Dear Fictional Newspaper,
I feel it’s time to be truly honest about the causes of my transgender nature. For years I’ve been reading scholarly articles, following researchers including psychologists, geneticists, and other health professionals, hoping that they may find an explanation as to why some of us are straight, gay, cisgender, or transgender in nature.
Having both an interest in the above and living as a trans person, well, this does not make me an expert. Perhaps, at best, maybe well read on the science. Certainly the strongest contenders seem to be either a genetic propensity towards sexuality and/or gender; or how hormones affect – or not – as we develop in the womb. For readers of the Newspaper That Shall Not Be Named, the womb is the part of a person’s body that that a right wing politician should have full control over. Also note, that any baby in said womb, has a right to life, until it’s no longer in there. Once born, children may go unfed, untreated, uneducated, or be shot at.
So we come full circle, talking of LGBTQ+ identity and children. I can only apologise, not only for my own ignorance, but that of researchers following the enlightening revelation from the Middle East. Yes, it seems my parents, bless them, or perhaps a wonderful primary school teacher, or maybe my own misfortune meant I was exposed to a rainbow.
While Doctor Banner gained superpowers in being able to become The Hulk, by being exposed to gamma green light, it seems the Rainbow Randomisation can turn a child gay and/or trans. We can only pray that no one weaponises the split spectrum, perhaps firing from a high orbit space laser, able to target whole nations!
I know, I should have seen the signs in the 80s. You couldn’t open a book at school without seeing a rainbow. So much for Section 28 protecting us kids. It was clearly not strong enough to hold back the corrupting power of the split light spectrum.
Apology now given, I thank my lucky stars that on holiday as a kid, as my Dad drove through a ford in a river, that the resulting spray and beautiful – yet deadly – rainbow arc, somehow only I was affected by its prismatic curse. My parents and siblings remain both straight and cis.
To conclude, I’d be grateful if you’d publish my apology and heartfelt letter.
With kindest regards…
PS: Any news on the research that greyscale dark glasses can prevent transification?