Buckets

Hi,

While out on a long walk with the hounds and the Ever Lovely Mrs J, the topic of bucket lists came up. Not so much a checklist of things before you go, but more those of wish and whimsy. Things you could actually do, rather than, say, visit the moon. Oddly, and given my enjoyment of What If? around the future and science fiction, that may well be something our children might do. But let’s move on….

My day to day ideas are travel – comfort, scenery, and temperate, please – and possibly a further tattoo. I think I recall advice around it’s better to try and collect experiences and memories, than things. I’m not quite sure were the luxury of having both my ears pierced fits 🙂 I wouldn’t say the process was enjoyable, but the end result certainly is. 😁

A gift in many ways

With that in mind, there is, of course, a second list that I struggle to share with my dear partner: T stuff, of course. Partially embarrassment because they feel very me me me, rather than shared. But perhaps mainly, because I don’t want to upset my lovely wife. Such is the balancing act on being occasionally fabulous and also somewhere in the middle gender wise. It’s not to say that where I am is less than great, it’s quite the opposite: if I think back to life as a young singleton and my worry on needing to hide who – or more accurately, what – I am, I’m in a really good place. Perhaps, even, better than I thought possible. Trans friends at the group, not having to hide who I am with my partner, occasional times out, and giving back via outreach & supporting people. Amazing stuff, really.

Back to the point in hand. 🙂 On that list is having my legs waxed, trying a subtle fake tan, and maybe having my nails done. When I write them out cold, they feel quite, well, mundane and if I was to be cruel, perhaps a little shallow. However, that critique is aimed fairly at myself, as if a friend had said they were looking forward to having a beauty treatment, I’d be happy for them.

Self criticism aside – hashtag be kind to yourself 🙂 – it’s more than appearance. It’s partially the experience of the above and curiosity about how the process would feel. But there’s also the longevity and – for want of a better word – rightness of it. I’ve written before in that when my legs are in Wookie format, they don’t feel proper. It’s not a sexy thing, but a question of being right in ones own skin. Mind you, if the baldness on my pins spreads – and this was way before any intervention – the point may be a little moot. Maybe there’s an element of assurance in there too: the vendor, my dear wife, and also of myself. Oddly, all of the above treatments are just for me. They’re not for show, which feels a little ironic given they’re cosmetic.

Meanwhile, at the salon

While I’d not class the following as bucket list items, having my ears pierced and occasionally getting out as me are both wonderful things. You might throw into that blessed memory bucket occasionally smooth pins, painted toes, and deep/accepting conversations with the Ever Lovely Mrs J. I think there’s more happy memories and great experiences, than things missed. Still, I think it’s part of the human condition to strive for other things.

Maybe we’re back to last week’s post about the lifestyle: wanting something because it fits with an ideal you have around your life only with extras.

Whatever it is, such thoughts remain just wish. I do not fret or worry that they won’t happen. In many ways, I’m quite laid back about such bucket list options, be they travel, experiences, or trans related.

L x

2 Comments

  1. Ear piercing happens to be on my current to do list for the next 12 months. Funny just how big a difference a little thing can make. I think a realistic bucket list is a great idea. 🙂

    1. Having my ears pierced – even if it was one at a time over a few months – made such a difference to me.

      It’s not that clip on earrings are awful, it’s more that there’s a bigger range for pierced ears. It’s the range of styles and how I can wear them – in Lynn mode – that helped me feel okay about who I am.

      Good luck to you when you have yours done ♥️

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