Hi,
The other day I was sat waiting in the barbers. For the record, I hadn’t dropped in for a chat, use their WiFi, or warm up 🙂 Child 2.0 had requested a haircut, so I powered up the electro dadmobile and off we went.
( Pause for soapbox rant: ‘Warm banks’ so people have a place to go and not be cold. WTF government? )
As he sat in the chair and the barber snipped and buzzed to restyle his hair, I find my thoughts drifting around on the situation.
Firstly, Child 2.0 has a certain coolness to their look that they’re happy with. Well, as much as you can when your gender and body don’t fully align. I’ve said it before but I’ll repeat so long as it’s good enough, don’t worry about perfect.
I hope that feels okay in who he is and also that having the right clothes and hair – not to mention that we fully accept him as our lovely son – is validating for him. I’d like to think that knowing you have a place, at home, where you are safe, loved, and able to be yourself helps.
As the razor buzzed I found myself thinking about when I used to have my hair cut. As a teen I very much disliked having short hair. It felt right to me – partly as being a metalhead, but partly in that I disliked having to conform to being a ‘short back & sides’ male.
Oddly, I liked having my hair done, but not having it short. There’s something very relaxing about a good chat, having your hair brushed, the split ends snipped, and leaving the hairdressers looking better than when you went in. Well, ideally 😁
Being of thinning thatch, it’s something I miss. While I didn’t manage to make my hair femme in any way – other than long and well looked after – there are times when I miss it. I’m mostly okay with accepting getting older, but going bald stung a little. Perhaps it was the closing of the proverbial door. That or when I get up, if I do risk a look in the mirror, I’m reminded of a face and hair that don’t really match how I prefer to look. Certainly seeing yourself on a video call jars a little.
If there’s a point to this post, I guess it would be to say enjoy the moment while it’s with you. That we may have to lean into changes that come to us and sometimes there’s benefits to the new.
All that, and sometimes surprises come along and you’re reminded of the good things. For example, having my wig styled and remembering the good things about a chat, the contact, and the lift a restyle gives you.
While I might not have much on top – or much between my ears, according to some 😁- I don’t have to worry too much about haircuts and styling things. Yes, a wig may be temporary, but that in itself means I can try different looks quickly and without too much fuss. Given my recent failings on the curl front, perhaps that’s not a bad thing.
Stay fabulous.
L x
The electro dadmobile sounds like something off the Inspector Gadget show. Presumably powered by dad jokes!
I hope Child 2.0 continues to thrive. It’s good to hear he has a loving environment in which to develop as nature sees right. Having a buzz cut must be very affirming. Presumably one day you two will have The Conversation and he’ll find that there’s more than one trans person in the family. It makes you wonder of being trans can be hereditary.
Have a good weekend.
Sue x
“…powered by dad jokes…”
Ha ha! I think I might be. Unfortunately the car requires electricity. What if we could harness the energy from a dad joke, though? Energy crisis averted! 🙂
I really hope that our son knows that we love and accept him. There’s no right way to be a parent – although there’s a few definite no-nos. Growing up is not always easy, but he’s a good kid: kind, funny, tries hard, and I think he’s ace. I may be biased though 😉
As to ‘the conversation’, I’m not sure. I feel he has enough to deal with and I don’t want to make things weird for him. Does that make sense?
As to trans and genetics, perhaps there’s some genes that give you a propensity towards behaviour/outcome. That is pure speculation on my part. I did listen to a radio interview about ‘the gay gene’ which is where I’m getting the above thought from. However, sexuality and gender are not the same thing.
I’m not suggesting a chat about trans people and propensities in the family is something that could or should be had, just that it seems to me that it might well crop up one day. It’s a tricky one. I’m glad that your son can be himself within the family and presumably at school and in society. How very different from my days and experience!
Sue x
Sorry, I’ve got the wrong end of the stick again. Duuuh 😔
There’s been a few dresses hung up on the spare room and some heels under the bed. If they’ve been spotted and the connection that Mrs J never wears them, nothing has been said.
Yes, it’s very different to how things were -ahem- ‘back in our day’ 😁 Cue Symphony for a New World as per the Hovis advert 😉
I’m glad he feels comfortable and confident to he who he needs to be. That and both school plus his peers are fully accepting. I’d much rather him have that experience, than years of repression, shame, and the associated mental health trauma from internalised transphobia. That takes a long time to unpick and process, IMO.
As to those trying to put the proverbial genie bank in the bottle to riff on an old phrase: “it’s over bar the shouting.” People are living as they need to be. It’s just time for the legal, medical, and political systems to catch up.
Nissan missed a trick when they named it the Leaf, The ‘Electro dad mobile’ sounds much better.
Certainly a lot less hassle to stick a wig on – I think another benefit is to be able to reduce the size of the forehead somewhat. Feeling you like someone from the Tefal advert is not good 🙂
I’m still upset I didn’t get that job in naming the Electro Dad Mobile 😉
“My milkfloat drives the kids to the yard. Damn right and it’s easy to charge” 😁
Yes, wigs are easier than your own hair, I guess. At least, it’s been a long time since I had that concern. Your joke about Tefal did make me chuckle 😁