Time: it makes fools of us all.


As I write this, it’s the wee hours, although the schedule option will pop it back to Friday night. I wasn’t home late from Chams, although the Ever Lovely Mrs J, who was up reading, wanted to be fast asleep before I turned in.

I could have given the time, rather than ‘the wee hours’, but there’s those odd English phrases. The small hours, still of the night, witching hour, etc. All very colourful and, like much about being British, suitably vague and nonspecific! 🙂

So, not late back and not early there either. Hmm….. As I got changed back into my bloke clothes back at Chams, I thought back to the night that had been. Much laughter, stories shared, chocolates snaffled, new people greeted and personal journeys shared.

Cheer up, you old mare

Yet, as I stood half dressed, in full makeup and sans wig, I couldn’t help feel a sense of loss. Not sadness, as that’s too strong a word, and not quite regret. After all, the night had been a good, if quiet one, numbers wise. Tania popped in too, and despite Facebook exchanges, we’d not spoken in a while. Val was kind enough to take my photo (see right) and later, Nicole did a group shot. I won’t be sharing that, as not everyone wants their face on-line.

So why the sense of loss? Honestly, I don’t know. I have a long weekend to look forward to and I felt fine as I got ready. Despite much fine food on the recent Jones Family holiday, I’ve gained 5lbs but lost two of those this week. This meant I could still get into an old red skirt and my pink top was the right side of fitted. All of which is a step in the right direction and again, reasons to be cheerful.

Perhaps there’s a feeling that it was all too brief? Piling on the slap and tightening the corsetry around 8ish, and ‘turning back’ around 11.15.

Yeah, it’s weird being trans. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s all fine…. except when it isn’t. 🙂

Maybe Val was on the money with her comment about for me, it’s a short span of time when I’m in Lynn attire. Thinking on that, 8 to 11ish, that’s what? Three hours? I’m not always ready by 8 either, due to traffic and leaving home. Still, better than snatching an hour every other month, like I did back in the 2000s.

Still. Chin up. Face the sun and enjoy the fresh air of springtime in the woods. Onwards…. Oh, happy Easter BTW.

Take care,


  1. Definitely identify with the sense of loss. I'm Rhiannon in the office most of the time, but before leaving time, there is always (for now) the switch back time so that I can go home. The palpable sense of sadness at going back into hiding can be debilitating. One day, hopefully, it won't matter and people will be able to present as they want when they want. Actually scrub that, we already can, we choose not to, but I guess living with the fall out of doing exactly what we want is sometimes even harder…

    1. Yes, choosing not to. There's a choice and I've picked mine too. That didn't mean that sometimes, you wish for a little more 🙂

      I hope things are going okay for you, BTW

  2. Hi.
    Know that lost feeling, it's funny I've just put down a similar text for my new post describing the end of an Abi session with my Prom dress. Yes it's sad to have to change back, but it nice while it lasts however short doesn't it girls! We will continually push the barriers it's what we need to do and it's a time when we in general can.
    Abi xx

    1. Perhaps the regret, if that's the right word, is something that's more common to many of us, than I'd first thought.

      I've witnessed it at Chams here and there, but not so much personally. Ah well, to the next time 🙂

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