The other day, T-Central featured a post about Being Bi-gender from Michelle Deere. IMO, it’s a great read and well worth visiting to see what Michelle has to say.
A few months ago, I was talking with a work mate and H was talking about company values. We have all the white knuckle, rock and roll, lunchtime chats. 🙂
Stay with me, this is relevant. 😉
H covered how some companies define their goals or culture with a few key words. Usually some hot air such as Brave, Passionate, Gregarious, etc. The thing is, without the context of a story, what some folk will do is swap the words out for what’s in their head. What is brave? Is it what’s in the dictionary, what I think brave is, or how you think of it?
- Brave: I should be myself and be authentic.
- Brave: I should say what I want to in meetings and to customers.
- Brave: we should take risks as it’ll take us further.
Hmmm. How might that go? No conflict or confusion there! 🙂
I think what’s great about those who talk about their experiences, is that that gives context and detail on what they mean. We’re more than one word, IMHO. I don’t want to get into an argument over “well, this term means this, not that.” It’s more to say that that is the issue. Not having a word means there’s no shortcut, but equally just having one word can mean many things. I think it comes down to thinking of terms more as a guide and looking into the story behind them.
Previously the old terminology of transvestite or transsexual didn’t fit. I think I covered that in an earlier post about are they they only choices? But, jokes aside, there’s a truth in that: life is more complex than that. I guess that’s why I’ve said I’m Trans* because I’m somewhere under that spectrum. I’ve struggled to find a place or a flag that I’d be happy to stand under. Not because that word was ill-defined, but more like it was trying to find the right shoe. Nah, not me. Way too big. Not gonna get my toes near that. How much?! A bit ouchy. Got this in a 8Wide? Okay… Ah… just right. Hmm. The Transgender Goldilocks trapped in a shoe store? 🙂
But, ideas around gender have shifted massively in recent years and I think that if I did need to stand by a flagpole, it would probably be that of Bi-gender. Sure, the feelings of my gender ebb and flow, but not to the same speed as I hear from genderfluid folk. So, maybe that’s the flag I can stand under. It doesn’t make me any better – or worse – than anyone. Just different perhaps.
Maybe my gender presentation is A or B – or more accurately X or Y 🙂 – but the one constant is I’m always me. The feelings of who I am so not change depending how I’m dressed. Maybe I let my guard down a little more in Lynn mode. Maybe I try to maintain the façade as Richard of being just another bloke… but inside, where in counts, what goes on in my heart and head, that’s me. An outward appearance of both at different times and within a mix of the two.
Still, the nice thing about standing under a flag, is you can always wander off and rest under another to see how that feels. 🙂