Cloak

I can’t quite put my finger on this, but it feels at the mo, that I’m wearing a heavy cloak. A heaviness in the arms and across the shoulders. One that seems to vanish if I sit down and ignore the world. Or, when I’m out walking, the wind and sunlight lift it away.

I would add, just for clarity, please don’t imagine a bloke of middling years in *just* a cloak. Stood there like an ailing stripper or medieval flasher 🙂 Good evening, Master Wayne. I assume the Joker stole your batsuit again? He is a wag…

Where was I? So, with it being half term, I’ve had the week off. Less early to rise, less busy-busy, and more leisurely walks. All of that seems like it should help (that’s that word again: should), but… this week seems to have been a little too much.

I’ve noticed my mood dip, my shopping habits increase, and /sigh, I am not quite myself. I’m frustrated in that a week off with no tasks, no school run, and yet here we are. Or, more accurately, here we are again. I seem to remember this from earlier in the month and I hoped to put that down to burnout or illness. The idea of needing more Lynn time is not achievable and frankly, it scares me. Scary as in is there something lurking unseen or is it just a case of the winter blues?

I have put off publishing this as I don’t like to blog about the crap stuff. However, given a choice between honesty or not doing something for Friday, well, openness won. I guess at least with writing about how I feel, it’s at least truthful. Life is a mix of the good and the bad. With luck, the bad will be both minor and temporary.

After three now…

Sometimes, it’s hard, to be transgender, dum de dum de dum. 🙂

L x

6 Comments

  1. Hi Lynn,
    Don’t discount the winter blues as an explanation, especially after the disruption of the last two years. You don’t need to add much to those two factors to awaken the black dog.
    Also, tiredness can accumulate, and hit you when you slow down.
    Hope you are feeling better soon,
    Penny from Edinburgh.

  2. I’m sorry that you’ve hit another low patch, Lynn. I’d agree with Penny above… winter blues, Covid chaos for two years, tiredness. And you’ve had that virus recently and these can take ages to clear completely. And the news has been appalling for years.

    If Lynn time is a good way to regulate (and I’d say it was), maybe a chat with the lovely Nurse Jones, the lady you married, might get you a prescription for a higher dosage this week? She seems to be a woman of kind good sense (well, she’s a woman so that’s almost be definition). I hope you can feel better soon. Happy to chat by phone, too.

    Sue x

  3. Sounds like a case of the Winter Blues Lynn, hang in there Spring is only around the corner. Reach for a bottle of nail polish, paint your toenails and then sit back and admire them, that usually works for me when I’m unable to have some Lotte time.

    Take care

    Lotte x

  4. Well, I tried last night on my phone but Captcha was having none of it.

    I know what you mean about the cloak – though I, too, am fully clothed beneath, and think that metaphor works really quite well. My take, apparently widely held, was that it sounds more like SADS than GID. My wife bought a sun lamp (not the tanning kind) a few years ago and it made the world of difference to her when she used it that one time.

    Nowt wrong wi’ sharing thi down times as well as thi’s up’uns.*

    I hope you’re feeling a little better – even if the long walks aren’t dispelling the feeling entirely – and that you find the time to just ‘be’. A good piece of advice that I received recently was to find something engrossing, without pressure, and lose myself in it for a few hours. For me it was painting miniatures. Maybe it would be for you too. Just passing that one on.

    *with apologies to any real Yorkshire people

  5. It could be a combination of SAD and a general feeling that it’s just one damn think after another, from covid and lockdown to winter and now two storms hot on the heels of each other, with no time to recharge and recoup between before the next one hits.
    Joanna may be right, in that one strategy is to find something you that can absorb you and you have to concentrate on completely for long periods. For me, it’s too often work, which is probably not the real answer, or jigsaws, or resolving to put aside time for really losing myself in a book, rather than a couple of paragraphs too late at night when I’m too tired to really concentrate. Or perhaps break out those long put-off box sets. (We are finally catching up with the second and third of Steig Larsson’s Millennium trilogy.)
    I haven’t had any real Susie time for months, to the point that I’m starting for forget what it felt like even to want that. On the last two occasions there has been opportunity, I’ve not bothered to take it. I can’t work out whether this is part of a general malaise, a feeling that nothing is worth bothering with, or a period of remission.
    And maybe – to conflate suggestions above from Sue and Charlotte – if you can’t summon the enthusiasm to treat yourself as a way breaking the gloom, have a think about springing a random unexpected and possibly frivolous or indulgent treat for Mrs J instead.

  6. Blogging about “crap like this” can the therapeutic. Geez, I’ve done too much of that myself!

    Having formerly lived in a cold and damp winter climate, I can see how the weather can affect you. Fortunately, I have a bit more in the way of sun here in Cali.

    The sunny days will return, Lynn, as will your outlook on life and and being one of us.

    Calie xx

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