Colours

Hi,

If jealousy is the green-eyed monster, blue is sadness, and seeing red is anger, what colour is guilt? An off-white or sickly hue that pervades or hazes like a thin mist?

This past week I’ve had occasional touches of guilt. Perhaps because work has been flexible around family commitments and I’m actually enjoying what I do, I’ve been feeling like I’m not working for a living. Or more accurately, I’m at work, getting things done, helping, and it’s not a slog. Plus, it’s not about me, but the small group of us pulling together to do what we can.

Despite a slow return to El Wookie Pins, I’m feeling okay about the trans side of things, so it ain’t that. Last week’s jeans look didn’t feel like a trap and this week’s leggings combo was also satisfying the fashion feelings (even if the wrap tunic is a decade old at least and boots are older than Little Miss! 🙂 ). It’s not family stuff either: that’s okay too. It is all fine, so why the guilt?

The truth is I don’t really know. I feel in some way that I’m not quite doing enough in some way. But exactly what? Thing is, when I reach for those thoughts, they are those whisps that fade on inspection like breath on a cold day.

Maybe it’s self-doubt or that Imposter Syndrome malarkey that’s doing the rounds? Not that I’m one to join in with that. I still subscribe to the twin mantras of would you say that to a friend? and you’re doing your best with where you are now. 🙂

Perhaps instead of seeking the elusive source, I should instead think about how we are as a family, keep the work achievement count out of sight, and think on the good things. Enjoy things as they are and take pleasure where you can.

Sometimes it’s the little things like a beautifully clear winter sky or bigger stuff like a good night out with friends (like last night). Chams went well and the visit from a local lingerie specialist – Janice – was both interesting and – if you pardon the pun – uplifting. The latter was the Janice had built her business after getting made redundant and looking at the group, they seemed to enjoy the conversation and the opportunity for great service. All things to be grateful for.

L x

9 Comments

  1. Firstly, I love your outfit (old favourites are so often the best) but especially the dark hair, a gorgeous and suitable cut. Very sassy. As for any guilt, give it a good kicking! Sue x

    1. Thanks, Sue. I’m so with you on old favourites. Maybe that would have been a more positive post, but hey ho! 🙂

      I couldn’t say exactly when I bought the dress, but I do know it was one of the things I bought on a trip out, so there’s some happy memories linked to it. Plus, who doesn’t love a wrap dress? 😉

      I am getting used to the new hairstyle as it’s a bit of a change, and thanks for the kind words.

    1. Thank you, Calie. I really liked the previous brown bob with the highlights, so this feels like quite a change. I think I went through the same doubt when I changed my look last time.

      That aside, I was lucky to find this human hair one and the movement compared to synthetic is amazing. Yay for help from TrendCo.

      Oh, are you trying a new log on, BTW? This links to your Gravatar and not back to T Central.

  2. Sometimes we all feel we’re no doing enough, or we are somehow failing. Just because work is going well without you having to stress, does not mean you are not working hard enough, it means you and your fellow workers are all doing a good job! I think, actually, you are in a good place at the moment, don’t stress about the what if’s, enjoy life. I made a decision at the beginning of the year to be happy, enjoy life, yes there will be the inevitable problems but life is too short not to enjoy what we have. So far, early days yet of course, everything is going very well. And apart from that, you are looking fabulous!

    1. I think that’s a wise attitude and good advice, Andrea, so thank you. I’ll certainly reflect on it.Perhaps I need to let go a little and enjoy the journey, as the destination isn’t yet certain.

      1. Without a doubt, enjoy the journey, as you never know what’s around the corner or how long the journey will last! Enjoy life and see where it takes you!

    1. Ha ha! I’ve heard similar from a friend who was raised that way too. BTW, have you ever seen Dogma? Rather good film, IMO. There’s a line in it where a character says “you don’t celebrate your faith, you mourn it.” 😀

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