Don’t frighten the horses


Being British it would be remiss of me not to mention the weather. 🙂 It has been unseasonably cold over the past few days, and this has resulted in Little Miss, Wee Man, and the Ever Lovely Mrs J being off for a few days at the end of the week.

I had the good fortune to be at home at the same time, as I’d arranged to work from home. This was so I could wait in for a delivery, but by dumb luck, not one but two arrived. I had also hoped to try and break in some new heels that I’d ordered before half-term. However, a house full of my lovely family put that idea to bed! 🙂

Not that I’d ever wear those brown shoes. 😉

Talking of shoes, I was listening to a colleague politely grumble about her feet hurting. C is conscious of her height, so often wears heels to give her a boost. It was a passing moment as we sat between presentations before the next crowd came through.

For a moment, I almost said “Oh, I know what you mean! That burning sensation on the pad of your feet. That doesn’t go quickly.” But, instead, I nodded and said something about Mrs J not doing heels for those same reasons and the moment passed.

As the day closed and I drove back, I wonder: where would the conversation have gone if I had? Would C have been shocked, weirded out, feigned not to have heard, or nodded in mutual agreement?  Who can say, eh?

At what point am I – or are we – holding back, and where is the line about over-sharing and making people feel uncomfortable, versus plain honesty and openness?

Sure, I don’t have to tell people who I am, but at the same time, I wonder if by being more open, that makes it more acceptable and just, well, background noise?

Take care,


  1. It's interesting reading that from my perspective. That was certainly where I was at not so long back – always having to be careful in that situation that I didn't let on that I knew more about what was being talked about than a guy really should. Now, being out to everyone at work, I can join in with such a conversation quite freely. But old habits do die hard and I do have to remind myself of that as I still tend to automatically drift into that – best not say anything here – mode.

    1. Thanks, Claire, I'd not thought of that angle. Honestly, it's all me, me, me, this blog 😉

      So now you're out at work, how are such comments received? Are you just part of the crowd, as it were, or is there still some way to go? Just curious.

    2. Everything's fine with colleagues really. I have occasionally done something like say to a colleague 'Let's see your nails then' after I knew she'd just had them done. That's an example of something I'd never had said before – for fear of giving myself away. So everyone's good about it – just a case of me getting in the habit of not shutting that part of my life out of conversations.

    3. And certainly not a problem with the blog being 'me me me'. You can't put anyone else's view across other than your own. And that's what comments are for.

    4. Good to hear that folk are fine about it. I hear that's one of the key worries.

      I think I may be able to report what others have said, but not to any depth. Plus, any extrapolation would be conjecture on my part. It wouldn't do to put some in the press out of work 😉

  2. As yet there's no answer to this question of how much should we reveal. I used to operate on a need-to-know basis, then when I was virtually full-time I came out to almost everyone. But one very bad verbal attack on me, and illness meaning I'm not out so much now, has made me return to my old policy. I guess it depends on where we feel the greatest benefit lies at each point in our progress as trans people. Sue x

    1. Wise words, Sue, and thanks. Sorry to hear you had a tough time off it at one point. Hopefully that's now long gone.

      Perhaps asking that question about who, if anyone, would benefit in knowing is a good place to start.

      L x

  3. I remember having to do that in the past. Always having to bite my tongue. Having to consciously not look at the displays when walking through town with friends. That took a tremendous amount of effort…

    Once out, but before I transitioned, there were a few times when I could comment and it was amusing.

    There are two times that sticks in my head the most. Both different, but similar.

    One was when out with my in laws. My sister-in-law came out of the bathroom and complained that we (my brother in law, father in law and myself) had no idea of the effort it takes just to pee when out and about. IIRC My brother in law complained at the time it took her to visit the bathroom…

    The other one was on the phone to my mum and she was talking about my dad trying to hide something. She made a comment of 'you men have no idea how easily we can read you'.

    In both cases I simply said: you may want to think who I am and run that through your head again 🙂


    1. That effort you talk about, Stace; that, I think, is the burden of the mask. Sure, it may be safe behind it, but, IMHO, it ain't living. 🙂

      PS: your punchline made me smile. Thank you.

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