Hi,
It’s been a while hasn’t it? Unusually for a post, I’m actually in Lynn mode. Usually, I’m laid back on the sofa, or tucked away somewhere quite, swiping the virtual keyboard.
So, where are we now?
In truth, could be better, but equally, things could be a whole lot worse. 🙂
We had some time away as a family and, well, there were good and bad bits. The good is that we all got to go away, have a change of scene, try some new things, and there was no housework to be done either. Okay, a bit of cooking, but not much and Mrs J excels at that. I’m more semi organised heating, rather than anything creative. We were out in nature a lot – forests, moorland, sandy beaches, a paddle in the sea – and regular readers will know that those things recharge and heal me.
The healing was taking a bit of a battering, as mentally, I was not in a good place. Being away meant my usual go to distraction options – gaming, streaming, keeping on top of house stuff, writing, YouTube, etc – were out of reach. To add to that, the long summer of being in him mode (appearance, presentation, hairy 🤢) for, well, frankly too f***ing long has been an unpleasant burden.
On the note of burden, I heard someone talking about grief. The metaphor they used was of carrying a box. Most days, the box is heavy and slightly awkward. Good days, the box can be slipped into a pocket: noticeable, but sometimes forgotten. On bad days, the box can’t be moved because it’s too big. On really bad days, you’re under the box and it’ll move when it’s ready. I am aware of grief, as are many of us, and that metaphor works for my feelings of begin be trans. To use an old saying of mine: it’s all fine until it isn’t… and there’s been a little too much isn’t of late.
So it was that the combination of lack of coping techniques by yours truly, the feelings of being trapped and wrong, and summer means skin is on show. Mine and others: so I can’t escape my feelings of wrongness* and I’m reminded of it by 50% of the population. I hasten to add, that’s very much my failing, it’s not to do with how others express themselves.
( * in my head and heart, I shouldn’t be a pale, hairy lump, but you have to get by with the cards you’ve been dealt and do your best in the place you find yourself ).
Given all the above, I wasn’t always the best company: distant and occasionally stressy when I couldn’t keep the physical symptoms in. Racing heartbeat, too hungry but feeling sick, etc. “Boo da hoo”, as once said in a film 😉
So…?
The Ever Lovely and equally perceptive & wise, Mrs J said it might be time to ring the GP again, bless her. We’re a funny couple in that on average we’re okay. It’s only when you shine the proverbial light on us, Mrs J’s health is not great and my mental health is iffy as well. I would say “welcome to your 50s!” but I’ve not been right for a while 😁
I have called the GP and the Fates smiled, meaning I had a telephone consultation the same morning. Talk about dumb luck. There’s no ‘one thing’ we can aim at, so the sticking plaster are some SSRIs to take the edge off. I’ve been offered some strong medication, but I’ve had that before when I broke my collarbone, and that’s half a day gone, as you zone out and nod off. Not great for the school run and housework, TBH.
Time
Given it’s the school holidays, Child 2.0 expressed an interest in visiting some museums. They like the arts, and as Mrs J is lovely, both of them are having a short break to visit them.
This leaves me at home to dogsit and – as per my love’s suggestion – “don’t do very much and try to relax.” So, I’ve booked some more time off and done very little. I feel I should sort the laundry, but I’m making myself not do it on the first day. Maybe that can be a slow task for the evening.
I have been out to have my hair done at our local wig experts. A bit of self care and a treat, I think. As someone with ever thinning thatch, I do miss haircuts and the relaxation they brought.
Talking of treats and self-care, I’ve dispelled the Pins of Wook using the +2 Epilator. Last night I painted my toes, had a long, cool shower, and I’ve applied some false nails this morning. I took my time to get ready as my hair appointment wasn’t until late afternoon. It’s been a gift to spend the day as me, but I think the finding help and not rushing around has really helped.
A good day indeed. Oh, and photos or it didn’t happen 🙂 On the left, outfit and hair in need of care. Right: 100% right.
See you in a bit.
L x
Well fab you got an opportunity for a long dose of you time, but sorry to hear it was quite so badly needed. The hair is looking lovely.
Izzy
Thanks, Izzy. Steph worked her magic again, bless her. I think a long spell away from the usual may be just what we all need from time to time.
Lovely to see that you got some Lynn time, and even more that you got out for a bit.
Thanks, Susie. With all that’s being rattling around in my head for the last few months, taking time out to not rush about, and have my body feel more as it should, it’s really helped.
I’m just here to confirm that your outfit and hair are not jealousy inducing at all and that I am glad you got some time to, well, be you. Sad it got to the point that it did beforehand, but happy that (it appears) it made the difference it did.
Thank you. Time out and time away from everything helped too. A work colleague once said to me that if her hair was good, turn she felt good. She added that it didn’t define her – as in, she’s more than a haircut and appearance – and good hair days put a spring in her step. I believed that for her and now, I think I see how that works for me as well. Perhaps it’s about being comfortable with how you look.
I was talking with a close friend yesterday, and they seem to have spotted a pattern to my summer and stress issues, bless them. That really helped as well.
As to the outfit – and thanks! – the top is from Roman Originals (who have a summer sale on) and the leggings might be as well (or Joe Browns). I read somewhere that there’s a rule of thirds you can use to help not be swamped by an outfit. So, here: long top and cropped leggings. Mind you, this was attempt number four before deciding 🙂
Take things gently, Lynn, and enjoy your free time.
It’s good to hear you enjoyed the outdoors but it’s especially pleasing to hear you’ve been getting full-on Lynn time after a bit of a drought summer. I’m sorry it’s been hard for you.
Your pepped up wig is so cute and looks fabulous on you. Love the pretty nails too.
Have a good weekend
Sue x
Kind and wise words, Sue – on taking things slowly 💜 I feel… I have been overdoing it and I don’t say that from a “ooo, I’m such a busy person”. Moreover, it’s not noticing the danger signs around burnout and mental health. Throw all of that in with caring, housework, and gender issues: well, quite. 😔
Summer has not been easy. While I feel a fool (drama llama?) for saying that, the truth is I wouldn’t say that to a friend. I think as Andie pointed out to me, there’s a pattern forming (certainly over the past four ish years maybe). Not quite sure what the answer is for that yet.
As you say, though, good to break the drought and if you forgive mixing metaphors, I did feel like I could breathe again. That full, cooling, filling, and relaxing breath that takes you out of your problems.
I think, I may need to remind myself that not everything is urgent and try not to panic about things.
L x