Once more to the wardrobe, dear friends, once more!


Today has been a day of no meetings and given some of the back to back runs of late, this cool down period to ease into the weekend is rather lovely. Not that I’ve done nothing, I should add. Part of my role is to be creative with technology, so thinking space to explore and test is valuable.

Such creative work can also help me get into the zone. That moment where you’re involved in creating something new and deep into it. I used to find the same with baking or painting miniatures for tabletop gaming. Yes, I’m aware that the G in TG stands for geek in my case ๐Ÿ˜‰

However, such work is also a good distraction when things aren’t quite 100%. Indeed, the two week gap between meetings at Chams did start to rankle a little. I was okay last week, and by Sunday I could feel the old Discomfort Gauge gently clacking away at the back of my mind. That tension I get when I can’t be ‘all of me’, if that makes sense. A sense of tenseness or being wound up, that I just can’t seem to shake off. With Wee Man and the Ever Lovely Mrs J often at home, there’s no capacity to grab a morning dressed differently. Ho hum. Still, you have to make the best of what have. It could always be worse! ๐Ÿ˜

So, I threw myself into creative work stuff which clocked up the hours and mostly worked in terms of distracting me. I say mostly because it flattens the batteries and you can’t keep doing it long term. But writing about the issue – again, creativity – helps get the ideas and worries out of my head, even if that writing won’t see the light of day.

Time again

But with it being Thursday, it was – at last – a chance to be all of me again. I think it was Joanna who mentioned gender euphoria on her blog a few days back and while I’ve had some fab times out, for me at least, time spent in Lynn mode seems more the absence of disquiet. A bit like when that mild toothache or other random ache disappears, and you are pain free. Not that being in Richard mode is painful. Perhaps, more accurately, it’s like being sat in one position too long or out for a hike; after a while it can be uncomfortable and you need to change.

Still, I had my bag packed, outfit selected, and I chanced my hand at tweaking my makeup routine. Luckily the false eyelashes went on and stayed on. I’ve been watching some eye makeup tutorials for those of us blessed (/s) with hooded eyes and I was pleased with the results. Likewise with trying to overline my lips to try and bring some definition to my disappearing top. Apparently that’s fairly typical for gents of my age. Oh, for clarity: the loss of top lip size, not the overlining ๐Ÿ˜‰ ProTip: start small and build up. Well, unless you want to look like Cruella De Ville ๐Ÿ˜

Valtography FTW

Andie had used their shoe stretchers on some nude heels on mine (thanks Mrs), so they were much more wearable. Perhaps I need to revisit how I was using the similar model I bought? ๐Ÿค”

Still, it is now the weekend and for Child 2, a long break of half term as we now have a fortnight off in Notts. No such luck for Wee Man, bless him. Welcome to HE ๐Ÿ˜‰

L x


  1. Tabletop miniature painting!? I suddenly seem to have green eyes.

    Totally hear you on the creativity to keep discomforture at bay, and how it can flatten the batteries, with any luck you’ll have charged up a bit now. Your description of being able to change position, walk around a bit or simply change gait after a long hike really hits home too – there’s euphoria and there is comfort, just that, and sometimes comfort requires a change of position that had previously been perfectly comfortable. And, of course, will be again, just not right now.

    As for the lip-liner and the eye make-up – that explains how you managed to look so good! the only make up tutorials I’ve watched are the ones from John Maclean and, well, not sure there’s many can match those.

    Enjoy your fortnight with the family for half term!

    1. Oh I love McClean. There are dozens, possibly hundreds, of mtf makeup tutorials on YouTube. You find one and three or four others pop up in the sidebar. You can lose hours, if not a whole day, following one to the other. Whther you learn anything you can actually use yourself is another matter.

      1. Watching is one thing, but I think you need to put the hours in. Not just to put into practice, bit also to find if it works for you ๐Ÿ™‚

        When you said McClean, I misread that as McClain from Die Hard ๐Ÿ˜

        1. “You’re the wrong guy in the wrong clothes at the wrong time wearing full makeup.”

          Yeah, but I do look fabulous! ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ˜‰

    2. The painting miniatures is a long time ago. Possibly…. the 80s. Good grief ๐Ÿ™‚ The skill has come in for painting my nails, though. So time well spent ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Yes, feeling somewhat more recharged after a night out in good company, not too many meetings, and having reset the old tension ratchet. Very much a case of not feeling uncomfortable at the mo and that’s a good thing, IMO.

      Thank you for the kind words about the makeup. The lip tutorial was by Lisa Eldridge and her advice/channel is excellent. Wayne Goss is also very good and both of them are well worth following on YouTube, IMO.

  2. Looking good, Mrs.

    Your fortnightly girly recharge at Chams is really important to you, I can see. Well, the recharge is important to us all but what I mean to suggest is that if you feel your trans battery running low (or your dysphoria gauge rising) are there other opportunities, as the kids get more independent, for you to be ‘you’ and so alleviate the disquiet? Dysphoria is so horrid and whilst I’d say euphoria had its problems, too, sailing on a more even emotional keel is, I feel, preferable to more extreme swings of mood. Little but often. At least, I works better for me that way, although I appreciate that our domestic and work lives are very different.

    Have a nice weekend, even with a sprog bouncing around the house for a WHOLE FORTNIGHT :-O for half term. I dunno, kids these days, don’t know they’re born. In my day [suddenly transforming from Larndon pearly queen to Yorkshire lass like Susie] yer ‘ad hour off on a Sunday f’ church and a clip round t’ ear’ole if yer were lucky.

    Sue x

    1. “Gercha” ๐Ÿ˜‰ One has some knowledge of Cock-er-nee thanks to the familiarity of the popular beat combo, Charles and David ๐Ÿ˜‰ Plum in the mouth aside, I’m thinking more of John Thaw’s Sweeny character yelling ‘shut it’ ๐Ÿ˜

      The kids – one eighteen, the other nearly fourteen – are very much into their teen years of being independent, preferring their or the company of friends, and seen very settled in who they are…. even if some anxiety remains about the world (COVID19, climate, society, anti-LGBTQ+, etc). I think they’re absolutely ace, but isn’t that the parental default?

      The domestic situation is such that finding gaps is very difficult. Luckily smooth pins and recent weight loss (change to be more veggie oriented diet for health and environment) help my sense of self. That helps avoid the lows or more accurately, lessens the chances by being more even or level, so to speak. I’ll have to go into Spy Mode and think on what I might do with the brief gaps I can grab. I should add that it’s not all doom & gloom, I’m okay/good most of the time. It’s the occasional long spells that push things a little too far towards the uncomfortable.

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