I’m going to do something bad. I’m going to break one of the unwritten rules of the Man Code. Mind you, I’m only a member by default and my heart was never really in it. I like shopping rather than sport and my map reading skills are terrible. Still, I can open a jar of pickles and re-wire a plug, so I’m not ready to switch over just yet 🙂
Where were we? Oh yes, one of the rules is that what you hear when your mates are drunk stays between you. I suppose a snappier line would be: what’s said in the pub, stays in the pub. 🙂 I’m not a big drinker and getting p*ssed up isn’t really my thing but it had been a while since we’d all met up, so why not stop off for a bevvie?
What’s the big secret then? Okay. Affairs. It seems that a few folk (no names) have been playing away. One wife knows and they were (rightly so) repercussions. Two partners don’t and these other affairs have now ended. So this is 4 blokes out of a group of 12 who’ve *ahem* strayed in the last ten years. Does this blode well for men or long term relationships I wonder? Still, the activity isn’t limited to men, I know a married lady who ran off with another chap.
So why am I blabbing this? Not to have some rant about cheating b*stards that’s for sure. Yes, it’s cheating, but should I judge? No, I don’t think it’s my place and I’m close to some of my mates. I don’t approve – as I know a couple of the wives in question – but lay into them? What would be the point?
Interestingly – and even with a bit of chemical fire in our bellies – the mood wasn’t accepting. No, it was far more a confessional than boasting. There was none of this ‘good on yer’ back slapping. Conversation was muted and it took a while for the group to return to the banter we’d started the evening off on. You could see people weighing up their thoughts as the night progressed.
For a split second I found myself sat on a high-horse… only to slip off. I’d never cheat on my wife, I felt like saying. But then another thought hit me: what if I already am? What I do, who I am – trans*- is for some partners, beyond the pale. It can be as much a breach of trust as having it away with your secretary. I suppose the thing is you don’t know what’s going on in your mate’s heads. Heh – something I am grateful for when thinking about a night out with the ‘girls’. 🙂
But like an affair, a relationship can survive you coming out. I know a few couples where they are still together. There are varying levels of acceptance, but I think you have to count your blessings. A cliche, yes, but I’d rather compromise than drive the ever lovely Mrs Jones away. Luckily for me, I never had the ultimatum of ‘it or me’. I think that’s one of the lines a trans person would hate to hear.
Honestly. Could I stop? No, for me: to stop, throw everything away and turn my back on the friends I’ve made. I think it would be just too much. That’s a long, dark road and one I hope I keep on passing by.
My that was chirpy wasn’t it? 🙂
[ Today’s lyric: Just One Fix by Ministry ]