Found my smile


Last night’s visit to Chams was just what I needed. Funny isn’t it, how just a few hours as you (or more accurately, all of you) makes so much difference.

Firstly, a note of thanks to those of you who asked after me. Either via PM, email, this ol’ blog, or face to face. Secondly, an apology from me over the somewhat darker tone of late.

How can I put this? I had the most excellent holiday with my family. Some travel, a variety of hotels, great food, beautiful scenery, and many days together, rather than at the colouring in department. What’s not to like? 🙂


I can’t put my finger on things exactly, but my guess would be the lack of retreat and being Dad 24/7 had quite an effect on me. I suppose the ability to go away and/or a mental space where I could express all of me – there’s that phrase again – was something that a) I’d not considered before, and b) couldn’t really do while we were away. Ho hum.

So yeah, things got a bit heavy for a while….. But, that’s what happens I guess, and you have to pull the Stiff Upper Lip routine until you can come home and let it go.

But, on to brighter news!

Found my smile

I got to Chams early and despite my inability to tie my own corset, was ready pretty quickly. Well, for me 🙂 I had, somewhat naughtily, been a little more daring in shaving. I get by, by not clearing my legs, just ankles. This lets me wear leggings, footless tights, or skinny jeans.

Perhaps as a push against those feelings from earlier in the month, I’d gone further. Hence, a slightly more 50s jeans rolled up look which I really liked. Plus, teamed with my new ballet pumps. Yeah, after pretty much stopping looking, I found some in my size and the material I wanted in a local supermarket. Result!

The night itself was busy, with a full contingent of our trans guys. Often it’s one chap mucking in with the rest of us, but what felt like the first time, everyone was in. Great to see our community moving forward.

Oh, taking of that, while at the Doctor’s earlier in the week, I spotted the Nottingham Self Help guide. Ah, I felt a flutter of pride when I spotted Chameleons in there!

Andrea ran another of her structured talks in the second room, and I hung back to let others attend. Plus, I wanted to catch up with the unusual suspects 🙂

Come the end of the night, it was time to remind people of our Start Up event at the next meeting. A sort of bring and buy + advice session. I’m hoping people bring what they can and that they get something out of it. I know I’ve got two boxes of 14/16 clothes, some wigs, and shoes that’ll be up for grabs. I’m seeing if I’ve anything from my bloke wardrobe to help our trans guys out.

Val was kind enough to be on camera duty, although I broke one of the Ever Lovely Mrs J’s fab purple heels. They’re now on the side waiting for me to get the sewing kit to them. Luckily, I think it’s just a popped stitch on the fake button, but without that, the strap comes off. Not exactly the easiest way to walk in heels 😀

I had a chat with two good people about their fundraising efforts for the group. It’s great that folk make this extra effort and want to keep things going. It was really touching and when I drove home later in drab, I thought how lucky I was to have a great group and supportive friends.

Good times.


  1. Apart from the fact that this is a very awesome blog to read. Props for the film reference which completely made my day! You are a very beautiful (and slim) lady who is wise and so encouraging to others on their journey — you deserve to get the same treatment! xx

    1. Hi. Good to see you the other night, you've really changed – but only in good ways! 🙂

      After all the last negative posts, it felt good to have something positive to write about. Not in a Pollyanna kinda way, but a genuine reflection of good times.

      Thanks for the kind words, BTW. I try to encourage others at Chams, and in life in general. If it's important to you, don't sit back and let it go by. As the Bestie Boys once said, You Gotta Fight 🙂

      BTW, film reference? I'm afraid you've lost me on that one! All I can think of is City Slickers.

  2. Chams sounds like a wonderful oasis. You always seem refreshed there, almost as though you had trudged across the desert beforehand. Everyone has a place or state of being that revives them, and chams so obviously represents yours. Sue x

  3. Great to see you back, and really pleased that Chams was antidote needed to help get your mojo back!

    One of these years I really must try to organise a trip to the midlands to coincide and drop in!


    1. Thanks Stace. It's good to feel good again 🙂 Mojo well a truly recharged.

      If you do plan a trip while in the area, please do let me know. I'd hate to miss you.

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