To be okay


With the change of the calendar it’s now LGBTQ+ History Month. I’m seeing emails and a few folk with workplace backdrops advertising their support around LGBTQ+ colleagues. IMO, this is a good thing.

I am… slightly torn on writing this post. I should say that this is absolutely not to knock the hard work anyone puts in to help raise awareness and foster a more inclusive community. Given the year just gone and some of the vocal minorities who want to push trans folk…. well, out of sight frankly, I think the help is very much needed.

What I wanted to say is that looking back at history can be hard. My formative years were the 80s and last week I wrote about how that decade was not a great time to be different. I can’t imagine what the 70s or earlier was like. Thankfully, through the work of activists and indeed the general public changing their minds, the world is a better place. Yes, we’ve a long way to go, but it’s not as bad as it was.

Are you sensing the arrival of a ‘however’? 😉

However, it can be hard to look back at those times. To be reminded of bigotry that we’ve on and the emotional burden those people had to get through, so part timers like myself, can be occasionally out and okay, it’s tricky. Perhaps a more forgiving way to look at that is to ask why am I not out? Perhaps my internalised transphobia and the levels within my immediate social world are that I don’t feel I can be out. Catch 22: I can’t come out until it’s safe and by not being out, I’m not helping making it safer. Cue that feeling of not quite doing enough…. But, am I being fair on myself when I readily say to others that they’re doing their best with where they are now? You could argue that being a part timer – or if I was down with the kidz, yo 😉: genderfluid – is a valid identity and maybe persistent, steady change and support are what helps.

So, yeah, like I say, it’s not always easy to look back. I think that’s part of the reason why I write this blog and keep a Gratitude Diary. It’s because bad things generally have a strong emotional resonance, and as such, they come to fore a little too easily. To that end, the Looking Back posts are glimpses into the good times of when things are okay.

For me, there’s a lot to be said about being okay. It’s not about underachieving or settling, but if you can reach okay, it’s an easier step to good, IMO.

Fingers crossed that people see and hear the history of LGBTQ+ folk and they become more accepting. That and people in the minority community feel a bit better about themselves too.

I think we could all do with a little more of the latter these days 👍

L x


  1. Thanks for the reminder of the gratitude diary! I’ve just realised I have my first entry for my 2021 Happy Memory Jar 😀

    1. Huzzah for happy memory jars 😉

      So a note of thanks to you Pandora for sharing the idea all those years ago. I don’t think I’d have started the gratitude diary without having started with the jar first ❤️

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