What did you wish you knew, or had someone near you understand?


In an online article somewhere far, far, away I caught the line: what did you wish you knew or had someone near you understand?

Well, there is a question. Two. perhaps. 🙂 Here’s my thoughts on this and if you have your own, please feel free to share via the contact form, in the comments, or feel free to not to. It’s all very calm here at YATGB.

What did you wish you knew?

That as a young man, that life would get easier as I got older and that I’d meet someone very special to share things with (the Ever Lovely Mrs J, of course).

That it’s okay to make mistakes and to learn from them, is sometimes the best – and the only – thing you can do.

That when I started to learn who I was – trans-something-or-other – than it’s not about passing, but making the best of what you have. You can practice your make-up skills, learn what works (and what doesn’t), try different styles, and the Return in 28 Days option can be a good friend.

That going to a social & support group would be one of the best things I ever did.

That sometimes it’s best to ask questions when you’re not 100% sure and to listen – properly listen – rather than waiting for a chance to throw your own comments into the conversation.

That sometimes I’m my own worst critic and I that I can change that. Not to BS myself, but to be kind, as I wouldn’t say such things to a friend.

What did you wish someone near you understood?

That for me, this isn’t a kink: that being trans* is part of my identity and it doesn’t switch off. Sure, sometimes it’s quiet and sometimes it’s noisy: but it never really goes away. I am always me, not matter how I look.

That only being a man – or more accurately, only looking and behaving like a bloke – is suffocating. I am happier when I am able to express who I am. This doesn’t mean I have to be dressed to be happy: it just means I need the option – the freedom? – to go there or feel that my body looks how I feel it should.

That having smooth pins makes me feel okay about my body, and if I feel okay about my body, that helps me feel okay about me.

That I’m doing the best I can, with who I am, in the world I live in.

That I don’t always get it right and for that, I’m sorry.


Take care,


  1. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Spot on, Lynn.
    Things I wish I had told my younger self.
    That you don't have to judge yourself against the flawless photos in magazines or on the web.
    That finding people to talk or write to would be one of the best things you did.
    That, if not now, then later on, attitudes would grow more accepting and that people would take you as you are and how you present yourself without odd looks or comments (although it helps to be a 'lady of a certain age' and therefore almost invisible).
    That you should dress down a bit or more your age if you want to go out and not stand out, but it's OK if you want to doll up to the nines in the privacy of your own place (but probably not for the supermarket).

    You are who you are. It won't go away, and if you try and hide from it or suppress it it'll just made you unhappy and resentful.

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Susie. I think you've shared some quality wisdom. The glossy magazines don't help, but self acceptance does. The dressing thing made me smile, as I have on occasion seen people dolled up and pushing a trolley through the posh snacks and wine sections. The giveaway tac-tac-tac of heels as they approach 🙂

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