Hi,
It’s been somewhat hectic on Planet Jones this week. The Ever Lovely Mrs J has not been well, bless her, and with GCSEs in full swing for Child 2.0, pick-up times are all over the place. Still, it’s the weekend and now exams are over, Child 2.0 has three months off until the start of sixth form. Oh, and prom. Three months? Well, you can imagine how chuffed he is about that. A very long summer and, to top it off nicely, no more school uniform. Gah, how he (and I) hated it.
Gaspers
Unfortunately, the cold shifted from the usual nose and feeling a bit pants situation, into an awful cough, and Mrs J’s been off work with it. Most unusual for a hardy Northern bird (as she identifies). Muggins here has had a dose of it too, except I’m Sir Wheezy McWheezeFace.
The annoying upshot of wheezing and breathlessness is A) needing to take my relief inhaler, B) usual I’ll-just-get-this-done physical tasks knacker me, and C) I’m lagging in the fuel department.
Perhaps the sensible thing would have been to have taken time off ill, but when it’s a mild cold, and I’m (mostly) okay working remotely from the Office of the Sofa, I feel a bit of a fraud.
Don’t panic, Jones
Despite the roadworks, the closure of Chams HQ car park, and having to wander through the rain; a number of us managed to open up, and meet this Thursday.
As Val texted the other week, ‘we managed during COVID…’ I felt inspired to give it a go by going for the best and not worrying. While I was clearly feeling the very heavy travel bag and the rain, a bit of exercise and variety can be a good thing.
This week’s outfit is a Joe Browns’ skirt and Clarks’ shoes, both from Vinted. I was browsing the site and I added them to my my favourites, so I could leave it and have a think. I find this helps stop impulse buying and if I’m honest, I’m enjoying the feelings of recycling and a person gets a sale.
I’m still getting emails and texts from Roman around sales, but, in truth, the last two – maybe three – orders have not fitted well and went straight back.
As much as I like some of Roman’s designs, given their lack of a Tall section, I’m thinking they don’t make things for people with my build. Hint: be more Snag, folks. The sizing is fantastic and they’re very inclusive 🏳️🌈 Oh, and do check out Snags new dresses and skirts. Amazing colours! 🌈
I feel I should add that I am loving having my body as it should look. No need to hide under leggings, but to have the choice around what I can wear. It is, well, both freeing and liberating. It helps me feel good about myself and that regardless of how I am dressed. Fab stuff.
Community is such a good thing
I stumbled on to an article suggesting that Social Health is as important as your physical and mental health. Specifically, feeling you have a good network of friends, a sense of community, and are not lonely.
Feel free to get the violins out when I sat this next bit 🙂 I find Taylor Swift’s You’re on Your Own, Kid moves me to tears with I hear it. There’s something in Taylor’s voice (truth? vulnerability? relatability?), the artistry of her words, and the story she sings; that hits me square in the heart. Perhaps it’s not dissimilar to Tom Hanks’s comment on the important difference between solitude and loneliness.
I’m unsure if it’s old childhood memories, empathy for the singer, many years of feeling like an outsider*, or I’m just a soft tw*t 😉 But, yeah, I don’t listen to it if I’m about to meet anyone where I need dry eyes.
Adding to the asterisk on outsider, it took a long time to find my tribe. Both in work, with Mrs J, and through the amazing people at Chameleons. I think it’s the dizzying cocktail of my neurodiversity, trans nature, loud introvert improv, and love of geekery, that means I don’t fit in neatly with the other parts of the human jigsaw puzzle.
There’s no wrong pieces, just pieces not in the puzzle that’s right for them 🩷
So, while I may carry around old memories of being the odd one (thanks grammar boys school 🙄), and while old stories bob to the surface at very rare times, I know it’s only temporary. I know I survived them and they’re just memories; they can’t hurt me.
The great news is that my tribe isn’t far away. I have Chams to talk to virtually and in the real world. Likewise this blog and the blogs I follow help with that sense of belonging and community. On my better days, I feel what we do – collectively – helps push things back, just a little, and makes things better.
So, here’s to those who help build a community: the members, the organisers, the writers, the doers, and all that good stuff ❤️
L x
Hi from one of your community. There’ll be others of the gang joining in shortly with support and good vibes.
Hope you and Mrs J are both better soon. There may be something going about, or its just the lousy start to summer we’ve had.
Lovely outfit as ever, and the shoes are just fab.
And it’s not just OK to tear up when something moves you, it’s the normal thing to do. It’s all that masculine repression and manning up nonsense that we need to stamp out. That’ll give the Alpha males something to cry about.
Sue x
Thank you for the well wishes, Sue. Mrs J’s cough is reducing slightly each day and today’s dog walk didn’t induce any breathlessness on my part. Reasons to be cheerful.
Some slight outfit issues as I’d mistakenly ordered a square neck top (which showed my bra – eek), so the emergency vest & cardy combo was required. I think that’s my first pair of slingbacks and the summery colour was too much to refuse.
As to not tearing up, yes with you on that and probably a personal hangover of the toxic w*nkery of 80s schoolboy “be the hard man” nonsense. The good news is how things seem to have changed for our children around emotional care and mental health in schools.
Oh, and as you mention alphas, I found the in the week and was quite – but pleasantly – surprised by the research:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/
Protective of family and community? But of course 🩷
Thank you for the link to the article on wolves. As you know, I now live where the Alps meet the sea, and, looking up, wolves are part of the landscape (looking down, it’s humpback whales). In fact, wolves were strolling down our street just a few weeks ago. Having been brought up properly, I was told that wolves were big and bad. To the extent that I didn’t have a monster hiding under my bed like most kids, but a wolf. A big bad one.
And then I got reading about wolves, in books by actual naturalists, not fairy tale authors … and apart from being beautiful, fluffy creatures (some of the pictures that patient nature photographers take are breathtakingly beautiful), their family ties, loyalty and devotion to each other is inspiring, their intelligence and resourcefulness is beyond question, and their place in the natural order is just. Like all wild creatures here, they truly fear only one thing: mankind. Mankind is always big and always bad. Wolf cubs probably have nightmares of men entering their snug dens and killing them. Whereas my childhood fears were imaginary, these are real.
Alpha Male is really just a term to denote male bully. It’s not quite clear which biologist coined the term, but it’s generally seen as misrepresentative now, as far as animals go. The human alpha male – the Boris Johnsons, the Dominic Cummings, the Richy Sunaks – are neither for family nor community. Time to get rid.
Sue x
Ah, fairytales and the hidden damage they do. See also the nonsense written about sharks. Oddly enough, most predators do go a bit crackers when you dangle food directly at them. 🙄
I’m not sure if it’s in the article I linked, but a source article mentions that the study that coined ‘pack alpha’ was based on wolves in captivity and who were from different packs. As someone pointed out, it’s a bit like studying prison culture and saying that’s how all humans behave.
I think wild creatures such as wolves, big cats, bears, sharks, etc need to be understood and we need to respect that they’re neither tame nor monsters. As you point out, when they brush up against humanity, that’s when the issues start. The minor threat to us, the loss of their habitat, and, often, the extermination by humans. We’re getting better in some places, were wildlife corridors and protecting forests for them to live. Money and profit vs nature, sadly.
But there’s not much in the way of large, wild animal predators* in the UK, so European and North American readers may feel differently. I know a friend who lived in the mountains in France, who kept a rifle to scare wolves off if they got too close.
( * Do note the number of deaths around cows attacking walkers, mind ).
While I couldn’t comment on the persons you give as examples, there are certainly those in power – business, politics, etc – who’s sociopathic, narcissistic, and/or psychopathic (low empathy, no morals, high charm) tendances allow them to use, dispose, or push others out of the way.
But maybe I would say that as someone with high empathy, strong morals, and no charm 😉