I don’t know how many posts it is now, nor the years that have ticked by, but making the first mark on the page – so to speak – doesn’t get any easier. Lots of ideas and suggestions pop into my muddled brain, but it’s only when I take a deep breath, dive in and prattle away madly, like now, that I seem to be able to get going.
Today I saw a poster about elderly LGBT people and their care needs. The poster had a snappy title about not wanting to go back in the closet. Getting old isn’t something I really think about, although, with luck, it will arrive very slowly and there’ll be a long, slow tail to my time on this rock. In many ways, I don’t want to think about it. Not so much the worry about getting older and being less capable, but more that there may be people who I love, who are no longer here.
To a small extend, I was a little worried about a (trans) friend, as I’d not seen her for a number of weeks. I emailed, sent a text and the text came back as number not recognised. Said friend isn’t on social media – yes, apparently some people are quite happy without Mr Zuckerberg’s Advert Army not knowing about them. 🙂 – so I was at a loss as to how to get in touch. Anyhoo, Alison turned up and all was well. Just a combination of Real Life, work issues and whatnot getting in the way, not that it didn’t stop me worrying something might have happened.
Talking of which, I had a lovely long chat with a new visitor at Chameleons. N. said she was very nervous about coming along, and, well, you do your bit to try and build a person’s confidence. The chat was….. I think touching would be the best word. Somber, seems too harsh and wouldn’t be accurate…. The conversation was about N’s life so far and the sad loss of her wife just a few months ago. I simply listened, nodded and took an active interest in what N had to say, and how her life has played out in these last few months.
For someone who has been what she’s been through, I think it showed remarkable courage of her to visit. I think that for those of us who’ve been active in the trans community, are sometimes, and I know I’m guilty of this, we find going out is second nature. I might be able to remember the first visit, but I can’t remember my emotions (partly why I blog, I suppose). When I got home and before the Ever Lovely Mrs J and I nodded off, we had a little chat – pillow talk? – and she asked if this had made me sad. The answer, as I often say, is yes and no. I felt sad for N, but happy that – touch wood – I still have my family.
So, to go back to an earlier paragraph about elderly LGBT people; I wonder how our trans community will find retirement and possibly going into care. The trans spectrum is pretty wide and for a part timer like me, I know I wouldn’t fancy a life ‘back in the closet‘ should I go into a home. Well, perhaps I should say fully back in the closet, because I’m not all the way out, so to speak. I wonder if society will be ready for people who’ve had to – if you pardon the phrase – Walk the Line to get their much deserved respect and freedom to be who they are.
In minor news, I had a bit of a fashion fail on Thursday. To start with, I’d misplaced my boob tape… or fab plasters, if you prefer 😉 That didn’t help. Then…. I’d borrowed a skirt from the Ever Lovely Mrs J which she rocks. But on me? I just looked washed out. Luckily, I had packed a spare (always be prepared), which was an old wrap dress. After all the thought about what to wear and the fact that my boobs (figuratively speaking) weren’t quite right, I had one of those moments where you look in the mirror and what you’d hoped to achieve, is far from what looks back at you. I wonder, are we our own worst critics? Perhaps. When in doubt, reapply lippy, smile and make the best of it.
Oh, that reminds me. I’ve moved Our Different Journey to a new location. I should also say a quick thanks to Jonathan for the HTML assistance (thanks, chuck!). A few months ago, I noticed someone was re-posting one or two of the articles and that’s not what the site was for. It was a record, a snapshot if you like, of trans people. It wasn’t to be traded, or commented on, just there for reference. Partly because some people are in there who I no longer see, and partly because when I first started out, reading how others coped, helped me too. With a little luck, maybe the journeys will help someone else and with a little more, some new journeys will come in time.