From red to black


There’s an article on the BBC’s website on their long read section titled How Skiving Made Me a Better Parent. Sure, it starts off with that story, but it goes into other personal stories from parents, singletons, and working folk.

The opening line about self-care is something I think we Trans folk need to keep an eye on. It is, as the article suggests for other people, somewhat of a juggling act. I don’t think it’s an either/or situation when it comes to self-care, but – and like much in life – more a scale or continuum.

I think it can help to look at your needs as mostly being met rather than yes/no. The black and white thinking means it’s all or nothing, and I think that isn’t good for our mental health.

I think it also lets you work towards things – and this applies to partners as much as T folk. I think with some careful exploration you can find ground where you are both okay. The ‘okay’ doesn’t mean I’m getting everything – and certainly not at the expense of the other party – but at least you are in a place that mostly works for both of you. Mostly, I think, it not necessarily a bad place.

Maybe that place will shift with time and what was okay one week, may not be accurate next week, month, or year. Maybe it’s about finding a way to talk about it rather than having to discuss it when we’re not in a good place (time, emotions, environment, etc).

That all said, maybe finding yourself a little time by skiving here and there, can give you space to explore, to be yourself, or maybe even just to be.

In other news, Chams had a visit from Nicola and Steph from TrendCo. I was a little late in welcoming them in – luckily Pat and helpers stepped in – as I was talking to some new visitors. It was great to see folk chatting, getting excellent advice, and making good use of the time. It was certainly very busy in the second room and a number of Chams folk were sporting new hairdos by the end of the night.

As to the late welcome, the more time goes on, the more I think how lucky I was to have the chance to study and complete the coaching qualification through work. That and attend Mental Health First Aid courses and work with a practitioner at work. I’m not saying I have the answers – certainly not that 🙂 – but I am saying people have shared questions and techniques to help others discuss, shared, and with support, find their own way. Less assumption and telling, and more curiosity and compassion.

Oh, I got a new do as well. Which was nice 😉 I’ve shifted back from the copper tone to a darker number. This one is also human hair, so it feels amazing.

Take care,


  1. I am in agreement with you Lynn, coming to an agreement with fits both parties has got to be the answer, personally I'm struggling with this at the moment as the other half does not want to engage at all. Having said that we have come to a sort of an agreement in that I have my night out once a month and some time at home when the girls are away. Not ideal in my world but you have to start somewhere!

    The Hair is looking great,I have kept away from real hair wigs, partly because of the cost, but also the storage an upkeep, but you never know I might get there one day!

    1. It's not easy, that's for sure, Andrea. I think it's a – well, seemingly
      careful- balancing act. I've heard from both sides as it were and it's tricky for all parties. Feelings of loss, being trapped, etc. They're not easy things to deal with, but they can. At least, that is, if those involved are able to talk. I know I don't get it right at home, but you can only try.

      Thanks for the kind words about the new do. I have a cupboard and some wig stands that I use. I'm not sure what the care instructions are, but everyday is a school day. 🙂

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