All Jack and no Jill


It’s another long weekend and that’s put an extra spring in my step. A very welcome addition to the happiness after last night’s visit to Chameleons. It had been a little too long. I had felt that all too familiar ‘drop’ – more on that later, and unreasonable bouts of occasional snappiness. The latter isn’t acceptable and I felt bad afterwards. All Jack and no Jill, does not a happy camper make.

No, ‘The Drop’ as I’ve started to call it, starts with the ticking of the proverbial clock. The realisation that it’s been too long, since you got to express all of you.

There is, the feeling of a pull, or a catch. Like a string or thread, picked at, in an old carpet, or a jumper. Things unravel, if you’re not careful and you can find yourself filling the void with much Internet based window shopping, or an occasional and then more regular retail therapy. Alternatively, and if you have the energy, they can be kept at bay with distractions: TV, books, writing, exercise…. but the clock doesn’t stop.

Tick tock…. Tick tock…

What is harder to displace, is the feeling of… well, loss. A woman walks by and a little part of you, regrets. That’s The Drop. Regret that you are as you are currently. To be only one form, when every now and again, there’s a need to be the other side of the coin. Again, to not be just one half of yourself, but having the freedom to express.

It is not easy, but you don’t react. You breath. You move on. Time will pass and time will be yours once again.


50s fancy

But, moving on to happier news, a night out with the girls, was just what I needed. Plus, the Ever Lovely Mrs J was kind enough to let me borrow one of her very fancy new frocks. Given such glamour, I decided to go for it, in terms of false lashes and a dab of posh lippy. All in, I felt rather special. To top that off, Val provided me with a name badge, which was kind. I think these started off as a tongue-in-cheek joke, because a) some of struggle with names [waves hand] and b) new folk do need to find a greeter, and we’ve a few regulars who help out doing that.

Talking of new folk, I had a good long chat with a new lady, and her partner, plus Nicole, around the perils of self tan. Clearly, I got off lightly back when I could be bothered 🙂 Instead, I’ll stick to being pale and mildly interesting.

The old forum has truly given up the ghost and I’ve got a temporary one sorted out. It’s fancier than the last one and I’m beginning to wonder, that once we get the group’s funds fully sorted, if now is the time to think about a hosted solution. That way, we’d have a web site, domain name and forum all of our own. That, and backups, which, as any IT wiz will tell you, are only important, if your data is. 🙂

Next time, TrendCo, our local friendly wig vendor, are visiting with some new syrups and, because they’re nice to us, we get a reduction. The time after that, M & Co, are visiting, thanks to Pat sorting the booking out, so May could be a little expensive, if I’m not careful. Now, who said, I can resist anything except temptation? 😉

In other news, there’s been a few emails from students wanting to talk to us, around ‘what it is to be trans’ and that type of thing. Sue’s post is well worth a read and echoes some of my sentiments. On a related note, a professional care service and a company have been in touch, asking for Q&A chats about how to support trans employees. Perhaps, things are looking up, regardless of the idiocy around bathroom use across the pond. 😛

Take care and, if you’re in the UK, I hope have a lovely long weekend,


  1. Lynn, *puts on broken record voice* again, such a fantastic blog and I completely connect with 'the drop' – really god way of putting it. But OMG that dress is just so cute, you look absolutely lovely!

    That bathroom thing just has me agog. Its just absolute craziness. At the moment, people are able to make the case that no trans person (or cis person pretending) has ever has caused a problem in a female bathroom. Apart from one spurious case in California. My big fear for the situation is that one trans (or cis pretending) person does something stupid and that's all it take as an excuse for them to enact laws everywhere. It is just so heartbreaking that we are being treated like this when, I don't know about anyone else, but I do either hold it in, find a unisex disabled loo or at last resort worry all night and eventually go to the ladies. Its in and out asap – just in case – and it really shouldn't need to feel like that.

    1. Can one be a divine unbeliever? 😉 Thanks for the kind words again. I just try to write what works for me. Sometimes, as with you and Jules, connect. Perhaps I'm hitting a common experience, just writing it differently. I would often say Pink Fog, but The Drop is much more specific and physical.

      Really loved the dress, as it's not something I would buy. I mean, sure Chams has parties and special events, but I try to watch the pennies… even when 'against the T clock'. 🙂

      I feel I need to work on my body language, as I – and please don't refute 🙂 – can see 'him' a little too much. I guess some more reading and practice is required.

      As to loos, I was surprised we, Brits, don't have ruling on them. At least, so I've read. Perhaps culturally we do the right thing (social taboo?) and other laws deal with dodgy folk. There are probably some bigots / misguided folk out in the UK, who may think it's a good idea, but hopefully popular opinion will push back against it.

    2. I suspect that there is very little that you can't do if you tried, but I have met a few divine unbelievers, so I suspect so!! :o)

      Refuting would be very unBritish anyway! And I get your point completely. Kind people often praise my photos and inwardly I'm thinking, thank you, but… did you realise it was the best of 200 and the one in which I felt I look most feminine where 'he' was less visible. Also, other people take our look on face value and (to quote Catchphrase), say what they see. We are looking at every flaw and we know what is underneath and feel like a fraud sometimes.

      I really do hope that it never comes to that here and that the great British (in the main) tolerance prevails. We really are no danger to women, it is the last thing we'd think of doing. Its like when you encounter a spider – we are much more scared than they are… xxx

  2. That's a very lovely and very true post, Lynn. Not heard in called The Drop before but I think we can all relate to that feeling. So glad Chams is such a thriving and positive place for you and other girls. You look super fabulous as ever. Sue x

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