“Incase of upheaval, fundamental movement below,
What’s really going on I want to know,
But yo, we don’t show on the outside, so slide.”

Howdy y’all

As I type, I’m somewhat full of a rather nice tea. That’s the second nosh-out in as many days. Not that I’m complaining, I should add. While it might not be so good for the waistline, it most certainly is good for the soul. For the first time in a while, myself and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones were without the nippers. Wee Man was at a sleep over and Little Miss was at Granny’s. So what to do? Well, probably what most middle class farties do: to the gastropub! 🙂 Glib comments aside, we both had a lovely meal together. I was great not to have to rush back and just relax in each other’s company. It’s not something we do a lot and I think when you get the chance, it makes it extra special.

Highs and lows at work. Mostly nothing but good news – which is nice. The only proverbial fly in the ointment is one rather stroppy customer. I still find stroppy adults a bit of a conundrum. Sure, there are times when someone really does tick you off, but to keep going off on one? I start to wonder if they need timing out. Yes, I do get annoyed at stuff, but I try not to get into a person’s face about it. I know when someone does it to me, it doesn’t make me want to go that extra mile, normally I think ‘what a numpty’ (Ed: or something ruder, but let’s move on). Why do folk like that think that by chucking their toys out of the pram, that they’ll get their own way? People eh? 🙂

Lastly, and on a trans front. I’ve been mulling over a few thoughts of late. Don’t worry, nothing scary. There was a recent radio programme – Radio 4 I think – which featured a discussion about the subconscious and how the ‘me’ part of the conscious mind seemed to float on top of it. I rather enjoyed the thought (no pun intended) of a raft of personalty atop this complex sea of mental machinery. Ahh, I’ve got distracted again. Where was I? Oh aye, the point of all this is I wondered what cogs turn within my own head. Which bits drive my behaviour and how much control do I really have of them? Do they control me or are there a few levers I can throw to tip the balance in another direction?

So why mention the above? I had of late been looking at summer fashions. Hell, I’m trans and I like pretty outfits. Sometimes you just gotta accept and roll with it. 😉 But this time…. this time around, it wasn’t so much that’s nice, how much is it. Oh, nevermind, but more I can’t wear that. Clothes that look best with bare legs or shorter sleeves that won’t work with Wookie feet or fully carpetted armpits. To be honest, it got a bit much. I do know that that’s all a bit superficial. I think can work out a wardrobe that doesn’t require a trip to the House of Wax, because I managed it over the last two summers.

I think the trouble is this. I’m getting… tired isn’t perhaps the word… frustrated is closer. I’m feeling frustrated that how I look on the outside, is not quite right with how I feel on the inside. That doesn’t mean I want to transition or want implants. What I think it is, is I want to be a bit more in between. I don’t know what’s changed in the last few years, but perhaps some new cogs are a-turning and they’re driving a new agenda.

That moves us on to the heady subject of the truth of free will and no, I won’t be going into that. 🙂 So my question is this: how much control do you really have and if you win, what do you lose? Ahh, and we are back to the compromise comment from the therapy sessions last year. Perhaps my real question would be what price personal happiness over others? There’s a difficult one to answer.

Anyway, the sun is shining. The trees and flowers are in bloom and according to the weather folk, it’ll be good all weekend. Best get out and enjoy it.

Take care,

[ Today’s lyric: Salve Mea by Faithless. ]


  1. It is always nice to read your Friday posts. I am very interested to where this heady subject goes. My significant other seems to have moved along with free will, and why not. I have been happy he has been happy. But…what about control and compromise? I have been hesitant to say too much but things are creeping up. Shaved legs, I find nice. The shaved chest, does look much better with some clothes. Shaved pits, an adjustment but ok. I have found my line though, longer finger nail (the real ones). I have seen the trend and wonder where is the control? (no transitions in not a factor) I am interest to hear what truth you discover, as I am searching too. Be well.

  2. Delighted Lynn to see you are leaning into big thorny thickets like the home and away series constantly waged by free will and doomed fate with a happy kick in your stride.

    I think this will help you be more receptive to whatever privileged truths there are out there for the finding.

    Control, hmmmn. If you love something, set it free?

    You sound terrific m'dear. Happy to have visited you today.


  3. Lynnd: Hello again and thanks for the kind words. I think everyone has their limit in what they'll tolerate within a relationship. For you it's long fingers, for a friend of mine, it's no to hubby's talk of pierced ears. So long as all parties are okay with that, I think it's cool. The rub comes in when there's less agreement, but then you don't need to be a tranny (or partner) to have those type of arguments 🙂

    Petra: Ta, Mrs. I think the old mental noggin is catching up, or perhaps – to stay with this week's theme – I'm catching up with the turning of the gears. 🙂 To be honest, I found the idea of cross-dressing being hardwired very liberating. I suppose you could argue that it's a cop out in that it's not my fault, it's just the way I'm wired. But I don't agree. Funnily enough, the same radio programme about the subconscious said that certains parts of us are fixed.

    For example, the specialist mentioned sexuality and once that die is cast, a person will walk that line regardless of how they or society feel about it. Not that it always makes it easy for folk… 🙂

  4. just remember that compromise is a two way thing. Give and take.
    For both parties.
    As for control…
    I think we all like to delude ourselves that we have control of the situation.
    Hugs. :o)

  5. Glad that you had a nice night out with Mrs Jones, it sounds like you really enjoyed yourself.

    Thankfully I have only ever had to deal with external customers once in my career (my first job). They could get stroppy, but most of the time they were fine (just clueless about the computers they were using and refused to employ someone who did know though – I had more than a couple of 'coughing fits' when they were being useless on the other end of the phone).

    As for the other stuff I am not sure what to say. Just hope that you get over it.


    PS Hope you are enjoying the weather – it's been wonderful here 🙂

  6. Sophie: Hiya, Mrs. True, true. It's finding that happy medium for all parties, isn't it. 🙂

    Stace: T'was a lovely night and I think 'date night' would be lovely to have more regularly. I wonder if I can find a baby sitter brave enough to monitor the nippers? 🙂

    The weather's been fab and we've had a lazy weekend of pootling about the garden and playing about. All very welcome.

    As to customers, I don't mind the ones who don't know, it's the ones who don't know *and* won't listen than irk me. Still, it's their data loss, not mine 😀

  7. Hi Lynn, getting out is the thing to do. Don't worry, the kids will be big enough to come with you you to the pub in no time and you will be scratching your head and wondering how it happened! 😎
    The Clare family went to a local gastropub last week and we were well pleased.

  8. Penny: Yup, they're growing up fast. Why does time go so quickly? 🙂 We do take them out to resturants and suchlike. For the most part, they are well behaved, but occasionally, it's good to go out as husband and wife.

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