How’s you? All well I trust.
The dark cloud that I’ve been under (occasionally) has drifted away – given the weather we’ve been having, it’s probably been drowned. 🙂 The other day I decided to try and stick to the advice from the 20th century’s greatest philosophers: “Always look on the bright side of life.” So, normality and unselfish behaviour be damned, I went out to Chams. And you know what? It did me the power of good. It wasn’t just the dressing up – although I’d be lying if that wasn’t a part of it. No, it’s the sense of belonging that going along to meet friends gives you. It’s trite but I’ll say it again, it is about being you. Yeah, you’re a bloke in a dress, but guess what? It’s not just you, there are others just like you too. You don’t have to be mucho macho if you don’t want to (not that I ever have been). If you want to talk about film, sports, slap or New Look’s fabby new shoe collection – you can. There is no need to guard what you say. For me at least, it gives a self of completeness. There is no conversation self-censorship.
So I’m sat upstairs at the Centre putting my face on when Tracy pops in. We had a natter about this and that – mainly about denial and why that’s probably made me so blooming moody these past few weeks. It was really touching and I’m grateful that she took the time out to say ‘how are you?’ and really mean it. I was touched. I said that there’s been a rush of these programmes on body image and self esteem of late. I don’t have a negative image of how I look (I don’t mean that in an arrogant way, my body is me and that’s that), but what I do have in common with some of these people, is the nagging voice of doom. As Tracy said, when you’re trans, it – the trans-ness that is – is part of who you are. When you see a nice looking lady, you see two things: an attractive woman *and* a good outfit. You can’t take the trans style radar offline. It – like the Force – will always be with you. But, to listen to this voice of doom, as books, magazines and television tells you, is both pointless and in some ways self-destructive. You just grind yourself down with self criticism… and really? What’s the point of that? 🙂
So what the the night itself? The group had a repeat of last time’s bring-and-buy, so I brought along some shoes I’d had lurking in the wardrobe (practically unworn) and one of my old wigs. I bought that a few years ago and while I like the look of it (a long, straight dark brown number), it just doesn’t suit me. Off it went in the bag along with the other goodies. I handed that over and I noticed it disappeared rather quickly! Still, money in the kitty. We managed to raise over 40 quid or so which bumps the Xmas Party funds up nicely.
Mary (RG) had also come along with a veritable array of make-up (Ed: Any suggestions for a collection noun for make-up?). A couple of the new girls had make overs which I think they really enjoyed. As I said to Mary, it’s not like you can ask your mate on how to put your lippy on. I guess a lot of it is practice and we don’t get nearly as much exposure or practice as the fairer sex do. You do need to experiment and keep on at it. Anyhoo, I did shell out for some new concealer, but that was it.
I decided to wear my other wrap dress that had been hanging in the wardrobe for the last few months. I bought it last year but the front felt too low and the length wasn’t quite right. Remind me why I bought it! 🙂 Well, the front was fine once I put a cute little vest under it and the length was resolved with a quick snip with the shears, some instaweb and a spin with the iron. Just above the knee rather than mid calf which just didn’t sit right.
So that’s me. Sorry there’s no great insight to the trans mindset or deconstruction of the tri-gendered revolution, but you can’t have it all can you.
Take care and have a good one!
[ Today’s lyric is from Space. ]