polyfilla to set. 😁

I guess… when times out are infrequent, there’s a wish to look okay or good enough. To get to okay requires a certain level of effort in Lynn mode. Conversely, in Richard mode it’s a lot easier.

I was frustrated with myself at my getting ready time. Cross that in doing a few chores and not having a shower before taking Child 2.0 to school, I then wasted time that I could’ve had out.

Ho hum.

Still… Perhaps the best I can say is, A) it’s a learning process (still), and B) perhaps like cooking, walking, or a good meal, it’s not about the finish, but the event. Perhaps thinking that despite having done extra things *and* not panicking/rushing and needing things up, it turned out okay

Next time, Lynn….

New items to add to my Lessons Learned:

1. Do chores the day before or after.
2. Shower & shave earlier, so you can get changed as soon as you get home.
3. Put your face on in one room, and don’t move between locations because you picked the room with bad lighting. Oops.
4. Pick shoes as well as the outfit. Try ons cost extra minutes and minutes stack up.

Maybe adding “don’t get the anxiety shakes midway through” might have helped, but then worrying about trying to avoid that often makes it worse. 🙄

Finally! I was ready to go. I looked at the clock and, well, you have to accept and make the best of it. A bit like when I looked in the mirror! 😁

Leicester

I headed down to Leicester as I’d been to Nottingham recently. Sometimes, a trip out isn’t about shopping. It’s about being in the world. I don’t mean about passing or being stealth, nor – conversely – ‘ooo, at me everyone!‘, but being there, being present, just… existing and not shying away from the world.

The rain has started just as I’d set off, so I parked in the main shopping centre. There’s a covered walkway between the car park and the shops. The walls and ceiling are glass, so there’s an eye-catching drift off water down the panels and over the transparent roof. That or maybe I’m more used to walking in woodland 🙂

I had a quick peek in New Look and I was somewhat surprised to find they’d moved the shoe department downstairs and it had shrunk. Is this another sign of the cost of living? I’d seen similar shrinkage in the Nottingham branch too.

The giant mirrors were still in place upstairs, so it seemed rude not to grab a quick photo. Just in case the earlier or later ones turned out poorly. Luckily, this one did and I feel quite chuffed with my look. I best store that in the Happy Memory Bank. ❤️

Outside

Luckily I’d brought along an umbrella and decided to go with a long coat. Brolly up and coat buttoned, I ventured out into the colder weather and the wet to check out The Lanes.

This part of twin l town has less of your typical high street brands – they are in the main centre – and more of the charity shops, independents, and quirky venues. Something I think Nottingham has lost of late.

I had a look in a few retro and vintage shops, but I was more window shopping than anything else. By luck, I happened upon a blazer – in a beautifully, warm red – so I tried that on, and for eight quid, felt it would be rude not too. I smiled looking at the label – Debenhams – a fancy brand for a shop no longer on the high street.

Why a blazer? Well, I’d read that as you reach your 50s, purchasing clothes that help give you the right style and shape after important. Plus, as much as I like the sage long coat, it’s good to mix things up a little.

I headed back to the car at this point, as the time was passing by and I wanted to try to squeeze two errands in.

Change of plan… and outfit

I bought some hippy chic bracelets in the sale last month, and despite being blessed with thin wrists for a fella, two of the three are a little snug.

It’s either a healthy dose of Blue Peter crafts, a hack it mentality, or maybe my Scot’s ancestry, but I do like to fix things. Hence the plan to pop into a hobby shop and pick up a few pieces. Maybe a leather cord (or vegan alternative), some clasps, and extra beads to fill in the widened gaps. There, no mention of them word ‘girth’. Oo-er, missus 😉

Now, it was a choice between the hobby shop (there’s one in Notts) or popping along to the clothing alteration shop not far from home. The catch is, there wasn’t time for both.

As much as I fancied the idea of some home crafts – especially so if making something pretty – I decided I could pick up those bits in Richard mode later in the week.

Going to the alteration shop with a dress I wanted taking up, that really needed to be done in Lynn mode. Given how I was at the time, I opted for this and off I went.

Despite having lived about half a mile from said shop – set in a cute 1930s style precinct circle – I couldn’t find my way and had to result to SatNav. How did I forget the route there?

After parking up, I collected my dress – the jade one with the flowers on it – and headed inside. I was served quickly and nothing was said. I mean you always hope for that, but in this day & age, you can never be completely sure. But, all was fine and the assistant had soon pinned the hem to just in on the knee. For speed and politeness, I stayed in my skinnies. Absolutely not because it would’ve taken me a while to get my heels on or because I was worried about getting poked by a pin or six 😉

Leaving me to put my top back on, I packed my things – used the mirrors just in case – and headed into the shop. I felt a slight zap of cold fear, feeling that I recognised a customer at the till. I pretended to look at the displays with my back to them and let them depart. On listening to their voice, I felt I might have been mistaken, but, perhaps better safe than sorry. If it’s the person I thought it was, I’m sure they’d have been cool about it, but sometimes it’s not about me, but my family.

I paid up, popped my name (not ‘Lynn’) and number on the ticket, and was told it would be about two weeks.

I headed back to the car and set off home.

Closing

Getting back in Lynn mode was a good change. As much as I appreciate the option of changing at the Centre (aka Chams’ HQ), it’s on the other side of Nottingham (that’s 40 minutes travel there plus another 40 back). Plus, there’s the novelty of coming home as you left, fussing the dogs, and getting changed in comfort. If easier to hang things up and put things away too.

So, only a handful of hours of time out, but I felt it was a gift. I don’t really subscribe to the idea of ‘me time’ – mainly as that often falls into the yay or nay binary, and life is more nuanced than that. Instead, I’ll say it felt great to have a break from the routine of work and from Richard mode.

To add to my good luck, I managed to get in touch with Wee Man and invited him over for a takeaway tea. He was glad of the company and we had a lot of laughs as we ate together. This really added to my day.

In other good news, the Ever Lovely Mrs J arrived home earlier on Thursday safe and sound. Plus I had a fab call with Andie and Adam. I find such conversations supportive, renewing, and validating. There’s a lot to be said about having friends who ‘get it’ when it comes to being trans.

L x

PS: Good luck and please stay safe if you’ve involved in Trans Day of Visibility 🏳️‍🌈