Hi,
How are you getting on? Hopefully well or maybe moving in the right direction. Oh, and a note of thanks for those of you who shared their experiences on self care. 💜
Given it was Chams last night, this may well turn into one of those slightly chipper posts that usually follows. Well, more cheerful, rather than branch mulching. 😉 Apologies to any tree surgeons who’ve been lured here by Google Bard 😋
Time
Due to the fall of the holiday year and the good luck to carry over a handful of unused leave days, the Ever Lovely Mrs J and I have had today off. Cue “which was nice.” 😁
It’s also thirty years since we met. I feel funny saying ‘started dating’ given we were married five years after that. Somehow she’s managed to put up with my jokes, extended wardrobe, occasional health issues (anxiety in ’22), bless her. But that’s my negativity talking. Perhaps having a genderfluid partner isn’t for everyone, but people find different things attractive. That and having a hubby who is happy to be involved with the kids, isn’t ‘on the pull’, is okay with the housework, and who’ll listen; so maybe it’s not all bad.
LGBTQ+ History Month
Taking of time, here in the JAUK (that’s the Just About United Kingdom) it’s LGBTQ+ History Month and it’s been really uplifting to see initiatives at work, schools, and employers raise awareness and educate folk on the needs of the community.
While out visiting a nearby university I caught sight of their Pride flag road crossing. Clearly I was taking my life into my own hands, given it could’ve caused a migraine. Yeah, right. 😋 Or as our eldest would say “bruh….” 😁
Sadly there was no warning in the nearby shop about heart palpitations, eye rolling injuries, or blood pressure spikes caused by printed hate, but I guess you can’t have it all 😋
On a personal note, I snuck an article about resources on pronouns at work and received some interesting feedback from a few colleagues which was really heartening.
Again, representation matters and hearing from allies helps too. 🏳️🌈
Purchasing patterns
Due to slight mood issues last week, I succumbed to retail therapy. Although more accurately, it’s probably distraction rather than truly helpful.
Self castigation aside, I think I’m beginning to notice a pattern in my shopping picks. Other than… (deep sigh) searching for things I probably don’t need; I think I’m looking for wish fulfillment. There’s an album on the shelf called The Looks or the Lifestyle (25 Pop Points if you can name the band 🌟) and of late, my purchases have been office smart, coffee morning casual, etc. Decidedly ‘mum on the go’ everyday styles – I mean I am 50 and a parent – but, yeah….
I think what I’m feeling, is – and I don’t like writing this – feeling a little trapped and that my needs aren’t being fully met. The catch is I think I’m doing all I can at the mo, with where I am. Plus, I know things wax and wane, so it may be things are making me lean towards wanting to be out & about more. I’ve not quite got the balance right, so I guess some more thinking on the options may be needed.
Recharging
On Thursday I tried on the new dress I’d bought in the sale. Black with a white flower pattern it looked great in the photo, but not so good on me. Nice material, lovely pattern, but the fit wasn’t quite me; so that’ll need to go back. So too will the low heeled T-bar courts I bought. Okay, but the heel felt like I wasn’t wearing one and the quality of the finish was a little off. That probably explains why they were in the sale. Still, easy enough to send back.
Thinking on the Sue’s advice (“Wear that knockout frock for extra fem positivity!” – last time’s post), I packed two dresses that have helped me feel good (even pretty which is a rare but very welcome feeling). In the end, the rose print dress won out and for a change, I switched to heels rather than my usual Mary Janes.
I took my chances with popping in some memory foam into the toe box, as said heels were a little too large, but now fit just so. Certainly easier to walk in which given tea making and member fee collection at the group, that’s a good thing.
Tania popped in to say hello and it was great to catch up after a big gap. Funny how some folk from Chams’ history have made the effort these past few years.
Much chatter and laughter followed through the evening and it was one of those joyfully busy evenings. Part group discussion and then breaking off into smaller clumps, so folk could catch up with each other.
Photos followed at the end – but of course – and then it was the usual deprincessing back into drab before locking up.
Principle
I’m coining this phrase after Sue’s wise recommendation of wearing a knockout frock to raise my spirits. May I propose the following:
When in doubt, wear something that makes you feel good about yourself.
Richmond-Jones principle
But who is Richmond Jones? 🤔 They sound like a turn of the century gentleperson adventurer. 😉
“Curses! Our evil schemes foiled again by the do-gooder Richmond Jones and their loyal band of wokists! And…. they’ve half inched all the best jewelry and gowns. Cads and bounders!”
L x
Put like that, having a hubby who shows a rather more than passing interest in women’s fashions might seem seem an acceptable trade off for some, especially if they are a confident in themselves that they don’t see this as a challenge or comment on their own femininity or sexuality. From my standpoint, and going by just what I’ve read, I think you may have a near perfect balance (although it may not always seem so in the days when the pink fog descends).
My boss addressed the team as “Guys and girls” yesterday which I suggested should be amended to “guys and/or girls” to reflect our shiny inclusive diverse culture and got a smiley face emoji in response. You remind me, though, that I should pay especial attention to any non-binary pronouns people might choose to add to their email signatures.
Shame about the new dress but I do love that rose print frock. Are the denuded pins still working well for you? How is Mr J taking to that?
Ah, the accursed Pink Fog. Long may the warm rays of self acceptance and gentle breeze of wisdom keep it away!
I remember reading an article about a company who ran a dating service for divorced women, back in the 80s & 90s. They actively marketed husbands who – in today’s language – I’d say were non-binary and/or genderfluid. The divorcees who met and later married them, spoke that their new husband – while unconventional – were gentler, more caring, and leaned towards a feminine outlook. I guess it’s not all bad news.
The pins are helping avoid the anguish of ‘having to be fuzzy’, so that’s good. We’re operating on a Don’t Show policy, which is working for us.
Yay for denuded pins, gentlemen adventurers from the C19th and eye-rolls from certain views of certain people in the House of Lords.
I shall have to steal ‘de-princessing’ as a descriptive term for that action, wish I had thought of it or even just been aware of it earlier, I would definitely have made greater use of it!
On the whole, being able to accept and recognise when needs are not being met is something in itself – it can be far easier, on the surface, to continue on in self-denial and thus end up, long term, in a much worse place. I think the Russian had some words on it in the musical ‘Chess’ – though I realise he was much more jaded and self-absorbed… And that, I feel, is an obscure enough reference to be getting on with.
I had to look your one up, so I shan’t name it here and steal someone more knowledgeable’s thunder!
Yay, yay, and thrice yay perchance! 😁 For having thy pins as the internal (infernal? 😋) gender doth demand; tis most righteous… If not bordering upon the most excellent 😁
Hmm. That started off a bit hey nonny nonny and seems to have ended on Bill & Ted. 😜
The deprincessing term; I think I may have read that back… Oh, good grief, my age!… in the 2000s. Still, if we’re still able to say groovy and/or fab, step on. 😉
On a more serious note, being aware enough to spot a pattern of behaviour, yes, that’s occasionally useful. I say the latter as it can feel “Oh, are we here again…” which can be frustrating. But, maybe bring able to find why I’m there again, that’s more enlightening.
I think the shopping is both distraction and wanting the time/life where the items would be suitable. I think Lauren Laverne said on Late Night Womans’ Hour, that she dreamed of owning some yoga shoes (whatever they are and I may be misremembering). She added that on reflection, what she actually wanted was the time to have ‘just popped back from yoga’, rather than the treadmill of the modern working parent.
First of all, many congratulations on your 30th anniversary. I also tend to date anniversaries from when two people first realise they are into each other, rather than the date on some document from the authorities. Every relationship is different and you two obviously have your own magic that clearly works for you and I have only ever sensed here on your blog just how much you love and appreciate and derive happiness from Mrs Jones, and indeed the Little Joneses. Here’s to another 30 years for you, and more.
Secondly, well, I’m flattered you appreciated my suggestion. That frock is really lovely (and the model ain’t bad either 😉 ). If you were ever to diversify and set up an online boutique for lovely outfits, I’d be one of your top customers. I’ve spent the last ten days in casual holiday clothes but I feel a cute outfit is just the ticket now I’m home (is that a suitably Victorian phrase? – “I say, Lynn, my dear, these frocks are just the ticket .” – “Rather, Susan, old girl, they’re quite simply spiffing!”). Like the shoes, too, and, of course, the smooth legs are absolutely ripping (see what I did there?)
I’m also glad to hear that LGBT history month is producing something positive. A lot of what I hear from the UK these days makes me sick. I’m trying to keep things positive on my blog and here on the continent I do see some progress in improving rights, albeit slow. I am still trying to get to Spain for a fact-finding mission on how life really is for TGirls, whether transitioning or not. Good luck and please try not to despair about the vileness of British transphobia at the moment. I think the public generally have our backs.
Sue x
Thank you, Sue. Yes, family life is very rewarding. It is not without its occasional challenges, but things could be far worse. I think we’ve found a balance that works for us, so that’s something to be grateful for. Another 30 years? Crikey, I’d be 80 then. I might even have retired – assuming the pension age doesn’t keep marching on 😁
Sorry, no plans to open up Not Keeping Up With the Joneses fancy outfit emporium just yet. Maybe a Pinterest board might come close, but that seems beyond reach at the mo.
As to the transphobia in the UK press… As with Section 28 in the 80s, I think we’ll have to weather this particular storm until we get rid of the current lot.
I happened to overhear a person at the park use the phrase “kleptocratic junta”. Not sure who they were referring to. 😋
Hi, I am Violetta , a Part-time-lady from Austria. I just found your blog by chance. Good to have many of us with the same spirit all over the world. Nice dress by the way.
Have a good time and all the best
Violetta
Willkommen, Violetta. 🙂 Welcome to the blog and thanks for the kind words about the dress.
Firstly Lynn congratulations on 30 years of togetherness…… Having a family is a wonderful thing, watching your offspring grow and go out into the world is something special, if a little challenging at times. My two girls have fled the nest, but they do keep coming back!
The press have always used us as a target, sensationalist reporting and biased vies are nothing new, but we will get through it and hopefully things will improve. When I have been out in shops and mainstream restaurants I have never had a problem, often it has been very posative, so there is light at the end of the tunnel………..
Being out and about, most folk seem okay and accepting. Sadly, there’s a small section of society who are quite vocal in their discrimination. Unfortunately, that can embolden others to do stupid, evil acts. Are we back to the 80s levels of ‘bashing’ yet? 😢
On a lighter note, thanks for the kind words about the anniversary. Child One has temporarily left the nest, bless him. I guess we’ll see what happens when his course completes.