Ghosts of the Past

Hi all,

How’s things with you? For me, it’s been a bit of a strange week. A gentle dusting of dysphoria, the work/home/work/home treadmill, and yet… it’s the weekend, which always gives me a reason to be cheerful. Oh and Old Ginge – my wig has kindly been returned from it’s holiday. I shall look forward to retrying being a temporary redhead. 🙂 All good things. Oh and I’ve had a whiskey and ginger too. Mmm….

The Girl of Christmas Past

I don’t know what it is. For me, I’ve always found a Friday night to have a certain amount of magic about it. The magic of potential, or just an escape from the regular, I couldn’t say. It might even be a mix of the two. That or the knowledge that I don’t have to be in bed early, because there’s a chance of a lie-in. Oh, and a lie-in now that the kids are a little older? A very welcome luxury.

Earlier in the week, I’d decided to tidy up my photo collection. Like a lot of us trans folk, I’ve got a reasonable number.

BTW, what is a reasonable number? 8: that’s nice a round, with soft edges. 13? That doesn’t divide well and poor old Judas’s coat ticket is rarely popular. How come 7 gets to be lucky and not 2? What’s so perfect about ten? You can’t divide it by three. Perhaps this explains why Maths and I have never got on well. 🙂

Anyhoo, working through the images brought some mixed emotions. Some good memories (see right) and some not so good ones. Early efforts, where I was a bit of a mess (but, we all start as beginners). I noticed a lot of people who no longer come to the group, the changes in my own style and the not-so-good snaps which don’t make it to this blog or otherwise. The ones where you are all to aware you’re just a bloke in a dress. Sure, it’s a nice dress and fancy shoes, but if the snap’s not right, your male qualities are more obvious than you’d like.

That did send me into a bit of a tailspin – “Pull up! You’re too low!” (name the film) – it didn’t last too long and other than a few stabs from the Pink Fog, all was well. Strangely, about three days later, another trans friend posted very similar body image feelings. Surprising in that I always thought of her as very stylish and seemingly happy with her image. I guess we all have our insecurities and while I think the trans mentality is a particularly interesting mix, it is by no means just our own. I know from chats with female friends, that some of them won’t allow a photo to be put online, or taken in some cases.

It’s easy to say ‘be happy with what you have’, although maybe that is the choice that I, and perhaps others have. Sure, you can diet, you could even have surgery. Although, like a lot of things, the rub is what is achievable rather than what is possible. Much as I’m a day dreamer, I still have my feet very much on the floor over what I think can be done.

Navel gazing aside, it’s coming to the end of November and the Xmas season is very much upon us. Time to crack on with the gift wrapping and start think about putting the tree up. Plus, party season: fancy frocks, fine footwear, fab friends and…. I’ve run out of Fs. Umm. Music? 🙂 What’s not to like? Talking of parties, I may try and punt out some invitations to the old guard and see what happens. Be nice to catch up.

Take care,


  1. You could have Food as another F. There's always plenty of that at Xmas, probably too much in fact. I can relate to the photos section, Anway, that's a nice photo you posted, nice outfit too.

    Lotte x

  2. "I'd decided to tidy up my photo collection. Like a lot of us trans folk, I've got a reasonable number."

    And as you'll have gathered from my recent post (I've added another comment btw), I don't have a reasonable number. Photos? Meh! 😉 . But I did find some old ones online recently. See if you can spot me 🙂

    1. To each their own, I say! 🙂 Think on how many megabibbles you're saving the Internet in backups! 🙂

      Ta for the link. The photo at the end was very you – the love of big jumpers? May I ask what type of music you'd made? I'm guessing, not Indie rock 😉

    2. Not indie rock, no 😉 . Back then we did "new wave" (or post punk as it's called now) in the Factory/Industrial sort of camp (if those labels mean anything to you?). But, listening to it again recently (from an online download), it wasn't really very good.

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