Scene: a video call with a collection of people.
Simon: Given what’s going on at the moment, do you think we should come clean about YATGB?
Jane: You mean the truth will out? I’m not sure. Just because two high profile people have been caught lying to the population, do we need to change?
Simon: Caught again or has that not been shown in law?
Dave: It’s a post truth world now. You can say what you like and if someone has a pop at you, play the Cancel Card or say Fake News a lot.
Jane: That or Dennis the Anti Peasant: “Help! I’m being oppressed by the little people!”
Jane: No, my love. The rank and file, the chattering classes, Hoi poloi. You know… people with their acceptance, their facts, their rights for all, and sense of fairness guff.
Simon: That’s true. I mean, if we can this, what about the rights of Joe? The actor we employ for photos of an aging bloke who nearly does himself a mischief getting into the corset.
Jane: He wouldn’t need the corset if he ate less and was young looking like me.
Dave: Didn’t you tell me you’d had two ribs removed?
Jane: Fake news, Dave. I had a medical procedure to remove excess calcium. It’s a rare and *sob* very difficult situation. It takes a lot of money and time to look this good in a Man’s World.
Dave: Hold on, but aren’t the pieces you ask me to write trying to suggest equality for all and in reality you’re against that?
Jane: If you’re implying that I use my good looks to get ahead in this game, you will answer to my third husband!
Simon: No one here is suggesting, Jane, that you shouldn’t have the right to any cosmetic procedures or shouldn’t dress as feels natural to you. I mean, you’re straight and cis, not some deluded crackpot.
Dave: Are we getting off topic?
Jane: Thank you, David. Yes, it’s not just Joe. The team of crisis actors were employed to make up a support group and a family. We’re putting money back into the working man’s hands here.
Simon: No, no. I think you are right. Let’s keep the lie going. I mean, if anyone does spot anything, we’ll just say there’s a war on woke going on, so now’s not the time.
Jane: What’s a war got to do with personal accountability?
Simon: Absolutely sack all, but it’s a good excuse and our psychometrics show this chimes very heavily with our target audience.
Dave: Except we did swap leaders during the second world war. You know, when we were actually being attacked –
Simon: That’s not what my alternative facts say. You want to watch yourself, mate. You might have picked up Passive Wokeness with all the ghost writing you’ve been doing about fairness for LGBTQ folk.
Jane: Talking of which. It’s all been very serious and honest on YATGB. I think there’s a risk people might start thinking trans people – even the rank amateurs like “Lynn” – have feelings and that they’re not out to perv their way into places. Couldn’t you write something about secret pleasures, Dave?
Simon: That’s twenty quid in the Swear Box for air quotes, Jane.
Dave: I’ll run things through the AI, but it’ll probably come back with something about walking in the woods, how much they love their fictional wife, or something about new shoes.
Jane: Sorry, I was looking in my purse. Simon, love, I’ve only got a fifty. What else can I say for that amount?
Dave: Probably the word I thought about the two folk we mentioned earlier.
Simon: WOKE! HE’S GOING WOKE! Rescind his user accounts! Someone stop him!
Dave quits the call but the image of an extended middle finger remains stuck on the screen.