Hi,
Friday off and it’s a birthday week as well. Get in! ☺️ The Ever Lovely Mrs J and I have been out for a stroll and stopped off for breakfast. All that, and a quick visit to the pet shop to pick up treats for our hounds. Not a bad start to the day at all 🥰
A slight issue with the vacuuming today, as the drive belt has expired, so it’s been a case of rummaging on t’interwebz for something to fit the old girl….. and the vacuum 🙄 Da dum tish 😉 There’s the slight Lego-stylee just how do I get the back of the Hoover off? thinking & faffing exercise. That and finding you have one screw left, even if the back and parts are all reassembled. Hmmm. That’s not quite right, is it? But nice to have a little bit of a challenge, I think.
At least the appliance is serviceable which is more than can be said for a lot of modern stuff sadly. On that note, I did wonder – given the insanity of microchip costs (thanks AI grift bubble! 🙄) – if we might start to see more modular or upgradeable smartphones. I think the Fairphone has been like that for a time, and yes, I guess it might be easier for the manufacturer to bolt everything together as one unit.
Maybe I’ve got my old IT head on, and I’m thinking about computers being modular and changeable. That certainly helps get more life out of the product. I would love to see more smartphone makers take a punt in that direction and create upgradeable/fixable handsets, that had really long operating system support too. Imagine the growth industry in spares, revenue for software updates, etc.
Care with words
IT wiffle aside, I happened to stumble upon a forum post (not Chams, no) where – how to say this? ‘new to it’? – T folk were talking about their experiences and what they’d learned about themselves. One or two folk mentioned the word ‘addicted’ and this caused me to pause and have a bit of a think.
Addicted (adjective) : addicted (to something) unable to stop using or doing something as a habit, especially something harmful. E.g.: to become addicted to drugs/gambling/social media; it did not take Jane very long to get addicted; He had become addicted to tranquillizers.
Hmm. ^^ That seems all rather negative doesn’t it?
As if the dressing is all consuming, you’re unable to stop, and down, down, down the dark spiral one goes. Jeez, and it’s not even Halloween yet 🎃
Sure, the Pink Fog is certainly a thing – where that mist descends and you get caught up in wanting to do more, get more, etc. Be wary young Jedi, indeed! 💗
Yet, and here’s the alternative, while I would agree that it’s possible to have nearly any interest done too much, what if the dressing isn’t addition at all? What if it’s finding what works for you and you are drawn to this new way of being.
For example, I love a stroll in the woods, reading a book with my feet up, gaming, etc. I could quite happily spend quite a bit of time – and I do on holiday! 🥰- enjoying such things. I also love to work from home: the quiet, the lack of a commute, the company of the doggos, and the flexibility it affords me with work/home/care needs.
Am I addicted to those things? I mean, I do them a lot and certainly my world, if you will, orbits around them. If I get stuck in the house (no walks), or get pushed into a noisy open plan office, I run out of spoons fairly quickly.
Circling back to the dressing as addiction point, I don’t think it helps to look at it in this way. I think what’s a healthier view is understanding that being outside the gender binary is okay. That finding a way to express who you are and feel comfortable in that are good things.
Perhaps – and here’s the bottom line – you are free from the hurt. You’re no longer trapped in a state that wasn’t working for you. Now that you have, who wouldn’t feel relief from that?
I know when the Lockdowns happened and I started to work from home, while there were certainly pressures and worries, what I found was the relief of the mental load from the enforced social space of a busy open plan office. I had quiet time to recharge. I could nip into the kitchen and get a drink, rather than dash to a queue for a beverage, and run to the next meeting.
So, addicted? No, I wouldn’t say that being trans*-something-or-other is that. Well, certainly not for me. Yes, I have thought of it in the past like that – way back in my 20s as the ice sheets headed back t’Arctic 😉 – but I don’t now and haven’t for some time. I think that after time I realised that world view wasn’t helping me. In fact, it was driving a narrative that I wasn’t in control – I was, and there were things I could do to make my life better.
IMHO, to be trans*-something-or-other is not a curse, it’s a different way to be, yes. Some folk don’t get it, but that’s not my problem. I don’t get sport either, but I’m not picketing Wembley with a placard 😁 You do you as the saying goes, and I’d love the same kindness back.
Dare I say, I think it might be better not to use addiction as the go to word. It has, IMHO, negative self talk around you being out of control, there’s shame, guilt, etc. Even if the true picture of addiction is not like that, but where folk would change if they could – and people certainly do, bless ’em.
But maybe I’m a bleeding heart woke liberal bigot bothered who doesn’t understand the ‘obvious’ truth of strict sex norms… 😉 or maybe that’s toss too 😝
__________________________
Stay fabulous,
L x
Happy birthday week! (You have a whole week of birthdays How cool. Or did your mum have a really long labour?)
Sorry.
All devices end up with screws left over after reassemply. It’s a law of something (Screwfix’s Law?).
I have a whole box of spare computer screws and I’m convinced desktop towers breed them while your’re in the process of trying to fix or replace something.
Upgradable/repairable phones? Attractive idea but probably anathema to Apple.
At one time I used the term compulsion rather than addiction to decribe that feeling of wanting and needing to dress – and which, like withdrawal , increased in inverse proportion to time and opportunity to do so. As for other activities: can you be addicted to reading or books (a glance round my house might suggest so.) For some people, shopping is an addiction: the need to but something, anything, even if you don’t need it or can’t afford it. Does that figure just a bit in CD land?
And talking of CDs, does that explain why I have three copies of Massive Attack’s Blue Lines. Or am I just forgetful?
Just the one birthday, but I don’t like to reveal the exact day online. To riff on Mae West’s joke: “… and if you do it right, one’s enough” 😉 Thanks for the well wishes, though. 🙏
Upgradability – yes, I’d imagine there would be a number of “we sell hardware and control the software” companies who’d not join in. Imagine where the PC – or even IT industry – might be, if the IBM systems hadn’t allowed add-ons, hacks, updates, etc.
IMO, there does still seem to be a strong – if small – community of folk, who run with “it’s my hardware, I’ll run what I want on it”. Perhaps as long as that exists, there’s hope for everyone to climb out of the walled gardens, certain Big Tech companies are building.
I think there’s elements of any interest “going a bit far”, IMO. You get people who deep dive in their faith, diets, cooking, politics, crafting, beer, sport, hobby, exercise, interest, etc. The list is endless. I think you can be ‘all in’ on something, and there’s a fine line between that and tipping into unhealthy levels: fanaticism, obsession, etc.
Massive Attack – a fine album, so I’m told 🎶
A happy birthday week, Missus. Many happy returns. And Susie wins treats for her long labour joke. These days I’m in the habit of calling my birthday cake “The Towering inferno”.
I was about to say that if crossdressing is an addiction then I need some serious rehab. But then I rethought it. I understand where the ‘new to it’ gals are coming from because in your early days it feels so amazing that you can actually do this and not die that suddenly you want and want and want to dress, a bit like an addiction except that most addictions build over time whereas our rush is usually early then settles down to something practical and manageable. But TBH I think that being true to one’s transness represents the lack of addiction, finally getting clean, as it were, and the binary is the drug peddled to you that you get addicted to because it feels safe if not quite right.
Have a good weekend.
Sue xx
Thanks Sue. See also “We didn’t know if it was best to light all the candles, or just set fire to the lawn.” 😁
Given your comment on the binary, perhaps becoming who we need to be, that’s like leaving something that made you ill behind.