Hi,
Today is a day off and the Ever Lovely Mrs J joined me, in enjoying the sunshine (“Gah, it burns, it burns, Precious!” 😁) and breakfast out with the doggos.
It was an early start as Child 2.0 had a school trip down to Mos Eisley: where you’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy….
Sorry, sorry. A slip of the cut & paste button! 😉 I did, of course, mean a visit to the capital including a tour of the Palace of Westminster. For overseas readers, that’s the Houses of Parliament.
This meant an earlier than usual school run, this time to Nottingham Train Station via the electro-dad-mobile. The latter is rather good in city traffic: nippy, no gears to faff about with, and you’re only using fuel when moving. Thankfully the Traffic Chaos Gods were working from home, so if was a smooth run in & out
So, it’s just myself, the hounds, and the Ever Lovely Mrs J at home today. As I type this in the afternoon, Mrs J is taking a much needed recovery nap, a requirement given her health conditions, bless her.
I guess this is a wee taste of days to come, as Child 2.0 has his eye on university next year. He’s an amazingly smart lad and is really focused on what he wants. I can tell you now, he doesn’t get that from me! 😁 He’s very much his own person, and just as Wee Man moved out a while back, the house will be very different without him. Still, that’s your job as a parent: look after them, try your best, and support them as they move on.
Moving on
Which leads is to other news, in that I’ll be moving on from my current employer. A combination of changes and that feeling of “it’s the right time”. This means my last working day will be at the end of next month.
Well, that assumes there’s not a two-minutes-to-midnight change, but I doubt that’ll happen.
I’m not 100% sure what’s next, but I’m looking and keeping an open mind. Oh, and if I’ve given the impression that I’ve just walked; no, that’s not the case. This is a wider situation including lots of other folk, so I guess it’ll be interesting to see how things go.
Mind Garden
I could’ve written ‘like a garden of the mind’ but that feels a bit farty, even for me 😉 No, this one is about the…. housework you need to do in your head and in your heart.
I’ve seen a number of things over the years, where a journey is mapped out as a road. There’s twists & turns, dead ends, and other metaphorical mountains & blockers to work around or through.
Now, as much as I enjoy a good “there and back again” fantasy map, I take issue that once you arrive, you’re done. People, society, technology, attitudes, laws, etc; these change – sometimes quick, sometimes slow – but I feel it’s rare that a situation stays the same.
Children of the 80s may wish to tap play on the track Once In A Lifetime by Talking Heads 🩷
If not a map, then perhaps a garden? A place that changes, that needs time, and care. I would argue that each one is unique and while there’s a few things you probably shouldn’t do – flamethrowers, carpet bomb weedkiller application – there’s no One True Way. You look after yours as best you can.
With the (long winded) preamble out of the way, we’ll get to the content 🙂 This week Psychologies published an article called Contentment Is an Inside Job. It’s full of thoughtful points and insightful questions that made me think. It pushes at the assumption of “when I reach blah, I’ll be happy”.
Now, while I could use the advice from it to talk about generic career stuff, I won’t. To start with, this isn’t Yet Another Employee Handbook blog 😉 and I’ve got -ahem- prior about writing around trans related matters 😁
Perhaps, and the oddball neurospicy outsider that I am wants to push back against the distraction of hustle culture and suggest an alternative. That there’s a lot to be said about enjoying what you have now, to just breathe, and be grateful. To not be always on the hunt for the perfect thing, or trying to be happy with who you are and where you are now.
It’s not stayputism or the sneer of ‘settling’, but taking time to understand how far you’ve come. That and to remember to remember to take mind of the good things in your life. The cynic in me says to reflect on the anti-advertising line: “the joy of not being sold anything.” 😉
Regular readers will know I’m not big on binaries – as in either/or. Life is rich, complex, and there are times when two conflicting facts can exist at the same time.
To stand utterly still and be unchanged or unchanging seems highly unlikely. At another part of the Not Okay Map, always chasing the next big thing, means are we ever going to reach contentment and it’s fleeting best mate, happiness? Probably not.
Find your happy medium. Do change, at your pace, and do enjoy both the journey and where you might go. Just, don’t forget to spot the pull off the new, which may spoil your chances to enjoy where you are now.
L x
How you framed growth as a garden rather than a road. That idea of tending to it, knowing it’ll always need care, really hit me. It’s such a refreshing take compared to all the “constant hustle” advice out there. I’m at a spot right now where everything feels like shifting ground — with work, with life, with who I am — and this was a good reminder that it’s okay to both change and sit with what’s good now.
Old thoughts, new content from Psychologies, throw it into the ADHD muddle brain mixer, and blend at 11 (it’s one faster 🙂
If I’m lucky, what comes out is readable and if I’m really lucky, others can too 🙃
I don’t mind the concept of a road map – in terms of a project, provided it is time limited. What I mean is, “we aim to be somewhere near those goals in X number of months”. That’s the aim and how a team – or indeed a person – gets there, well, that’s where the magic and hard work comes in.
I do struggle with the view of “follow the road to the end and you’re done”.
Ooh, I am worried about Child 2.0 being turned to the Dark Side in that hive of S&V and becoming Sith-curious Child 2.5 . Mind you, you seem to feel the Force is strong in him so maybe he’ll get through the experience (and, who knows, maybe he left Mos Eisley a smoking ruin that would impress both Han Solo and Guy Fawkes).
At the risk of overheating the Farty-o-Meter™, gardens as an analogy for outlooks on life not dissimilar to yours include Epicurus’s school of philosophy, which advocated avoidance of unnecessary pain and finding satisfaction in whatever reduces want and fear, was known as “The Garden” after the pretty garden in Athens it met in. Voltaire famously ended his critique of western society in “Candide” with the suggestion that each person should cultivate their own garden, one that their experiences suggest they can manage and make flourish for them. And, of course, in religions there are the Garden of Eden or the Latium of Saturn where there is abundance for the taking with just a few simple rules and light cultivation. To paraphrase a modern psychologist, the pursuit of happiness could boil down to arriving at a point where you are at least reasonably content. More is cool, but no more than reasonable contentment is enough.
Sue x
Ha ha! “Sith curious” 😁
I think the T Force is strong in the young padawan. Your note of care is kind, Jedi Richmond. 😉 Besides, ‘only a Sith deals in absolutes’, so Child 2.0 is free to flex, grow, and learn as they need. 🩷
Thank you for the notes about the other metaphors, history, and philosophies. I feel further reading may be required on my part. I would say I’m not surprised, as A) I’m not that clever, and B) there’s very little new under the sun.
Around the idea of pursuing happiness, a study into that recommended – and I’ll give you the Dr J summary: “lower your expectations”. Not so much ‘aim low’ but keep your feet on the floor, hope for okay, sun for reasonable, and with luck, it’ll be grand. If not, no worries; try again later with what you know now.
I think there’s a lot to be said for just enjoying being where you are in life sometimes and not thinking too much about where to go next
And a garden is a good way to think about life. Because a garden may keep it’s basic structure for long periods of time, but it’s constantly evolving within it’s framework. And sometimes it can be changed dramatically. But there is plenty of time to sit and contemplate in that garden. It’s a wonderful analogy.
Yeah, to just pause for a while and take stock, I feel that’s something that’s discouraged by certain movements. Almost that if someone did stop – even briefly – that they may decide to think they have enough; that the constant chase isn’t with it; or maybe, collective collaboration is better than oneupmanship 🤔
I remember a number of times where colleagues were talk about walking on their own, needing quiet time, or even – ssh! 🙂 – a nap. All of these activities meant they had space to let the mind wander and review. Far more often than not, they’d come back with the answer too.
That reminds me, almost time to give the garden some attention before the season turns.