In last night’s Chams call we spoke about doing enough. Or more accurately, the dilemma of the person the closet and the Catch 22 of wanting to help move things on and yet, not be too out, if that makes sense.
On the one hand, I’m okay with my trans side and I sort of feel mostly unworried about myself if someone from work or my family found out. However, while I’m not so fussed, I am concerned by the effect it would have on my family. I certainly don’t want to embarrass our two teens and while I might be over it, I don’t want anyone judging the Ever Lovely Mrs J because of who she married. As with much in life, things are rarely black and white.
So we come back to wanting things to be better for LGBTQ+ folk and trying to balance your personal life. Hello conflict as two ideals try to pull is in different directions. You could throw in extra ones if you’re not fully okay with who you are, how you look, etc. That is absolutely not to judge anyone, only to say that they can add to the emotional heavy lifting we sometimes need to do.
I, perhaps like other part time folk – sadly not yet party time folk 😉 – can struggle with this. A need to try and help equality move on and to do that, there needs to be some trade off on personal privacy. Again, hello conflict as we wrestle with balancing that with our personal and professional lives.
But, and to call back to the online call last week, is being visible is a form of political statement? It doesn’t matter if that’s you being in public and being kind to others, me doing a talk as Richard (or in Lynn mode), or in the case of two of the panel, two married ladies holding hands on public. Being visible is, I think, a positive statement. Is that how we win? By being everyday and letting others see we are people and not some ne’er-do-well that the less accepting aspects of the media suggest?
Taking of positive, I saw a wonderful interview with Sir Ian McKellen and Olly Alexander on being a trans ally. The continually awesome Sir Ian said: “I do hear people – gay people – talk about transgender people in very much the same terms as people used to talk about your common or garden gay…. The problems that transgender people have with the law are not dissimilar from what used to be the case for us, so I think we should all be allies really.“
So, despite the occasions whispers of doubt that we may feel we are not doing enough, how about Sue’s comment from the last post:
You’re appearances en femme may be only part-time, but you are trans all the timeSue Richmond
I’ve been in bloke mode since mid December last year. Not that I’m counting the days (twitch twitch 😉), but my nature of who I am remains: someone in the middle, someone who is part of the transgender community.
Sure, I can’t express that physically right now, but hopefully in the coming weeks that’ll be possible. The kids go back to school in a few weeks and maybe the Centre will open again. In the meantime, maybe I need to focus on just doing what I can and that’ll have to be enough.
How might this apply to you? Well, if you’re doing anything, that’s better than nothing. Like the jogger shuffling around the park, you’re still going faster than the person on the sofa 😛If you’re politely challenging negative behaviours, being an ally to those with less power than you, if you are visible in any way: you are helping. ❤️
Plus, it wouldn’t be a YATGB post if I don’t throw in a coaching quote: you are doing your best in the circumstances you find yourself. 😉