Fighting the Good Fight

Hi,

There’s a phrase to stir the imagination: fighting the good fight. Can a fight ever be good? Well, I suppose protecting someone perhaps. Maybe also a gang of mink escaping to give their captor a brief nip, or a lady of advancing years firmly and proudly belting a young mugger firmly in the happy sacks. Perhaps they could fall into said category.

Of late I’ve been having some issues in the nose/lung department. Nothing serious, just a case of the miles on the clock adding up, and my snoring – yes, how delicate and oh-so-femme (warning: that was meant ironically 🙂 ), is not great. To allow the Ever Lovely Mrs J to get a good night’s kip, I am often in the spare room. I don’t really like this because I get lonely when we’re apart. While I tell myself we would only be asleep so what does it matter, a little part of me feels, well, the distance and much as this temporary arrangement is working for us, it stings a little.

Which fight am I fighting then? Never let it be said I don’t go around the houses a few times before getting to the point. 🙂 In separate rooms comes more privacy, and with more privacy comes the opportunity for deception. Yes, I did say that word, and no, I’m not proud of it.

As I started to drift off the other night, my mind settled, and on the cusp of sleep, the thought arrived: if you’re apart, you could shave your legs.

My eyes were already shut, and I felt myself sigh. Yes, I thought, I could, but this is part of The Agreement, and much as I’m not a fan of Wookie pins, I am conscious that the Ever Lovely Mrs J also married a guy, not someone in-between. These are my words, by the way, not hers.

The thought has swung in and out like a comet on a wide orbit. Occasionally skimming by and leaving a trail of ideas, cover-ups, dodges, wishes, and dreams. However, I know that from when I did my arms – a few years back – I am somehow ‘on guard’ trying to ensure I don’t get caught out. Okay, so benefits would be legs that feel more like they should, with the massive downsides of upsetting my wife, possibly freaking the kids out (should they see), and, of course, the necessary watchful vigil to ensure secrecy. That seems very far from ideal and just not worth the price.

So, I continue to push the idea away regardless of what subterfuge my subconscious brings to the fore. Not so much anything for a quiet life, but me trying to respect the boundaries we’ve agreed. It ain’t always easy being part-time. The juggle between keeping what’s inside from changing the outside.

Maybe I just need a holiday 😉

Take care,
Lynn

8 Comments

  1. .. and even wear a nightie. Hugely tempting, I'll admit, but probably not worth the risk, especially if you have to get up in the middle of the night for a pee and unexpectedly find someone else has had the same urge.
    I've had similar thoughts when I've been evicted to the couch for snoring.
    Similarly, because I am up and out of the house while L is still snugly abed on workdays, I had a strong urge, after the first fall of snow overnight yesterday, to get up a bit earlier than usual and go for a quick five minute walk as Susie. I even had an outfit planned and ready. Grey tights, ankle boots, thick fluffy roll-neck sweater, coat and hat. I liked the idea that the first marks in the fresh snow would be from Susie's boots. But against that was the off chance that L might wake and wonder why the house was empty much earlier than usual and come down just as I let myself back in.
    In the end, caution (and the lure of a warm duvet) prevailed and the idea remained no more than a nice fantasy.

    1. Ah yes, the getting up on the night malarkey. 🙂

      Body: Hey, I know you've just been, bit as you're all relaxed now, could we go again? 🙂

      As to your early morning trip out, that sounds both fun and risky. Not just the being spotted, but the issue of slipping in the show.

      As you say, perhaps best left in the imagination.

  2. I have been out for early morning walks a few times if L leaves the house early for a day out and it's still dark enough for few people to be up and about. Usually just for 10-15 minutes in the gap before it starts to get light and the lights start to go on in the neighbour's houses. Last time I pushed it a bit and walked to the high street before anyone was about apart from a few market traders setting up their stalls.
    I can also vouch for how vulnerable some women must feel when walking on their own when I felt I was being followed on one of those walks and was relieved to cross back onto the brightly lit main road.

    1. I'm with you on the feelings around safety. Being a minority, I think that's changed my behaviour. I give people on their own more space, I will cross over the road sometimes, and other little things.

      Sounds like your trips out are increasing along with your courage. Do you think you'll stay out longer, maybe until lunch? Ironically, I think there's more safety in a crowd, as we are lost in the sea of people.

  3. I'd like to, and it's a plan that's been brewing in my head for some time.
    Usually if I have a free day like this, I need to change back into bloke mode to do the shopping early and then I can spend the rest of the day as Susie until L returns in the evening.

    One plan is to go for a longer daytime walk across the fields and local footpaths or one of the local parks, but I'd need to find a safe and convenient place to change so I won't be clocked leaving or coming back to the house as Susie.

  4. Good post Lynn. Even with an agreement in place, sometimes we can push the boundaries. I decided not long after coming out to my Wife that I was going to shave my legs and body hair. Whilst the Wife wasn't best pleased, she understood that it took me to a happy place and therefore accepted it. My kids noticed but weren't bothered and I've even been able to walk around the house with nail polish on my toes too.

    Interesting what you say about being conscious that your Wife married a guy, I feel the same way myself. Sometimes I feel really bad for being the way I am as I think most women want a real man to cuddle into every night.

    I mentioned my feelings to my Wife too and she was quick to point out my good qualities and told me that as long as I didn't push the boundaries too much she was happy to tolerate some things.

    Whilst my Wife doesn't want to see me dressed, she has allowed me to have my ears pierced, shave my body hair and paint my toenails.

    At the minute I'm growing my hair long and she's already asked me a couple of times how long I intend to grow it.

    With regards to shaving legs, shaving them is the easy bit, it's the explaining to work colleagues and friends why you've got ultra smooth legs that's the hardest. Turning up to cross country races and being the odd one out amongst hundreds of hairy blokes requires a certain degree of self confidence but I survived lol.

    Take care

    Lotte x

    1. Thanks Lotte. I'm still not going there for all the reasons I've blogged about. That's not to say that others should not and if it's working for you and yours, go for it.

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