Christmas Ghosts

Hi,

Not quite the last post of the year, but certainly the one before Christmas. I guess now would be a good time to wish you the best over the festive period and hope it all goes well – regardless of how you like to spend the time or however you like to celebrate things. Just, take it steady, know that it’s just one day, and it doesn’t need to be perfect. Good luck out there 😉

As to Christmas presents, if you’re lucky enough to have someone in your life who undertands your trans nature and buys with that in mind, good for you, enjoy. For those of you who don’t or who’s family don’t gift with the true you in mind, maybe a wee shrug of the shoulders and look forward to treating yourself when you can. Again, it’s just a day and the view from family & friends is just theirs – it doesn’t define or invalidate you.

Holiday spirit

While we may have had our last meeting at Chams for this year, my mood remains remarkably chipper. That may be down to the week off I’ve just had and that I’ve many more days until next year as well. It’s been a busy-ish period of covering the jobs I’ve not managed to squeeze into the occasional Friday off.

A big clear out of my cupboards; a serious tidy-up of the lounge; checking in with Wee Man about old clothes; washing & dropping off things at the charity shops; and lastly, repairing and moving bedroom furniture for the Ever Lovely Mrs J. We’re not fully done, but aren’t all houses in a state of something-needs-doing? At least, that’s what I’m telling myself! 😉

The good news is that by spreading that out over a number of mornings, it’s not felt like a massive climb, but more a serious of walks. Strolls I can do, sprints & slogs, not so much. That reminds me, we’ve not yet put the tree up, but I think that’ll be a weekend job. Right now, Child 2.0 and the Ever Lovely Mrs J are taking a much needed rest, as they have only just clocked off, bless them.

Wishing

Isn’t it traditional to make a wish this time of year? Well, I’m going to anyway. I guess I better find a coin to toss into the well* or have a small piece of coal outside, to help bring in the good luck to fuel it?

( Editor: For privacy reasons, we will not be printing the list of people who ‘should be down a well’ that Lynn overheard in the queue from a fellow villager, while buying food 😜)

Foolish romantic that I am, I’m hoping for a Dickensian -ahem- blessing of ghostly visitations and a virulent outbreak of empathy for the new year. Not just to help bring a halt to the violence & war we’ve seen this year, but also a bit more caring and kindess.

Regarding caring, this statement from the UK government earlier in the month pushed by buttons a little.

I can’t pretend to know what that’s like, but I do know what it’s like to feel you have to bury a secret about yourself, to be afraid of who you are, to be bullied for it, and then to experience the liberating experience of coming out.

I know it won’t feel like it based on the decisions I’m taking today, but I really do care about this and so does this Government. I am determined to improve the quality of care and access to healthcare for all trans people.

Wes Streeting, Health Secretary [source]

Well, I can’t say I know what it’s like to be gay, bi, or lesbian. I can say I’ve heard various people – at home, at work, in the media – explain what it was like growing up across the decades. Does this mean I understand? No, not fully, no. Empathise, accept, and acknowledge that lived experience? Yes, completely.

Dare I say it’s clear that straight folk – that would be me included – need to up our game on the whole equality and equity business? There are some good souls out there and some quality stuff being done by allies, activists, and friends. Yet, it does feel like we’re still trying to hold back the demons and refute their nonsense.

But, back to Mr Streeting’s comments. What I can agree on is having to hide who you are because it’s not safe for you to be out. I can also agree on the joy – yes, joy – in finding a community of people who are like me and being accepted for who I am within that group. Hello Second Family at Chams HQ ❤️

What I don’t agree on is that coming out is the end game: it is just the start. For our son, the amazing & kind Child 2.0, his needs have included being able to be who he needs to be – a young man ❤️ – at home, at school, and in the eyes of the law. Sadly, he had an early puberty so his body changed in line with his sex assigned at birth…. meaning periods, breast & hip development. I remember listening to a trans-man at Chams when he spoke about the distress in having to deal with ‘that time of the month’, bless him.

So, if coming out as trans is not the last step, what is? Social transition certainly helps – at least, if you’re loved, supported, and accepted – and indeed there’s plenty of families who are getting on with it. My frustration is that that only takes us so far. Thinking about both my life as a now 50 something trans-something-or-other person and the lived experiences of people at Chameleons who have transitioned, I feel that the minister is not listening to our needs, nor the evidence from other progressive european countries.

Mr Streeting cares and wants to make healthcare better to trans folk? Starting listening to the needs of the trans community, to trans teens, to supportive parents. Regarding the latter, if the -ahem- ‘support group’ talks about conversion therapy to turn your kid cis/het – they ain’t supporting the child, so thanks, but move along please. If that’s not obvious enough for you, you don’t ask white men in pointy hats and flaming crosses to talk about improving equality for people of colour.

Thinking about the NHS for a mo, the years to see a specalist is unacceptable and, frankly, is at best neglectful, bordering upon the cruel through ‘managed decline’ and a trans hostile faux culture war. Yes Labour, you have inherited a toxic mess from the last government and the allegations that certain departments have been stuffed with those ‘loyal to the cause’ are hard to ignore, when you see & hear so much unsupportive behaviour and ‘foot shuffling’ against progress.

However, here’s the thing: Labour, you are in charge now and you can make a difference. Be the change not the wall.

Escaping

In other news, a friend (thank you, Andie 🙏) was kind enough to pass along the findings from research into the positives of open world gaming. If that term isn’t ringing a bell, think of the computer game as a go anywhere, do anything kinda activity. The opposite to a film or the old choose your adventure books, which are pretty much a fixed narrative.

Gamers who are free to interact with and explore a game world at their own pace are more relaxed and have improved mental well-being, according to new research. The findings could open the door to using gaming as a therapeutic tool to counter stress and anxiety.

Well, I guess my gaming geekery, hyper focus, and sheer dumb luck have hit the -ahem- dragonhorde* on this one!

( * As in, a lot of money in non nerd language 😉 )

I would add that having spent many evenings this year, happily wandering the beautiful, mythic forests of Skyrim, my mood has been lifted. The benefits of that and the validation of acceptance in the virtual world, as my characters are female if I get the choice.

Something to reflect on and think of the good luck in finding something that helps.

See you on the other side

I nearly put ‘wrapping up’ but that may be an unintended pun too far 😜 Besides, I’m not sure I want to look over my shoulder right now and take in the slow, but ever growing pile of family gifts that need to be sorted, wrapped, and tagged. Perhaps something after a brandy fuelled egg nog and some thrash metal to give me some urgency 😉

Wishing you a safe and rewarding Christmas break and I’ll see you on the other side 🎄

L x