Sometimes there’s no easy way to rattle off a blog post. I find that if I think about it too much, the words
won’t come and I’m left staring at the cursor, while phrases and ideas zip around my head. You just have to
let go and accept the deep dive…
Damn, I’ve stalled again. I guess part of me is in someway putting off what I want to write about. Okay, deep breath. In a few hours or so, I shall be taking our dog to the vets. Yet, it’ll only be me coming back. He’s a old boy, bless him, and he’s not been well. We’ve been to the vets on and off over the last month, and while the tablets have helped him, he’s clearly on a downward spiral.
It’s one of those horrible decisions of: do you wait and let nature take it’s course, or you do accept that he’s not going to get better and save him the pain?
Much as I dislike what I’m going to do… because… because… somewhere in me, there’s this nagging doubt that it’s wrong. However, another – and perhaps more vocal part – says the opposite. I don’t want him to suffer and he’s simply not eating. He won’t even accept food straight from my hand, which he was doing in the week. Given that, I don’t think letting him starve to death is right. So, upsetting as it is, we’re both off to the vets.
I will, of course, probably bawl my eyes out. In fact, I can feel the careful sting of tears as I type this. Heh – sounds melodramatic, and some may say it is, but a pet, especially one like our dog, is a part of the family. We had him before we had the kids. People say a dog is a bind or a tie, but I don’t really see it like that. A dog is there to meet you when you get home and I’ve had many a happy hour spend throwing sticks, or taking him for walks.
The wee glimmer of positivity in all of this… no, actually there’s two. One is that he’s lived to be a good age and secondly, we introduced him to a lady dog a few months ago and she’s recently had pups. So, soft as it may sound, a little bit of him lives on.
So… what else can we talk about? This being a trans blog, I suppose I ought to give a brief nod towards the usual topic of these posts. 🙂 Next week there’s going to be a party at Chams. It’s an anniversary do and as the group was pretty much founded in the 80s, that’s going to be the theme for the evening. Sandy & co suggested this – and a Chinese meal, so it’s a sort of stuff your face / fancy dress do. I know from the forum and emails from friends, that folk are getting organised for it. I bought some items earlier in the week, but I’ll be keeping my plans under wraps for the moment. Not that it’s any great secret, but you know how much I like to change my mind at the last minute. 🙂
I’ve volunteered to sort some tunes out for the big night, so I’ve been working my way through the old CDs the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and I have. Not that I have a lot of 80s stuff, it was never really my bag. I guess, being a moody teenager at the time (Ed: as opposed to a moody bugger? :P), most of the stuff I listened to was iffy metal, techo and occasionally, very camp disco.There was a lot of stuff *then* that I didn’t like, but Fate has a funny way of sneaking up on you and what you once thought of as soulless cheese, is not amusing cheese of the first order. Go figure. 🙂
The deed is done and I can’t say it was pleasant. What I will say, is that it was necessary. It’s funny, I’m still – obviously – upset about it, but it doesn’t seem as bad as prior to walking into the vets. Grief, because that’s what it is, is a weird thing. It’s like the low winter sun. You see it flicker through trees or disappear behind houses. It’s still there, but you can’t see it. The feeling goes and then BANG, you get the full on glare of it as you round the proverbial corner.
Rather than think of him as he was, I find myself looking back at the happier times. Times on holiday (pre kids) where Mrs J and I would walk and walk and walk, yet he’d keep up with boundless energy. He loved chasing a ball and, for him at least, that never got old. 🙂 There was also that time I almost had to wade into the sea to fetch a ball he’d dropped and the tide had taken it. He wasn’t going to let that go easily and I think if I’d not grabbed him, he’d have ended up in Holland. Think of the good times eh?
[ Today’s lyric: Beautiful by Christina Aguilera ]