“Okay, let’s get down to it boppers.”

Hi folks,

Another week, another post….. but a different week to the usual.

“Laugh it up, fuzz ball.”

Hmmm. It’s seems we are caught in the midst of a film quote-a-thon and for that, I can only apologise. Glib comments aside, this Monday saw me take the stage and perform stand-up for the first time. Well, I say first time, I’ve been laughed at in public before, but that’s just part of growing up trans, right? ๐Ÿ™‚ This time, it was with rather than at, which made a nice change.

Was it scary?

Hell yeah.

Was it fun?

Hell yeah!

The event itself was down in Leicester and that added a slight strange turn to events, as most of my visits to Leicester are in Lynn mode. This time the nerves were really kicking off. It’s a good job I’m not fresh off the happy tablets eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰ (Psst: all seems to be going well in not going postal or buying razor blades. Yay! So nice to be able to mock one’s own conditions eh? ๐Ÿ˜€ )

So, parked up and after a brisk walk through the cold spring air to the venue, it was time to say hello to my fellow stand-ups. It was great to see a few familiar faces and we chatted as the venue was readied. It was an early door for us, so we could go through the running order and practice. There were a few folk from the other training events and hearing their acts for the first time was great. Some were very professional. I hope they keep going as they’ve got talent.

That handful of hours went quickly and I was glad of the practice I’d been putting in while driving around for work. If you saw a tubby, bald bloke appearing to talk to himself while waiting at the lights, feel free to wave next time ๐Ÿ˜‰ My memory isn’t great, so trying to get a routine lodged in my head was a bit tricky. A friend who does stand-up professionally, she recommended getting a few laughs in quick – to break the ice, I guess – and to think of an image to help you remember the gags.

Not this size…. but that’s how it felt! ๐Ÿ™‚

Practice out of the way, the gig was upon us and the place began to fill up. A good time was had with plenty of laughs and it was all very good natured. The compere did a great job of getting the crowd revved up and in all honesty, the nerves started to go as I started to enjoy myself. It was only when he yelled my name, that I realised I wasn’t part of the crowd. Whoops! ๐Ÿ™‚

The applause died down, the lights hit my eyes. I took the mic into my hand……

< insert dramatic bullet-time whump whump whump of a heartbeat here >

Kirk: Engineering, set exhaust port to maximum closure and disengage the adrenaline!

Scotty: Aye, sir! Shields are up, but we cannae stop the nerves, cap’tin. We’re running on full improv!!

….. and my carefully crafted plans started to drift away with each hammered heartbeat. Well, what’s a wise-arse to do? Ahh, fall back of showing off and making it up as we go of course! ๐Ÿ˜€

A few quick one liners out of the way and I was beginning to think I might actually be able to do this. I was – dare I say it – starting to enjoy myself. The routine was coming back to me in brief hashtags (yes, I am a nerd remember) and with a few key memories in place, I ran through the jokes. People laughed in the right places and I’d like to think I didn’t make a complete fool of myself.

One particular gag went down rather well and got a very good reaction – which a) I’m very pleased about and b) that’s not bad considering I chucked it in on the way there and c) the compere picked up on it. I did miss a few items out, but the audience weren’t to know and I ran to time too. Maybe I can save those for another time? Hmm….

All in all, it was a top night out and my fellow conspirators did an excellent job. Thanks to the kindness of friends, family and work-mates, I’ve managed to raise just over 500 quid. Five hundred quid for five minutes work? It’s like being an IT consultant…. only I left people smiling and nothing was broken. ๐Ÿ˜›

Friends who couldn’t make it, some of them have been kind enough to say a few kind words and Rhi offered her professional opinion on the presentation of it all. Thanks Mrs!
Will there be another time? Possibly. I did enjoy it. I do wonder why I fancy another go, but it was fun, so why not? It’s not for the fame, nor the money, that’s for sure. I guess, as a distant Jones relative would say: it’s just for the craic.

Staying In

I guess with the combination of the post-nerve come down and a not very pleasant cold, I decided to stay in on Thursday. It’s Invasion tonight too, but I find myself in a bit of a take-it-or-leave-it mood. Trans folk eh? They’re not happy being cooped up and when the cure of disinterest comes along, they’re navel gazing. ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe that’s part of the drive… Hmmm. Let me explain. Maybe beating the fear and getting out – en femme, to use a clichรฉ – is part of the attraction of being in the Real World(tm). A heady brew of good times, good friends, a fancy outfit and then the gentle drift down of ‘I survived’. Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Whatever. I’m going to rock out with a hot chocolate and write a bit.

So, whatever you’re up to, I hope you have a good one.

Take care

[ Today’s lyric: Can U Dig It? By Pop Will Eat Itself. Bonus points for remembering the sample’s source. ]


  1. Well done!

    I'm so impressed that you had the courage and nerve to do it! That it went well is just the icing on the cake ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love the IT consultant part – we have some at the moment earning too much money and not able to provide anything that works ;p


    1. Thanks Stace.Good times indeed.

      Maybe I should keep the consultant gag for next time. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      A few years ago I was talking about jobs with an IT trainer. He asked if I'd thought about contracting and I said that I'd not because I would feel bad if I went for a job were I didn't know what I was doing. He gave me that look and said, "if only a few consultants worked like that." Nativity on my part. Funny, you don't forget the good ones.

    1. Maybe it's not for everyone.

      [ Imagines: a mic lead going into a cupboard at the back of the venue. "An Englishman, a Martian and a transvestite walk into a bar…" ] ๐Ÿ™‚

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