Learning, not failing

Hi Trans Mafia and allies 😉

A shaky start to the week, given a ‘blessing’ from the Faery of Colds. Cue two plus days of a visit by Professor Sneezy McSneezeface and their executive colleague, Dr Sleepin Allday-Ont-Sofa.

Buuuut, it was only two days and that goodness for decent sick pay. At least there’s no worries about being stuck in the awful position of not being able to afford time off ill.

Lifestyle of the non rich and poorly

I should point out that I completely agree with our Prime Miniature – sorry! Mini Sinister. Goddamnit! Minister 😉 – that being ill is a lifestyle choice. He’s absolutely right that the Ever Lovely Mrs J’s long term health conditions are nothing to with genetics, but are just her choosing to be ill. 🙄

It’s the same for me with my mild asthma. No need for an inhaler or emergency relief drugs: just tell your lungs to get on with the job, and problem solved! 🙄

Uncaring idiocy of the first order…. Again.

Gayming

Some slight technical snags with my current play through. I’d installed some extra mods to let my character adopt up to four children in the game. I would say this is a nice to have and clearly my bleeding liberal heart taints even my gaming, given it’s good to help nonexistent homeless folk….

mErh. BUt wat aBoit teh pRppR hoMeles?

Glad you asked fictional rightwing nut job! 🙂 Charity support, monthly monetary donation to a food bank, and literally buying someone food if they want it. But I better stop. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be ‘virtue signalling’…. like you flag shaggers don’t 😜

Where was I? Yes, bugs. So, while the custom modification list I’ve built isn’t a 100%, there’s a few things to come out of this.

From a mental health point of view, I’m having to remember to live with uncertainty and imperfection. To learn to understand that there’s some things I can do to the software, but it’ll never be perfect. To roll out the AGILE coaching phase: is it good enough? Yes, more than good enough and while I will certainly add more mods to the game, it will not be perfect and that’s okay.

I do get some satisfaction from learning how to fix issues and get complicated changes to work. I mean, due to my own failings, I had to start from scratch and learn a whole new mod management system.

All of this keeps me entertained and learning new skills is very good for the brain, so I’m told.

Failing

I happened to fall on new podcast. Only the trailer is out at the mo, and it’s Fail Better with David Duchovny. Disclaimer, this is just my usual waffle and there’s no behind the scenes money bung to promote this. Ha! Paid to blog – that seems highly unlikely! 😁

So now I want to get into the way that failure looms over all of us and really shapes who we are. What’s good about that, what’s bad about that, what’s holding us back in shame? Lots to unpack here.

David Duchovny

So, failure. As my eldest would say: ‘big oof’. Yeah and if I listed all things I had failed at or thought I’d messed up, we’d be here a very long time. 🙂 I might even nod off before completing…. or run out of blog storage 😁

A failure teaches you that something can’t be done that way.

Thomas Edison

I take solace in the above given my creative interests, IT career, and perhaps surprisingly, in being trans.

A decade ago when a smokey eye was the look du jour for Xmas, how I practiced and practiced, but it just wouldn’t come together. Well, unless you were aiming for a more gothic version of Kung Fu Panda, only significantly less cool. 😁

It isn’t about the toxic belligerence BS of ‘winners make it work’, it’s about being open to learning and, perhaps oddly, knowing when to stop. Stopping isn’t giving up; it’s just to make a moment, think things though, and get ready to try again, when it’s right for you.

Going back to the eye make-up thing, I leaned a lot about shading, application, colour tones, etc. Plus lots of things that don’t work for me, but do for others. The breakthrough was learning about eye shapes – or hooded eyes in my case – and learning from that. Do I get it right all the time? Hell no, but putting the hours in and following the right advice has helped me feel okay about my make-up technique.

With a look towards coping psychologically, it’s more complex. I don’t consider there to be any failure in having anxiety, depression, or – and the medical d is diagnosis is still on the queue – of being neurodiverse. There’s nothing failed about being trans or genderfluid; they’re just shortcut labels to stories on how I and others are alike. Alike, but not exactly the same. Again, not better or worse, just different 🩷

I know I’ve struggled with being trans, or perhaps more accurately, struggled with the truth of who I need to be, and express my needs properly. But that’s improved via help from the counsellor and I think I’m in a better place than I was this time last year. I’m not dreading summer and a return to Wolf Legs. Nervous, a little, but Big Girl Pants on and lets see how things go.

I’ll close off this mindful wander with this: I think it’s better to think of things not as failure, but as moving towards where you need to be.

I feel that failure can often be seen as win/lose, but life is more nuanced than that. Plus, hanging out with folk on a similar path to you can be good. Good company and a good way to learn too.

Chams

Talking of good folk to hang out with and learn from… 🙂

I was a wee bit late arriving due to the silliness of doing too much during the day. The post five PM catch up kip turned into a proper disco nap, which put me back 30 minutes. Still, I felt better for that. It also meant the tail end of the rush hour traffic had ebbed away, so nothing to panic over.

Given the cooler April weather, I was back in opaques and boots. So much for the perfect date 😉

So, long-ish sleeves and thicker tights or leggings, given my waxing appointment had to be put back a week. An opportunity to improve knees: become folliclly laconic…. like my receded hairline 😉

“Anything for the weekend, sir?” Nah, just a spritz of furniture polish to brighten my scalp 😁

I bought some new hip pads from Amazon. It was fun the same vendor as before, but this time, these aren’t high waisted, so I’m hoping they’ll be cooler in the warmer summer months. 🤞

I’ve taken a punt on some new fake tan, but held off applying. Partly due to time this week, but also -ahem- lessons learned on not trying anything too be better a night out.

I had taken along my new ‘do and hair straighteners too. Clearly, a bit more effort and learning is required on those, as my fringe kept visiting my eyes on the night 🙂

We had a new visitor come along and with a partner too. As other members were chatting to them, I didn’t want to intrude, so it was a case of balancing being helpfully available over being overseeing. If that make sense.

I managed to catch up with Izzy, Debbie, and Ann during the evening. No sign of Val due to transport issues – hope you are sorted now, Missus.

Closing off

With Friday being a nonworking day, I’ve had chance to catch up on household stuff, which means the weekend is free to relax in. A local gent has helped fix the mower, so that’s a worry off the list. I’ve also hung up the… -ahem- six dresses I had hung up downstairs, so there’s a bit more room on the wardrobe now 🙂

L x