years before our child came out
What can one say to a parent who has had their child murdered?
I remember the bleakness of grief my parents experienced following the death of my sister. How they somehow managed to keep going, I do not know…. nor do I wish to ever know.
To those in power, shame on you for the filth that drops from your mouth and the crocodile tears shed in false outrage. Your lies and bile brought us here.
Just, stop. Stop before there’s another, and another, and another…
Look my son in the eye. Hold your gaze and say unflinching, that he’s a risk, when you know he’s more likely to be attacked than be the attacker. Look at him and say equal rights don’t apply here. I dare you.
PinkNews have produced this guide to help those affected by grief and trauma.
If you would like to donate to Brianna’s fund, you may do so here.
To donate to Mermaids UK, you may do so here.
Now, please look after each other 💜
L x
This was never going to be an easy thing to respond to.
You really don’t want to say that there can be anything positive that comes after the senseless and brutal murder of someone’s loved child even if it shows just how out of step the right wing deniers and haters and the gutter press are with the sympathy and mood of the general public. Will that change anything? You can only hope. You notice how silent the deniers and proponents of exclusionary ‘safe spaces’ are currently being on the BBC. (yes, Women’s Hour, I’m looking at you.)
Poet and trans activist Roz Kaveney has posted a series of Brianna poems on FB. Please read them. They are powerful expressions of her grief and anger.
BRIANNA GHEY 5
They want us gone but not to take the blame
For killing or to stand and watch it done.
Prefer it happens elsewhere. They would run
Rather than witness. Will not say her name.
Bloodless they keep their lace white gloves as clean
As first communion. ‘Eliminate’
‘Mandate out of existence’ ‘ trans debate’
They never say precisely what they mean.
And yet it’s this and this a thousand times
In parks in prisons and in hospitals
In homes and on the streets of capitals
And all we have to save us is my rhymes
Your anger and our crowd and all the while
The memory of her gentle wistful smile
*
There are a number of vigils being held all over the country this weekend. If we can’t all attend in person we should all be there with them in spirit.
As for the haters in the press, the Onion has their mark. Someone posted this on FB earlier.
https://www.theonion.com/it-is-journalism-s-sacred-duty-to-endanger-the-lives-of-1850126997
Thank you, Susie. In terms of positive, my parents pushed for the changes to the road system where in incident happened. I think that helped them. You cannot bring your loved one back, but I think our family were united in wanting to help prevent it happening again. Systems must change when they do not work.
The Onion piece: wow, that is utterly savage. What a perfect piece of satire. 💯
I did look to see if there’s any vigils locally, but nothing is coming up. I may ask the group if we might have a five minute silence this Thursday.
Thank you for that post, Lynn. The links are helpful. I found the Pink News one useful for examining my feelings about this, and I hope all the money for Brianna’s fund will give her an amazing sendoff that comforts her family and also sends a message to the rest of the world.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister and about your poor parents’ grief. Many hugs.
I think for many of us, as your tone implies, our emotions range from anguish over the event to anger at the causes. This evil thing has been reported all over the world and the press abroad has focused on the toxic social discourse that’s arisen in Britain since the Brexit vote.
Much love to all my trans friends in Britain.
Sue x
I hadn’t planned to write anything, Sue. The events of the week were such that it all felt rather pointless. Just more shouting into the void and protesting to a group of morally bankrupt chancers, liars, and bigots…. and that’s the good ones 😋 But as bedtime approached, I felt… and still feel an inner swirl of grief and anger. I know that is unhealthy, but feelings are feelings. As you say about the PinkNews article, I’m trying to take on their advice.
I feel so lucky to be part of Chams and have a sense of community here. So, thank you 💜
Sorry to hear of your sister, as you say it’s one of those things you hope you will never experience.
I live in hope that one day there will be enough politicians with trans relatives that will give more than lip service to trans issues. We might be a few generations away from this though.
Managed to get to the vigil at Nottingham last night, was a bigger turnout than had imagined, it was nice to see.
Izzy ❤️
Thank you, Izzy. Where was the vigil, BTW? Not that I could’ve made it due to family commitments. Out with our trans teen: busy living his life and keeping safe, bless him ❤️
I hope you are right about the politics. That as the current batch go, better people – yes, I did say better people – more suited to hold office will rise. We deserve better.
It was by the Brian Clough statue – perhaps not the best location, a park might have been nicer. But still at least it is easy to find.
I’m just back from the Leeds one, also very well attended, some good speakers too.
It’s an iconic place, IMO. That and it’s the junction of King Street and Queen Street, so perhaps quite apt as well 🏳️🌈
I haven’t got anything really to say or add. I wish I could say something like “solidarity” but, instead, I know I have taken the path of least resistance. So, instead, I shall say ‘respect’ for your courage and action.
I was thinking that it feels the other way around. Shades of ‘the grass is greener on the other side”?
What I mean is, you’re out in your home and working life, just getting on and being you.
Conversely, I’m in Richard mode – in appearance and with full white, middle class, male cishet privilege – all of the time except intermittent Thursdays.
Therein lies the guilt through feeling more needs to change and feeling caught in not being able to enact it.
But then, if I look at that with kind eyes (to use a term from Stonewall), better, more out, more vocal, trans folk are trying their hardest.
Perhaps the key here isn’t to look at the bullies, but to the show of support and love at the vigils and on-line.
I put off reading this post until I was ready. I’m still not really ready to be honest, but thank you for writing this, and for the links.
Look after yourself, and those you love, and those who love you.
Sorry to hear that, Pandora 🫂 If you need someone to vent to, you know my address. 💜 Stay safe, Mrs 🦇