Not doing owt

Hi,

Ahh, a week’s staycation, a night out, and a long weekend? Well, colour me well chuffed and tiptoperoo 🙂 Engage smug mode 🤓

( For the non Midlands Massive, owt – said ‘oat’ – means ‘anything’. Typically used as a reply to an accusation. “Me? I’ve haven’t done owt!” 🙂 )

Chilling Out

With the Easter holidays in their second week, myself, the Ever Lovely Mrs J, and Child 2.0 had time off. Okay, technically Child 2.0 was already off, but they did attend some pre exam top-up lessons for their art GCSE, bless them. Crikey, extra lessons out of term time: he is dedicated 🩷

We did a few trips out as a family and then Mrs J and C2 went off for an overnight stay down south. I didn’t go because A) snoring in a hotel room, B) we don’t need anyone to look after the dogs, and C) Mrs J and Child 2 have a lovely time travelling. So, yeah, it all worked out rather well for them really.

Given I was dog sitting and home alone, I guess it would be fairly typical for this to be a Lynn Went Out story…. except, I didn’t. Not for any deep and/or troubling reason, I just didn’t fancy the faffing around. Instead, I read, played some games, and took it easy really. As much as a day out is very nice, there was nothing I really needed to do or collect, so I took the option to recharge the Dad Batteries by relaxing on the sofa. Slippers off, feet up.

Goblins

Mid afternoon I started to feel very anxious. I could feel my pulse racing and occasional rushes of flightiness – quite probably adrenaline I’d guess. Clearly, my own fault in reading the white knuckle terror article around updating Campfire in Skyrim 😉

Okay, thanks for visiting Anxiety Goblin, why are you here?

Cue a flood of – what I’m going to call nonsense thoughts, quite possibly some jitters around being alone. Now, the good news is that helping Child 2.0 with their panic attacks – not that this was of that level – and listening to a few podcasts of ‘I am not my thoughts’, it felt time to engage the old mindfulness Jedi tricks.

So, some careful and slow breathing, focusing on how I felt sat on the floor, the feelings of carpet against my hands, etc. This helped, thankfully, and thanks to those suggestions from others, I found I could sort of step away from the nerves, and look at them nearby.

I mean, I’m often at home alone – as much as one is when you have lovely doggos in the house – and I’m quite happy with my own company a lot of the time. So what was it? A random flurry of chemicals, just one of those things, or worry about my family being away? Whatever it was, the mindfulness helped and after a time, said goblin was soothed and quietened.

Maybe it’s not quite time to quit the tablets just yet then 😁

Cass Report: parental view

This week saw the release of the Cass Review around NHS treatment for transgender kids.

TL/DR: A good start. Could be better. Ask parents & kids. Ignore anti trans voices.

To take a moment to be flippant: what could possibly go wrong given today’s political and media intolerance to all things trans? 🙄

To be more serious, I think a review was necessary and I do think – as the parent of trans teen – that some of the recommendations are valid and worth pursuing. Certainly, more regional centres and increasing research would be a good thing in my book.

My issues with the findings is that this feels a bit too ‘top down’ and too “everyone slow down to near stop”. It seems too removed from the everyday needs and pockets of good work that are happening with families with trans kids, work in the NHS, support from schools, and in local political systems.

What do I mean by ‘near stop?’. I mean that it takes years and years to get any help for your child and there’s not much for parents available either. On talking with the GP with Child 2 – they were 16 at the time – the doctor said it was likely C2 wouldn’t be seen before they were 18… and would then go to the queue around adult services. Delay, delay, delay…. No wonder folk seek private healthcare as an option (no blame to those that do! 🏳️‍⚧️).

For different reasons, both of our kids have used child mental health services and the waiting list for that is, well, very long. It’s absolutely not the staff that are the issue: it’s that there’s not enough of them to deal with the demand, and massive underfunding has, IMHO, made this worse.

Likewise, gender services for adults. I know from friends at Chams, that it’s a very long wait, and if you’re dealing with crippling dysphoric feelings, two years: well, I feel I’m not being overly dramatic in saying that for some, that’s a terrible burden to carry, and one that can cause the most awful distress and mental trauma. For some, and I do not say this lightly, it’s the risk of death. When someone says to you “I just can’t go on like this” and they have the rope in their hands, that’s… well, words fail me at the mo. 😢

I think the review needs a slight upgrade and I also think that might be best done after the government changes. At the moment, there’s too many dog whistles and culture war distraction nonsense going on, for the findings to be implemented.

Once a more neutral government takes over – and no, Labour aren’t perfect, but they’re (IMHO) more likely to be less TERFy – I would like to see Cass revisit the existing research around the positive changes through holistic care for trans kids. I will happily speak about how much a social transition has helped Child 2.0, as a stopgap solution. On reading from other parents, it seems a number of important studies were missed/overlooked, so the report’s findings could be improved with those and more parental involvement.

If you’re interested in reading more about the findings and research, PinkNews have some excellent summaries. There’s also a list of parent and transgender child related research articles here too (thank you Growing up transgender 🏳️‍⚧️). Plus, mais oui, a parent writing in to The Guardian. Not me this time. There’s also this on waiting time concerns and this from Freddy McConnell (a trans man speaking as a trans person! 🩷🏳️‍⚧️) on the need for Dr Cass to reject anti trans biases.

PS: I booked an appointment with one of our local MPs and that came through earlier this week. My hope was to offer them the chance to ask me questions about our experiences, rather than me lecturing them. I think that went well and there was no political point scoring from either of us. Instead, we focused on what was going well (school acceptance, social transition, the good work Mermaids UK do, etc). In terms of improvements, reduced waiting times for holistic treatment and focusing on evidence & research. Fingers crossed 🤞

Thursday

I think part of my laconic approach in the week, was down to the proximity of a night out at Chams. That and perhaps with body issues dropping to near zero levels (yay! Good news ☺️) and gaming (gayming? 🏳️‍⚧️) helping with validation, the readout on the proverbial Representation As Trans gauge was pleasantly low.

Wait. Is that now the RAT scale? 😁

Still, as ever, better to go and have what I need with me, then change my mind, than put it off, or schlep in and regret my choices later….

Given the warmer weather, I felt it time for something a bit more Spring. Plus, I’d been using some recommended shoe stretchers (thanks Andie) to give my nude Mary Janes a bit more room. I, ummm, may have of overdone that, given I had to put some memory foam in the toe box, as they’d gone up from a too snug eight, to a loo loose nine. Bloody hell, Lynn 😁

So, new hair, refitted shoes, and an old favourite from the wardrobe; I felt made-up (literally & metaphorically) by the outcome. A welcome feeling given previous struggles and worries.

As to the night itself, we had a new visitor (trans masc) who was looking for a social & support group. He’d also joined Trans Hub in central Nottingham, so hopefully he’ll find his tribe, so to speak.

I had an interesting conversation with someone who works in law and represents transgender clients. On listening to them, it seems that the legal system is progressing, rather than sleeping backwards. I can only hope that this social traction continues, and that helps haul politicians forward as society needs.

L x