Every once in a while I check the Chameleons’ website to make sure all is well. Mostly this is a case of ticking a few update boxes, and the software does the hard work. Dare I say, as someone who works in IT, that this is how it should be. Updates arrive and work on our phones, computers (mostly), and of late, televisions, and quite probably cars.

What’s this got to do with being trans? Well, there are times when an update needs a bit of work. It’s not a case of tick a box and then all is well. I suppose the equivalent to slipping into your favourite outfit or applying your favourite lippy: it’s all very much a gentle stroll.

A few years back…

But, there are updates that take a bit more time. Uploading files, heeding the advice of make sure you have a backup, and, of course, time to sit down and read the instructions. For this, there’s a bit of The Fear. What if I mess it up? What if something goes wrong? Who can I call for help?

Those fears could, I think, be easily applied to stepping out of the house dressed or attending a trans social for the first time. Fear, well, sometimes it serves a purpose: sharpens our perception, focused the minds, and – perhaps most importantly – lets us pause to think on what we are doing.

I don’t think we should let fear control us and stop us. Yes, maybe listening to those points of concern, ticking some of them off, and ultimately, keep going forward. The big updates to the sites need to be done, and none of us get out of the house by hovering by the front door, feeling unable to get out.

So, feel the fear, take a deep breath, think, and set forth. You might surprise yourself.

Now, let’s get these updates done. 😉

Take care,


  1. Good point. I've found fear can cripple or enhance depending on whether you summon the courage to push past it. As you note, fear sharpens the senses so, if overcome, can lead to a richer experience.

    People don't believe me but I tell them I've had two seriously fearful situations in my life. The first group happened on a motorcycle (e.g., riding 140 mph; crossing a long high bridge in Michigan in the rain at night; crashing). The second group happened in retail stores when shopping for and purchasing female clothes. The latter experiences terrified me more than the first.

    1. I hope your fall from the bike wasn't too painful. That was quite a speed! I felt very unsafe doing just under 100mph on a test track. Oddly, not as terrified as my first solo run between home and work: a mere nine miles! 🙂

      But, like you did in the sales, you just gotta draw deep and go for it. Still, if you survive, there is that feeling of joy on making it back okay 😀

    2. Perhaps my comment was unclear: the three events in parentheses were separate; I didn't crash at 140 mph. That was my day at the racetrack when I rode without incident. My crash, on another occasion on the road, was at a slower speed. I came close to death during it: broke four ribs, my lung collapsed and I couldn't breathe. Spent a week in the hospital.

      Your point is a good one: there's deep satisfaction in facing fear and overcoming it. We grow in the process. Now, for example, I buy women's clothes entirely without anxiety.

    3. Ah, apologies. On another look, there indeed is the punctuation. I'm going to blame my smartphone screen, although really, it's my eyesight 😉

      The crash sounds truly terrifying and very painful. I hope that didn't knock your confidence.

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