Learning curves


Just as the right wig helps break the Him Factor, so a good set of curves – up top, or at the sides and rear – can help too. Equally, for our trans-men out there, a good binder will no doubt, work wonders.

After winding up the meeting last time, I got changed, while Val kept me company. For some reason, we got on to the subject of why we pick the size of boobs that we do.

For me, mine was down to what I thought a typical size would be for a lady of my build. I’ve never really moved to full breastforms, although I know others swear by them. Instead, some medical tape (thank you Boots) and two pairs of ‘chicken fillets’ work their magic. Everyone seems to do their own thing and Val was kind enough to explain a slight altercation when planning some of her own. Her post, and I guess this is the first guest post! – is below:

Like many others, in the early days, at least from when my senses demanded that I wore a bra, filling the cups  was merely something that was easiest to hand, and was usually some old thick socks rolled up into a ball. Then, as the desire came upon me that this bosom that loomed forward in the lower periphery of my vision should have the weight, if not the movement, of what the garment was designed to contain, I started to look around for something more realistic.

It was around this time – and we are incidentally talking about 1999 – that the Daily Mirror newspaper’s “Agony column” edited by the redoubtable Marjorie Proops, printed a letter from a TV seeking advice on this very subject, and of course, Ms Proops had the answer to hand. A friend of hers who was transgender, she maintained, achieved the effect by filling a balloon with shampoo, tieing it off and then inserting it, for safety’s sake, into a second balloon, which was also tied off, the knot then forming a passable representation of a nipple, at least through the lacy softness of the bra cup.  She recommended her enquirer do the same.

At that time my work meant that I had evenings away from home, in a B&B where I was left very much to myself. So I started to get organised; two large bottles of supermarket own-brand shampoo (I agonised over tea-tree oil or jojola, then bought the cheaper) a bag full of party ballons from a stationery outlet and finally a large medical type syringe. (No needle, I hasten to add, it was not for that sort of purpose, besides, needles and balloons are generally inappropriate companions).

And one evening, I took over the sink of the kitchen area (the B&B also let the rooms out for self-catering), decanted the contents of one shampoo bottle into a beer glass, and prepared to go into boob production.

Now, as a life-long asthmatic inflating balloons is a task I do not relish, but is something I can usually succeed in doing – it’s tieing the knots afterwards that frays nerves and finger ends. But expanding one with a syringe full of shampoo is a different matter. I presented the nozzle of the syringe into the neck of the balloon, squeezed it tight with my fingers and injected the shampoo. 

Invariably, the balloon remained its original size and a stream of shampoo erupted from the neck in one direction or another. Worse still, shampoo is slippery stuff, and it soon insinuated itself over my fingers and balloon skin. Before long I had shampoo over the draining boards, up the wall, across the carpet and a few drips falling on me from the ceiling. The balloons that were the subject of my endeavours remained resolutely unmoved, which was not the same for me.  

I concluded that Ms Proops friend must have been having a laugh at her expense, or that he had neglected to mention that he had some device for inflating the balloons with air before exchanging the liquid for the gas. Clearly without mechanical aid the task was impossible even before trying to insert one liquid-filled balloon inside another. I spent the rest of the evening mopping up and the next six or eight months working my way through cheap supermarket brand shampoo, which my wife, mystified at my purchase, declared wasn’t to her liking.

So, what about you dear reader, any mishaps in the early stages you’d care to share?
Take care,


  1. I think over the years I've tried all the cheap/homemade solutions at one time or another. Shaped foam fills well but doesn't have any weight. Birdseed or rice filled bags have weight but no 'bounce'. Water filled balloons want to be spherical rather than properly breast shaped if you use two balloons for safety(it gets very messy if they burst).
    Currently using gel filled oversized (party) balloons so they have bounce, but don't leak (the gel wants to stay in one piece) and being under-filled are more mouldable between skin and cup. Oh, 34B to C, incidentally. And why do manufacturers think women only come in even measurements only, by the way, while mean can have shirt sizes in half inch increments? Why not a size 11, or a 35B?

    Getting the gel in was a bit of a faff, although not as messy as Val's shampoo experiment. The solution was to inflate and pinch the balloons first to make them floppy when deflated, stretch the neck around a wide funnel and then spoon and prod the stuff in to about half filled, so they flop a bit when handled. (Ah, but who's going to handle them apart from me?)

    Wish I could do the tape cleavage trick for show, but I have no spare flesh up top. I fail the 'pinch an inch' test around my nipple, so low cut tops are out.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Susie. How do you get on with the gel? Personally, I'd be worried that they'd go pop at any time.

      As to boob tape: extra flesh is great there, but not so great around the middle. Sadly, it doesn't seem possible to keep it where you want it. 🙂

  2. I still have the silicone breast forms I got from Doreen Fashions years ago. They were expensive but certainly worth the money (or at least I thought so then – they've not been out of their boxes in a long time). It wasn't just the shape, it was the feel and the weight of them – "damn, these feel almost real" for sure.

    1. Yes, I thought DF had packed in too, but googling still brings up a website, unless it just hasn't been taken down.

      Expensive: I can't remember exactly. They were over £100 certainly, which seemed quite a lot to spend, and that was back then – they'd probably be considerably more than that now.

    2. Just had a look. It seems the shop is gone (due to business rates and parking issues), but they sell on-line now. At least they are still going.

      The boobs vary from 100 quid and up, so they don't seem to have gone up too much. Unless yours were the 300 quid ones. 🙂

  3. I've only just found your blog, so this reply is a few years later than the previous comments. Over the years I've tried all sorts, starting with socks, but I found them too lumpy, tights are a better bet being softer but do not have any real feel or weight to them. Balloons filled with water, the weight is good but apart from the risk of suddenly becoming flat chested and very wet, as Susie Jay says they wan to stay round not breast shape. Bird seed works well, weight and a little bit of bounce but not quite what I was really looking for. I don't have a lot of breast tissue so I can't follow your method, so I ended up with breast forms, my first ones came from Doreen Fashions but went in a purge – don't ask! My current forms came from Translife in Brighton. They were expensive, around the £140 mark I think but they seem to work very well.

    1. Hi Andra. Thanks for sharing. Seems like breast forms are a popular choice. I've heard of the birdseed trick too and a T friend once used up a large packet of rice testing another material. Cue the question from their partner: "did you see the rice I bought for tonight's curry" 😉

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