Hi,
How’s things? Hopefully good.
Heed the spoons
I feel I ran out of spoons this week. Not in the literal sense, I should add. If that had been the case, as official Loader & Unloader of the Device Known as the Washer of Dishes*, it would’ve been my fault. Perhaps like all official or ceremonial titles, the truth of it is the work is not done by one person alone 🙂
So, spoons as in this and there was no major crisis or deep, unsettling cause. More a case of whatever and whenever they’d been used up; well, no spoons means it’s a nonstarter. To jump metaphors: sitting in the car, the fuel guage is low, and you’re not moving. Present, yes. Active? Not so much. A clear sign, perhaps, that one should exit the vehicle and rest.
On that note, the Ever Lovely (and wise) Mrs J suggested the obvious – because I sometimes miss the obvious – book some time off. So I’ve got both Fridays booked off.
Yeah, I could’ve written “I’m off today” but, A) the long form settles the brain fizz to focus, and B)… Bugger. No, it’s gone 😁
Chams
With the hot weather and above spoon shortage, I was not feeling the need to be At One with the Lynnness. 🙂 Or perhaps, more accurately, shapewear, full slap, and a wig are not easy in hot weather. So, said items stayed at home and I did not.
Given the hot weather, Chams was quite quiet and that’s fine. Each meeting is different when it comes to conversation and attendance. We did talk about how existing trans rights are under attack and why they might be. There is, I feel, that dilemma of visibility and progress.
I think we are here because people have been visible. We have stepped out and, if you pardon the pun, some have stepped up. I think that being visible and just part of the everyday world helps. I also think that there’s a time when we need to push. The nonsense around Drag Queen Story Hour being harmful to kids? That needs to be pushed back on and dismissed. Likewise the false arguement that trans rights are at the expense of another. No, that’s not true and it’s the wrong arguement. The threat to people – be they female, of colour, LGBQ, etc – are typically men with power. The physical strength to attack and/or the sociopolitical strength to get away with the abuse they inflict.
Given there’s political will in the UK to exploit this fake culture war – and yes, wars have casualties – it seems just existing has become a political statement 😔
Moving on… 🙂 Given attending in Bloke Mode meant no need to get changed, opening up and closing the building was pretty easy. Sometimes, it’s the little things.
Talking of which, the more relaxed end to the evening meant it there was more time for folk to have a photo of the evening.
Oh, and apparently I have to say “Izzy says hello”. Or so Ann has requested. 🙂
History
On the way to Chams I’d called my folks to say hello and catch up. Mum was out on a trip with the WI, so Dad had been gardening. They say the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree, and yet, the gardening thing seems to have completely slipped by. Mind you, it would be dull if we were all the same.
Part of the conversation, which is the point of this backstory, was how much Nottingham has changed in recent years. That got me thinking about this old photo:
Back in the 80s, at the top of Upper Parliament Street, there was Co-op House. A massive department store and as my Dad worked for the firm – albeit in another county – we often visited. Free parking, staff discount, and three kids? Yeah, I’d take the savings where I could too 🙂
Opposite the building was a small indoor arcade and it’s split across two levels. Nottingham is built on a hill. Okay, not like Lincoln’s Steep Hill, but it’s been known for visiting Norfolk folk to request an oxygen mask. 😉
I remember walking through the arcade, full of independent shops, and seeing, well, stuff I didn’t see in the high street places. Various record stores featuring artists I’d not heard of. This was the 80s, so no YouTube, Spotify, or SoundCloud. Oh, yeah, and four TV channels…. and no streaming to catch up. You know, the dark ages 😉
On the corner with two large glass walls, was a wig shop. I walked by many times. As a kid, wondering what it might be like to wear one. How might it change my appearance? Would the owner even ask me one?
As a teen and later a student, well, I might have had the opportunity – time and money – but I didn’t have the guts to go in.
Regret seems a strong word, yet I’m curious. Curious to the people, perhaps people like me, who might have gone there. Nervous, in need of help, and, hopefully, they found that.
Instead I found myself visiting Debenhams sometime in the 90s. Just up from the front doors and betwixt ground and first (or ‘first and second’ for American readers 🙂), there was a discrete boutique for wigs. Looking back at that memory, my recollection is one of nerves – what if someone sees me? will I be thrown out? will the owner laugh? All of those fear statements that hold us back.
Nerves, but then kindness from the lady who helped me. I don’t remember her name, but I do her. She treated me with respect and was gentle, professional, kind.
I think we could do with more of that right now. More kindness and respect in the world. I think the tide is starting to turn, but there’s a lot of clean-up to do.
As for people who need help: I cross my fingers that Chams and all the good work the group do for each other, that that makes a difference.
L x
“So, said items stayed at home and I did not”
Excellent, it’s a kind of Maslow’s hierarchy – do what you need most, add the rest as you can
With apologies for not getting my ducks in a row before posting above I have another comment…
“The nonsense around Drag Queen Story Hour being harmful to kids? That needs to be pushed back on and dismissed”
Of course it isn’t harmful and any reasonable person knows that but if so how much push should we apply? Is it the biggest deal for us right now? I think the bigger picture is that the tide is coming in but the tide doesn’t just relentlessly roll forward, a wave comes in and then rolls back and then another comes in a little further and rolls back then another and another. At the moment we are seeing the wave roll back a little, the next wave will roll in, perhaps we should be a little careful of timing on which wave we expend our energy?
It’s a tough one to call, i believe. Regardless of the issue, if you – or those close to you – are affected directly, then I think it’s quite understandable to focus on matters close to home.
There might also be the angle of conversational pushback. By that I mean allyship when someone rolls out some unpleasant guff. I don’t mean eviscerate then verbally! 😁 More trying to bring them to rethink or see people as people, not ‘those others’. Not always easy, IMO.
As to the bigger picture, well, there’s a question. Hostility seems to be coming in from numerous angles.
So good to hear of the professionalism and courtesy in the wig department back in 2002. I was a long while a-shopping before I realised that city-centre department stores have a very high proportion of trans customers and since our pink pound is as good as any other they are happy to help, especially as our gratitude keeps us coming back.
You look very cute in the ‘before’ photo; the ‘invisible’ shot from this week’s Chams meeting seems to be how many transphobes would like us to be. The fact is, the overwhelming majority of trans people are not visible as it is, and that’s through fear. Fighting transphobia at every turn is all we can do so that one day anyone who’s trans can just get on with life without worrying about being abused or attacked.
Have a nice weekend.
Sue x
Not coming out because of internal and external transphobia? No, I can’t identify with that at all 😁
Yeah, I do think I feel I should be more ‘out’. There’s that ‘should’ again. 🙄 Sometimes that worry isn’t about me, but about my family being judged for who I am. Yet, we’re back to discrimination, but via proxy.
I think I was in my early 30s in that photo. The image wasn’t very high res, so I tried one of those AI programs to upscale it. Not much the software could do about me sitting square on, not looking, etc. But, hey, lessons learned!
Those ‘men of power’ would all chew of their hind legs of to get their grubby mits on your ‘personal cloaking device’
Its a pity that there is a ` culture war’ going on, the distressing part of it, it will only be won when some of the older dinosaurs pass on
The cloaking device comes at a cost: one in which the wearer is never fully themselves. If transphobia – the shame, guilt, micro aggressions, and risk to one’s personal safety – was not a thing, where might many people be? Personally, I’d switch between styles and probably be somewhere in the middle on how I look.
I have the choice in not pursuing that, because I can get by, if you will. For some trans folk, they need to be who they need to be an of the time. For them, staying in a form that causes them pain is not possible and, IMO, is cruel to trap someone in such a way.
I am fairly sure those in power would not take that Faustian bargain.
As to dinosaurs, we may need to ride out the storm until the current government are displaced. However, judging by comments made by ’30p’ Lee, we may be in for a rough ride, as the culture war steps up to Section 28 levels of nonsense and, frankly, buffoonery.
Meanwhile, anyone with a mortgage is gonna feel it… and that’s before we start taking about Climate Change, the energy crisis, and the state of the NHS.
But don’t worry about not being able to pay your bills, mortgage, or see a health professional; the real threat are people like me, my son, and those in the trans community. 🙄
In the words of John Lydon: “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”
Not everybody is card carrying member of the Daily Mail/Express/Telegraph supporters club, not very everybody agree with their toxic agenda.
I may not understand or agree with some versions of self declaration but compare to constant campaign of vile toxic manure that is passed of as `news’
As for section 28 it seem a wise idea to start with, then you had the councils and public that tried to pervert it core principles, it was designed to stop people advertising homesexuality , some people tried to use it stop aids treatment at which point it should have been removed from the statue book for being fundamentally flawed.
“…seem a wise idea to start with…”
I was a teenager at the time and I didn’t pick up on the legislation until it came in. I remember thinking two things:
1. Why are they banning this?
2. F*** Thatcher 😉
The recent documentary featuring Peter Tatchell covered Section 28, or Clause 28 as I believe it was sometimes mentioned.
It seems the ruling was – yet again, another moral panic – because a few more progressive councils and libraries had books featuring children with gay parents. As, hold the front page! 🙄, some families are.
Cue the usual trope of ‘protecting children’ because if kids read about being gay, they might be on the turn. If that’s true and given how society pretty much had feck all LGBTQ representation in the 70s & 80s, by that argument, wouldn’t everyone be straight?
It’s almost as if a person’s sexuality and sense of gender is innate, influenced by their genes and the only question is if they feel safe to be open on who they are.
Love the old photo of you, looking most happy !
Thankyou for confirming Ann passed on my hello 😂
Yes the weather certainly has made it less fun to wear full makeup ! One of my friends suffers from it so much they walk around with a large fan clipped to their shirt or dress all the time.
I hope you manage to re-charge your batteries during your time off.
EHLO confirmed 😉
Is certainly an old photo and thanks for the kind words. I think it was taken via a timer on a very early web cam. That may explain why it’s at home and not Chams.
Yes, far too warm for a face on. Hopefully, temperatures will drop off a bit this week. Good luck keeping cool 🤞