Converse

Hi,

So, no midweek post on Wednesday. In truth, I forgot what day it was and I think sometimes it’s good to take a break from the routine now and then. Oh, and a note of thanks to those of you who commented or emailed in. That was kind of you, so thanks ♥️

Over lockdown I’ve tried to set up virtual meetings for Chams folk and it’s generally a dedicated few who log in. It’s not been on for the last fortnight due to holidays and whatnot. Thursday night was the first time in a while to get together. Well, virtually speaking.

I was surprised how just listening and talking with other T folk – Midnight plus a special guest – made my evening. Indeed, Midnight herself commented on the simple enjoyment of a conversation. Perhaps last week’s wobble was, in part, down to a lack of connection?

Our extra visitor was a lady far away, but possibly moving closer. A and I had had a few chats over Reddit, but not a proper talk as last night.

During our collective chat I was reminded of some old research, in which the specialist suggested – and I’ll paraphrase – that the real rub isn’t being trans, it’s not being able to express that.

Perhaps the simple act of conversation helps connect us some level? We’re social creatures at heart. Even occasionally grumpy ones like your truly 🙂

So an hour or so to chat about various stuff has helped recharge the old battery. Plus, one of the great things about a task with friends at Chams is that you don’t have to veto your conversation. Sure, there’s still good manners, but what I mean is you can just as easily move from films to the news, to family life, to gender stuff, to hobbies, or why you’re still not getting eyeliner quite right.

That openness of conversation is, I think, what I’ve missed the most in being away from the group. Still, with each week that passes, I am hopeful we move closer to it being okay to open.

L x

8 Comments

  1. I am pleased that you are in a happier frame of mind Lynn. It is surprising just how being able to chat with like minded people, irrespective of what you actually talk about, is so comforting. We are social creatures, even ‘grumpy’ people (!!) but it does make a difference, a huge difference……….

    Hopefully you will be able to get Chams up and running in some format soon………

    1. Yes, last week was not very nice at all and I’m glad to see the back of those feelings.

      As much as my family are ace and I’ve got some good workmates, the conversations are not the same as we have on Thursdays.

      It’s not all gender stuff. It’s just, well frankly, a lot of nonsense and joking, bit there’s no pretence. We were laughing about camping trips at the start, then problems with bats or mice if they get in the loft, and then we spoke about a few trans things before the conversation moved on.

      Perhaps it’s the ability to be fully open and that really helps. There’s no need to be wary of giving yourself away: everyone already knows.

  2. I do hope Chams can reopen properly. I can see that you’ve missed it. Chatting by Zoom or other means has been a lifeline this year to so many of us, but it’s not the same as being together physically and appreciate all the non-verbal messages that get lost in online chat. Have a nice weekend and here’s to normality soon. Sue x

    1. I hope Chams is open again soon, although with all the lockdowns in Leicester, Manchester, the U turns on beauty salons, and the Great British Public cheek by jowl at the seaside, I think we may be virtual for some time yet.

      1. I’m sorry to hear that, Lynn. I keep trying to gauge the situation in the UK as I want to visit soon for both admin and social reasons but it’s impossibe to know just what the government and public are up to.

        As it’s summer, is there any prospect of holding an outdoor Chams meeting with suitable 2m distancing – I appreciate that those who need a space to dress may find it harder but maybe the socialising and support are worth more than frocking up at present? I didn’t quite get your previous post that was rather cryptic and didn’t comment, but we all desperately need human contact somehow. Zoom doesn’t really count!

        Hoping that things will work out for you and your family and friends. What a mess!

        Sue x

        1. The advice from the UK Government seems to lean towards getting people back to work and shopping. However, advice – and more evidence based – from health professionals and scientists strongly suggests it’s too early. The recent outbreaks in Leicester, Manchester, and some Yorkshire communities means local lockdowns are now a thing.

          Two of the government’s front line – M. Gove and D. Cummings (unelected official) – have flaunted their own rules. While many of the UK population keep to distancing, it only takes a long weekend or a hot spell for everyone to play sardines.

          Whatever the root cause of last week’s distress or upset, I’m not 100% sure and it may be that even if I did know, that wouldn’t help 😉 I’m just glad the storm has passed.

          As to Chams, we’re a bit stuck and while outside is an option for some of us, I think we’re on the playing it safe track at the mo.

  3. I think you’re spot on in saying the issue isn’t particularly with being trans (although mileage may still vary with some who are still not comfortable with recognising or admitting that part of themselves) but with not being able to talk about it with others. Or not being able to talk freely with people where you don’t need to watch what you say half the time. The discussions may not necessarily be about trans stuff at all, or only touch on it in passing (it’s part of us, but not all we are) but there’s a huge relief in being able to disengage that constant internal censor that some of us maintain around friends, family and workmates.

    I have still to make one of the TransOxford online meetings – the timings so far have been inconvenient – but I’m hoping that may change later this month.

    1. Fingers crossed the stars are right – not to get too Lovecraftian 🐙 – and you’re able to make a meeting. There’s always the Chams’ones, even if we’re not really your area.

      Yes, the frequent self censoring is very wearing. Taking peoples’ names, remembering to not talk about the group, blogs, etc. So, yes, good to have the unfiltered outlet with friends.

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