Funny how a day at work and a long lunch can sort you out – even if I did get soaked in the rain! Note to self: while an umbrella keeps the elements away, canvas trainers are not water resistant. 🙂 Maybe the downpour washed away my previous bad mood? Possibly, there’s certainly a strange love of iffy weather within the British psyche. Maybe I should have gone with “I’m only happy when it rains.” 🙂 Anyhoo, earlier I was feeling rather angry, or to be more accurate, disappointed/cross with myself. Stupid really, but then did when emotions make any sense?
I think the above came from a number of sources. Work – such that it is – plays a large part in most people’s lives and when it doesn’t go so well, so frustration arises. No doubt that’ll clear in the medium term, but it’s not a good place to be when you’re stood near the proverbial fan and you can see the brown stuff being tipped towards it. 🙂 To be fair it’s not the people at work, but a certain project I’m working on. The system is not fit for purpose and the further I go into it, so the worse it seems to be. I suppose it’s the modern day equivalent of emptying the midden. 😉 At least the work the team’s doing is going well. I just hope the vendor can get its sh** together before we have to either a) release it, or b) ditch it for something else.
The other part of it, is what happened at Chameleons. Again, this is not to do with the good folk there. Indeed, I had a great time catching up with friends. We held a small Bring & Buy sale to help top up the funds. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was kind enough to put a few items into the collection and they disappeared rather quickly. As I laid said items out, I did find myself thinking, oh so-and-so may like this. Luckily, most items went: t-shirts, a few fancy tops and a set of boots too. All went well, despite a slight eye make-up malfunction as I got ready. On another note, I seem to be struggling to find a decent pair of leggings, ones that remain snug around the ankles. If you know of any, please let me know! So it was one with the skinny jeans once again. Still, a fancy top gifted by Mrs J and funky nail polish added some colour.
Two new people joined us for the first time too. I’ll spare their names as an accidental outing wouldn’t be right. The two in question where… partners? Trans person + mrs, although they weren’t married. I could have said boyfriend & girlfriend, but that always make me think the party in question is about sixteen. 🙂 Semantics aside, they were lovely and I hope they felt welcome. They weren’t from far away, so with luck, they may be back. Always good to see couples come along.
So why the moaning and despondency? 🙂 Well, a number of the girls had decided to go into Nottingham for a drink and I was asked along (which was nice – thanks girls!). I’ve had this internal debate about visiting town before and while I really wanted to go, another part of me questioned the personal risk and I didn’t want to snub friends staying behind. Firstly, I’d said to the Ever Lovely Mrs J that I wouldn’t go into town. It’s just a bit too close to home and really, you only need to be spotted once and that’s it: you’re well and truly out. I do know one of my (straight) mates was out on on the pop the other night. Wouldn’t that make for an interesting conversation in the tea room? 🙂 Now, I’m getting to the point where I just don’t give a sh** about the latter, but it’s not all about me is it. There’s Mrs J’s feelings and, if the gossip really rattled around, what would be the effect to Wee Man or Little Miss? Some children can be cruel, so I’d rather not supply any schoolyard ne’er-do-wells with ammo. Much as it may frustrate me (Ed: there’s that word again), sometimes playing it safe may be for the best long term. Hmmm, maybe we’re back to what the psychologist said a few months ago: you’re smoothing things over. There’s a thought. 🙂
Then there’s the whole practicalities of it: where would I get changed afterwards? Kate was kind enough to offer the use of her pad to de-princess and while that was a lovely gesture, if I did drag (Ed: heh) her to town, we’d both have to leave at the same time. Ignoring that, I also felt a certain amount of guilt at leaving the rest of the Chams massive to tidy up the Centre, so in the end, I decided against it.
Ah, decisions, decisions eh? Clearly, it shouldn’t be a big thing and if I look at the feelings in the cold light of day, really, is it that important? What would I have got out from going for a drink in town? By staying at Chams I did pretty much what I’d do anyway; talk, socialise and stay safe. There will be other times, possibly not so local, so fingers crossed!
[ Today’s lyric: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes ]