Draw back the curtains, take ‘No Alarms’* off repeat and stick on a smile. The telly programme title is correct: five minutes in heels is heaven. A night out with the girls (well, you know what I mean), a good chat and the spiritual high of passing old things on have worked wonders on my mental state. The balance has been restored and I feel calm and relaxed. There was even a spot of dancing which added to the whole evening.
[ * By strange coincidence I was walking through Leicester the other week and the shopping centre’s in-house music system was playing Radiohead’s No Alarms. It’s a great track (IMO) although not one that would make me thing of rampant consumerism. ]
Rather stupidly I’d forgotten to pack my make-up wipes, but luckily Beth came to my rescue and let me kadge a few off her. Phew! I didn’t fancy driving home with my face on! (Ed: If only I could get this face…off 🙂 ).
The other night I caught a programme on George Michael’s life. One thing he said jumped out at me and it was this: How can you be proud of your sexuality if it’s never brought you any joy? It’s an interesting thought, although one shouldn’t be looking to pop stars or their lyrics for deep philosophical insights into the human condition. 🙂 Irony aside, is this another factor in the lack of TG outage? (If that’s a word!). In your early years – okay, well, my early years, I don’t really know what goes on in your heads – I struggled coming to terms with it. We all know the key parts of the loop: guilt, indulgence, secrecy, repeat. Well, for me, it’s not like that any more. Sure, I get narky if I don’t get to dress up, but now the only guilt I feel is if I upset my lovely wife… and to be honest, that happens less and less (bless).
To any partners reading this who have recently found out about their hubby: let him do it. He’ll be calmer/saner/chipper and while you may hate the idea of him doing it: what would you rather have? A miserable ‘straight’ husband or one who indulged once in a while? Course, if he’s been bottling it for years, there will be a honeymoon period where he’ll go off the rails, but it will calm down. Honest. 🙂
Coming back to the point would you feel proud enough not to care if anyone found out? I don’t mean proud as in the chest-beating alpha sh*te, but no longer feeling belittled by the way you are. I wonder – as Emma posted in her blog – if TG folk will follow gay people into the mainstream or will we always skulk in the background. Ahh, the future…. who can really say eh?
On that wistful note, take care. See you next time…. perhaps. 🙂
PS: I wonder what ‘Angry of Tunbridge Wells’ made of last week’s Torchwood with all that kissing? 🙂
[ Lyric: Fool’s Gold by The Stone Roses ]